Class Of July 2011 pt 4
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,951
Had a great Thanksgiving. My wife and I had people over for diner. Had beer, wine, cordials, and spirits available from my stash that I didn't get rid of when I quit. The same beer and wine has been in the refrigerator since July. Did not have a single drop for the entire day and didn't miss the booze. Talked to my cousin about quitting cigarettes. He is at 2 months off cigarettes and needed a supportive ear (I am 18 months cigarette free). I also related to him the news that I am off the booze (Heavy alcohol consumption is common in my family). He is only the second person I have told this to.
Thanks for all your supportive posts and hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.
Thanks for all your supportive posts and hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.
Eyes Open, No Fear
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 287
I hope everyone who celebrated had a great thanksgiving.
I don't seem to have too much to say these days but just wanted to pop in to say thank you to you all. Coming here for support, especially the first few weeks, has been invaluable to me. I learned so much here that I really don't think I would have stayed sober if it hadn't been for all of you.
And especially to you, Dee - thank you for being the voice of reason many times over the past several months! SR is lucky to have you here.
Take care all.
I don't seem to have too much to say these days but just wanted to pop in to say thank you to you all. Coming here for support, especially the first few weeks, has been invaluable to me. I learned so much here that I really don't think I would have stayed sober if it hadn't been for all of you.
And especially to you, Dee - thank you for being the voice of reason many times over the past several months! SR is lucky to have you here.
Take care all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 181
Hi All . . .
Confession time! Well - the homelife has been sketchy (at best) as I think you all know. I have been drinking non-alcoholic beer for the past few months. As of late, it's gotten to be down to 2-3 every 5-7 days or so. Not a big deal AT ALL, in my book. My wife was ambivalent about it at first . . .it's ok, not it's not, so long as I don't see it, it's fine if you have it, blah blah. But I haven't heard a word about it for 3 months or so (at least). Then the weekend before last she goes to her Alanon meeting (she hadn't been for weeks). The next morning, out of the blue (or so it would seem) she starts in with the NA beer - I hadn't had any NA beer in probably at least a week. And she starts about how concerned she is, and sometimes the NA leads to drinking, and there REALLY is alcohol in it, blah blah - nothing she said was news to me. Have I mentioned in the past she has control issues?? So that passes. Later in the day we're at my daughter's concert. A fine rendition of Stars and Stripes Forever is being played and she leans over, puts her arm around me and whispers . . . 'can you invite me to the basement the next time you have a non-alcoholic beer'. For real??? Seriously? WTF. She can't friggin let it go. (Now, I know some would say, well, there's a history there, and she's concerned, or . . . she just wants what's best for you . . . or BS BS BS BS - she's a control freak). Looking back (and at more recent events) I've realized that she has a routine of picking fights with me. I know, I'm the 'alcoholic' and it's my job to pick fights, but that is clearly her territory. (At one point in marraige councelling, she told the therapist that if Stu doesn't communicate with me I will 'needle him, needle him and needle him until he talks' (for real!) - and the MC seemed unfazed by this (it must be just me).
Then, on Friday, she brings it up again. I went off on her (now, this is my part of the fight, she pushes my buttons and when I can't take it anymore, I go off . . . and then she gets to say, oh my, Stu, you seem to have some pent up anger going on . . .WTF). And so I told her I have no idea of the extent for her need to control others (and she tries to control the kids too) and that all along with my drinking cutting down, cutting down, then stopping altogether, and me trying to do the right thing, but she keeps on pushing to get some control in somewhere. She's pushing me out the door is what she's doing. Anyway, I said my peace, I didn't flip out and I tried to move on.
But then I had to go out for my daughter for something in the evening. I got a couple of nips . . . which were, quite honestly F*** YOU drinks. As in FU, I'm going to drink anyway - so there B!tch! And had them 'under the radar' as we watched a movie with my son. I didn't get drunk, but certainly a little buzz and I was glad I didn't buy any more. As usual, she was falling asleep during the movie (at 8.30 - because she's up at 2.30am worrying about stuff (by her own admission)) and was in bed the second it was over.
So what did I learn???
