Class Of March 2011 pt 11
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
No, you are not, Mirage. But you do need to improve your vocabulary (on Words with Friends) 
Here's what my wife says to me, which works. "I need a date". "Do you know that we haven't had a night out together in over a month?" "Why don't you ever touch me?" OK. Just kidding on that last one. (JK). She does say that, but I quickly remind her of the 13 times she dissed me (on touch) in the last 24 hrs.
I've also noticed that we are contentedly in our own worlds in the last few months. Rather than me running paranoid that she's thinking the worst, or vice-versa, we seem to be okay with each other doing their own thing. She's read about 5 novels in the last couple months. She never used to do that. And, they are spy/autobiography types, not romances. I got her a Kindle for Christmas, and she spends many hours of the week on that, her computer or texting. We are pretty open with these with each other. In fact, thanks to you, she snuggled up to me on the couch last night when a post about my Word hit FB, and she said "Who's L____?" Thanks for that, even though I knew it was out of jealousy, a rare thing, but increasing since she's starting to like me again.
It's just a spot, and we all have them. He's probably preoccupied with hunting or something.
You are a remarkable woman, Mirage. Know that.
Here's what my wife says to me, which works. "I need a date". "Do you know that we haven't had a night out together in over a month?" "Why don't you ever touch me?" OK. Just kidding on that last one. (JK). She does say that, but I quickly remind her of the 13 times she dissed me (on touch) in the last 24 hrs.
I've also noticed that we are contentedly in our own worlds in the last few months. Rather than me running paranoid that she's thinking the worst, or vice-versa, we seem to be okay with each other doing their own thing. She's read about 5 novels in the last couple months. She never used to do that. And, they are spy/autobiography types, not romances. I got her a Kindle for Christmas, and she spends many hours of the week on that, her computer or texting. We are pretty open with these with each other. In fact, thanks to you, she snuggled up to me on the couch last night when a post about my Word hit FB, and she said "Who's L____?" Thanks for that, even though I knew it was out of jealousy, a rare thing, but increasing since she's starting to like me again.
It's just a spot, and we all have them. He's probably preoccupied with hunting or something.
You are a remarkable woman, Mirage. Know that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 2,826
"Why can't I just tell him how I feel without taking blame myself and ultimately making myself feel bad? I hate that."
I'll leave aside the issue of communicating better with our spouses and respond based on the questions that come to mind for me: "Why do I discount my feelings? Why do I suppress/ignore/deny my wants, wishes and desires?"
****Warning: My Personal Opinions About Addicted Family Systems Follows*****
Asking to have my needs met as a kid was a challenge to the alcoholic family system, and therefore was met with defensive attack to quell it. Get back to status quo as quickly as possible.
Was this done consciously? Deliberately? No. It's what happens in sick families.
***rant off***
My job is to learn how to feel my feelings, identify them, and then decide how I want to be in the world. For me, it's learning to nurture and strengthen my self-esteem. I deserve a great life, a great marriage, a great job and I'm going to do the work it will take on a daily basis to have them.
Awesome questions Mirage! I really appreciate the conversation and perspective from Lofty & Dave.
P.S.--In response to the line of question, I find making nonemotional, specific actionable requests works well in my marriage. Husband reminds me often that he can't read my mind.
I'll leave aside the issue of communicating better with our spouses and respond based on the questions that come to mind for me: "Why do I discount my feelings? Why do I suppress/ignore/deny my wants, wishes and desires?"
****Warning: My Personal Opinions About Addicted Family Systems Follows*****
Asking to have my needs met as a kid was a challenge to the alcoholic family system, and therefore was met with defensive attack to quell it. Get back to status quo as quickly as possible.
Was this done consciously? Deliberately? No. It's what happens in sick families.
***rant off***
My job is to learn how to feel my feelings, identify them, and then decide how I want to be in the world. For me, it's learning to nurture and strengthen my self-esteem. I deserve a great life, a great marriage, a great job and I'm going to do the work it will take on a daily basis to have them.