1. The FU drink was a pattern I recognized a long time ago and until Friday nite was successful in derailing it. I now know ever better that I should have gone for a walk at that point (or something else) - this has been effective for me in the past and this helped to reinforce that behavior.
2. I didn't like the buzzed feeling. (Which was actually a relief to me)
3. Although I do not blame her for my drinking, she brings her own set of toxic behaviors to our relationship which I need to continue to recognize and leave them to belong to her (which I've gotten better at but still need more practice) - they are not my responsibilities - only my reaction to them are my responsibilitity.
4. I really can drink whenever I want to - as such this is my choice and not something forced upon me. I forget this at times and slip into the 'poor me, why can't I drink' mentality - which leads to rebelious feelings and the desire for the FU drink. Thus, if it's my choice to drink or not, the only one I'm saying FU to is myself.
I think for myself this last point is most noteworthy. I think that my issues with drinking were/are largely bourne out of rebelion (I don't know if this is true for most). And the rebellion then leads to the 'running away' (or 'drinking away') from issues, troubles whatever.
In the end, I'm not proud of myself for this. But I also don't feel I have to beat up on myslef either - provided that I can think this through and learn from it - AND most importantly, get back to being a non-drinker again.
Well, I guess that's about it for me. I hope something I might have written will be helpful for someone else. It was helpful for me to get this down somewhere outside my own head. Thanks for reading! Be well, be stonger, be sober!
Confession time! Well - the homelife has been sketchy (at best) as I think you all know. I have been drinking non-alcoholic beer for the past few months. As of late, it's gotten to be down to 2-3 every 5-7 days or so. Not a big deal AT ALL, in my book. My wife was ambivalent about it at first . . .it's ok, not it's not, so long as I don't see it, it's fine if you have it, blah blah. But I haven't heard a word about it for 3 months or so (at least). Then the weekend before last she goes to her Alanon meeting (she hadn't been for weeks). The next morning, out of the blue (or so it would seem) she starts in with the NA beer - I hadn't had any NA beer in probably at least a week. And she starts about how concerned she is, and sometimes the NA leads to drinking, and there REALLY is alcohol in it, blah blah - nothing she said was news to me. Have I mentioned in the past she has control issues?? So that passes. Later in the day we're at my daughter's concert. A fine rendition of Stars and Stripes Forever is being played and she leans over, puts her arm around me and whispers . . . 'can you invite me to the basement the next time you have a non-alcoholic beer'. For real??? Seriously? WTF. She can't friggin let it go. (Now, I know some would say, well, there's a history there, and she's concerned, or . . . she just wants what's best for you . . . or BS BS BS BS - she's a control freak). Looking back (and at more recent events) I've realized that she has a routine of picking fights with me. I know, I'm the 'alcoholic' and it's my job to pick fights, but that is clearly her territory. (At one point in marraige councelling, she told the therapist that if Stu doesn't communicate with me I will 'needle him, needle him and needle him until he talks' (for real!) - and the MC seemed unfazed by this (it must be just me).
Then, on Friday, she brings it up again. I went off on her (now, this is my part of the fight, she pushes my buttons and when I can't take it anymore, I go off . . . and then she gets to say, oh my, Stu, you seem to have some pent up anger going on . . .WTF). And so I told her I have no idea of the extent for her need to control others (and she tries to control the kids too) and that all along with my drinking cutting down, cutting down, then stopping altogether, and me trying to do the right thing, but she keeps on pushing to get some control in somewhere. She's pushing me out the door is what she's doing. Anyway, I said my peace, I didn't flip out and I tried to move on.
But then I had to go out for my daughter for something in the evening. I got a couple of nips . . . which were, quite honestly F*** YOU drinks. As in FU, I'm going to drink anyway - so there B!tch! And had them 'under the radar' as we watched a movie with my son. I didn't get drunk, but certainly a little buzz and I was glad I didn't buy any more. As usual, she was falling asleep during the movie (at 8.30 - because she's up at 2.30am worrying about stuff (by her own admission)) and was in bed the second it was over.
So what did I learn???
1. The FU drink was a pattern I recognized a long time ago and until Friday nite was successful in derailing it. I now know ever better that I should have gone for a walk at that point (or something else) - this has been effective for me in the past and this helped to reinforce that behavior.
2. I didn't like the buzzed feeling. (Which was actually a relief to me)
3. Although I do not blame her for my drinking, she brings her own set of toxic behaviors to our relationship which I need to continue to recognize and leave them to belong to her (which I've gotten better at but still need more practice) - they are not my responsibilities - only my reaction to them are my responsibilitity.
4. I really can drink whenever I want to - as such this is my choice and not something forced upon me. I forget this at times and slip into the 'poor me, why can't I drink' mentality - which leads to rebelious feelings and the desire for the FU drink. Thus, if it's my choice to drink or not, the only one I'm saying FU to is myself.
I think for myself this last point is most noteworthy. I think that my issues with drinking were/are largely bourne out of rebelion (I don't know if this is true for most). And the rebellion then leads to the 'running away' (or 'drinking away') from issues, troubles whatever.
In the end, I'm not proud of myself for this. But I also don't feel I have to beat up on myslef either - provided that I can think this through and learn from it - AND most importantly, get back to being a non-drinker again.
Well, I guess that's about it for me. I hope something I might have written will be helpful for someone else. It was helpful for me to get this down somewhere outside my own head. Thanks for reading! Be well, be stonger, be sober!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry things are stressful Stu.
I think tho ultimately it's down to us to do this thing or not - even when people push our buttons.
The only person who gets screwed with a FU drink is me.
One of the best things I learned in recovery is I can't change anyone else - but, like you say, I can change the way I react to other people.
I'm glad you're back tho
D
I think tho ultimately it's down to us to do this thing or not - even when people push our buttons.
The only person who gets screwed with a FU drink is me.
One of the best things I learned in recovery is I can't change anyone else - but, like you say, I can change the way I react to other people.
I'm glad you're back tho
D
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Stu, sad you have to go through much stuff....just remember to take care of you....YOU. Sounds like you are getting some things figured out.....you may need another way to deal with all the stress of the situation. Have you considered finding your own person to talk to? Sure would be great to vent away face to face.........hang in there buddy.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Desert Southwest
Posts: 292
Hi everyone. Hope things are well.
Today was a good day for me. I got registered for classes next term and got started on my speech for December 14. Also I picked up some Throwback Mountain Dew! I love the throwback soda because it uses real sugar. It is the taste of soda I grew up with. Pepsi and Mt. Dew
Had two strange dreams last night related to drinking. One was when a long time friend came to visit and we were drinking at the bar. I don't recall much of it but I ordered a drink without thinking. However I think I might have given it to my friends but I might have had it as well. Also I was accused of getting a DUI and when confronted by family about it I said it was not true and they wouldn't believe me. *shrugs* These drinking dreams are rare but when they happen they stand out. They do not worry me, just make me think.
Today was a good day for me. I got registered for classes next term and got started on my speech for December 14. Also I picked up some Throwback Mountain Dew! I love the throwback soda because it uses real sugar. It is the taste of soda I grew up with. Pepsi and Mt. Dew
Had two strange dreams last night related to drinking. One was when a long time friend came to visit and we were drinking at the bar. I don't recall much of it but I ordered a drink without thinking. However I think I might have given it to my friends but I might have had it as well. Also I was accused of getting a DUI and when confronted by family about it I said it was not true and they wouldn't believe me. *shrugs* These drinking dreams are rare but when they happen they stand out. They do not worry me, just make me think.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: CT
Posts: 181
Dee/VC thanks for your thoughts. I'm feeling in a better place over the last few days. VC - I do have a therapist I'm seeing. Funny - I started when I stopped drinking but the drinking has had very little 'air time' with him. ANd I know that I need to watch out for myself first or I'm no good to anyone else - which interestingly is the exact opposite of my wife's perspective - she needs to 'take care' over everyone else -even at her own expense. It's the martydom thing that she does so well. And, I've been reaching out to friends too. And of course you folks here - thanks!
perpetual optimist
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 2,959
Good deal Stu!!