Awesome questions Mirage! I really appreciate the conversation and perspective from Lofty & Dave. P.S.--In response to the line of question, I find making nonemotional, specific actionable requests works well in my marriage. Husband reminds me often that he can't read my mind.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Originally Posted by frances2011;3238381
P.S.--In response to the line of question, I find making [B
P.S.--In response to the line of question, I find making [B
nonemotional, specific actionable requests [/B]works well in my marriage. Husband reminds me often that he can't read my mind.
Speaking of fax, I can't get my damn fax to go out!!!!
Last edited by LoftyIdeals; 01-11-2012 at 10:00 AM. Reason: this is why I don't quote often...lol
The Winner Takes It All!!!!!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: United Kingdom (HULL)
Posts: 230
Hi guys internet been down a while, ive not disappeared or lost my way, but rapidly approaching another ton milestone.
295 days can be converted to one of these units:
■25,488,000 seconds
■424,800 minutes
■7080 hours
■42 weeks (rounded down)
I for one had the best xmas ever, i thought about what it would be like to have a beer as everyone was celebrating, but went out xmas eve and new years eve and they passed easily and i really enjoyed the nights.
What i can buy, is my 10 year old saying to "Wow, thanks dad, love you loads, this is the best Christmas Ive had", make all this seem worthwhile.
I really each one of you had a great xmas and new year, and the warmest of wishes come from me to you.
295 days can be converted to one of these units:
■25,488,000 seconds
■424,800 minutes
■7080 hours
■42 weeks (rounded down)
I for one had the best xmas ever, i thought about what it would be like to have a beer as everyone was celebrating, but went out xmas eve and new years eve and they passed easily and i really enjoyed the nights.
What i can buy, is my 10 year old saying to "Wow, thanks dad, love you loads, this is the best Christmas Ive had", make all this seem worthwhile.
I really each one of you had a great xmas and new year, and the warmest of wishes come from me to you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Good day to get stuff done, Lofty. I will aid in your commitment to stay off line and not send you an earth shatteringly impressive word that you feel compelled to compete with. Cloudy and dark here with rain. I'm gonna go out and run some errands before the storm of the century hits. (2 inches). Pbc should get more. I checked your radar, pbc, (weather geek) and boy it's a slow mover. Wonder if you'll get a lot.
Dh gone till Sunday..ice fishing in the upper. The boys have a 4 day weekend, so I'm taking them to see Hugo in 3D tomorrow at the theater 1/2 hour away cuz it's the only place playing it! It's supposed to be awesome in 3D, otherwise I'd just skip that part and not go to those lengths. Should be an Oscar contender. Told my folks and they want to meet us there. Should be fun. They're sitting for the kids on Saturday night in case I can find something to do. I'm thinking Tebow vs. Brady at a sports bar if I can rustle some people up! Anyone want to come? (Aww..wouldn't that be fun?)
Feeling better today. I hope I can keep it up. My mood seems to get sadder as the day goes on. Not sure what that's about.
Have a great day and don't worry about tomorrow being Friday the 13th.
Dh gone till Sunday..ice fishing in the upper. The boys have a 4 day weekend, so I'm taking them to see Hugo in 3D tomorrow at the theater 1/2 hour away cuz it's the only place playing it! It's supposed to be awesome in 3D, otherwise I'd just skip that part and not go to those lengths. Should be an Oscar contender. Told my folks and they want to meet us there. Should be fun.
They're sitting for the kids on Saturday night in case I can find something to do. I'm thinking Tebow vs. Brady at a sports bar if I can rustle some people up! Anyone want to come? (Aww..wouldn't that be fun?)Feeling better today. I hope I can keep it up. My mood seems to get sadder as the day goes on. Not sure what that's about.
Have a great day and don't worry about tomorrow being Friday the 13th.
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