Well. Big news in my end of the world. I finally made it thru all the initial training and got my certification at my new job. It took months and it finally happened! Now I will be backed off to part-time, thank goodness. It was a heck of a haul, and one I never ever ever could have done while drinking. I am thankful every day for this!
So...who is up for Christmas?
Well. Big news in my end of the world. I finally made it thru all the initial training and got my certification at my new job. It took months and it finally happened! Now I will be backed off to part-time, thank goodness. It was a heck of a haul, and one I never ever ever could have done while drinking. I am thankful every day for this!
So...who is up for Christmas?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 20
Finally got my sentence for the DUI that started me on this quest. Wasted a bunch of money on an attorney and ended up getting the same treatment, maybe even worse, than what I would have received by representing myself.
Don't think I'm going to drink but just brings up the "screw its" as if all this work I've been doing with sobriety has been worth nothing as I still get the same amount of trouble. Just kind of a blind passive aggressive rage...tried to go running tonight and seeing people walking on the streets and enjoying their nights just had the image of running into one of them and starting a fight. Don't know what this is about as I've always been a pretty calm person (except when I was getting wasted and felt 10 feet tall) but I feel like exploding especially as I will also be spending most of the next few weeks locked inside studying for exams. Really don't know what the point of this diatribe is but just wanted an opportunity to express it.
Hope everyone else is having a much more enjoyable weekend.
Don't think I'm going to drink but just brings up the "screw its" as if all this work I've been doing with sobriety has been worth nothing as I still get the same amount of trouble. Just kind of a blind passive aggressive rage...tried to go running tonight and seeing people walking on the streets and enjoying their nights just had the image of running into one of them and starting a fight. Don't know what this is about as I've always been a pretty calm person (except when I was getting wasted and felt 10 feet tall) but I feel like exploding especially as I will also be spending most of the next few weeks locked inside studying for exams. Really don't know what the point of this diatribe is but just wanted an opportunity to express it.
Hope everyone else is having a much more enjoyable weekend.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
as if all this work I've been doing with sobriety has been worth nothing as I still get the same amount of trouble.
It's about a new life and a new us - for a while yeah we have to take our lumps and consequences from our former life...but that's all part of taking responsibility and the growth process.
I'm really grateful I'm sober, but it doesn't mean my life is great just by virtue of the fact I'm sober.
Bad stuff still happens - but I know I'm better equipped to deal and to minimise the damage when I'm sober.
If we drink again another DUI is probably the best outcome we can hope for.
Hope you'll feel better tomorrow sapperdude.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 20
Dee,
Thanks for the encouragement. Feeling better today. Can't believe how I can get so wrapped up...think I really have the emotions of a little kid. Like to throw a tantrum for attention and want to believe the rules really don't apply to me...guess that's what got me into this position in the first place.
Guess I just can't wait till the consequences (relationship breakup, arrest, school issues) from my drinking have passed and I'm able to enjoy the fresh path I've started on.
Thanks for the encouragement. Feeling better today. Can't believe how I can get so wrapped up...think I really have the emotions of a little kid. Like to throw a tantrum for attention and want to believe the rules really don't apply to me...guess that's what got me into this position in the first place.
Guess I just can't wait till the consequences (relationship breakup, arrest, school issues) from my drinking have passed and I'm able to enjoy the fresh path I've started on.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
well I dunno about you, but I know I was pretty tantrum filled when I quit.
They say you stop growing emotionally at the age you started drinking or drugging which put me at 17...I think that was pretty much right LOL.
I think you're more together than I was, man
D
They say you stop growing emotionally at the age you started drinking or drugging which put me at 17...I think that was pretty much right LOL.
I think you're more together than I was, man
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 20
That's one of those phrases I keep hearing and it really touches home. Combined with a reading I heard this past week about having the enormous ego of a kid who dreams of being president.
I know I'm not a different person yet but upon reflection I've just been noticing how absurd many of my patterns have been the last few years.
I know I'm not a different person yet but upon reflection I've just been noticing how absurd many of my patterns have been the last few years.
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