MsPINKAcres

Hey Peeps

Thanks for the prayers & encouragement - Mr. Pink mentioned yesterday about restraining order - I said I think it might be a good idea - but that's your son & I can understand that may be a hard thing for you to do - Pray & do what you feel is the healthiest thing to do for everyone.

Annie - glad that things are a little calmer for you! I love field trips - wish I didn't have to work full time so I could go on every field trip with all my grandbabies!!!! Hope the meds help - have several friends that have used that one & have gotten good results.

Amy - hope dad gets home safely - You are such a healthy person - doing so well taking care of yourself while living in a dysfunctional environment & working in one also!!! Good for you!! hope your mouth doesn't hurt too badly!! Give Elvis & the other furbabies hugs from Auntie ReeRee!!

Chino - hope YOU are feeling ok - pain meds - yucky - don't like the way the make me feel either - hope you are resting well today!

Lisa - filter at work wouldn't let me see the pic your posted but according to all the comments it must have been a great one!

Live - it has been beautiful weather here too - glad you are enjoying it - computer issues - ugh - not fun & I love to play those games too - just not much time for that!!

Anna - thnxs -we are blessed to have her - she is such a sweet sassy little girl - loves us so much ~ gives lots of mooochies - which is priceless!!!

Went by yesterday afternoon to visit with the 3 granddaughters that are moving this weekend - going to miss them so much!! My daughter, K, is still very disorganized and not taking care of all she needs to ~ it was very difficult not to step up and start doing all that needed to be done - especially when it came to the girls school stuff but that is what she is waiting for - someone else to do it for her! I just prayed for serenity and had to let it go!!
I hate the granddaughters suffer - but the more I do, the more my mom does - the less she does. And now that she is going to be 75 miles away from us ~ she is going to have to just step up to the plate right?
And it's not difficult stuff - just like pay the school fees so the girls can get their report cards ~ she has the $$; she just doesn't want to do it, because she thinks we will. ugh!

That's my vent for the day - I just Let Go & Let Her & HER God figure it out!

For anyone I missed - I pray that all is well & Life is treating you PINKFANTABULIOUS!!

I am breathing, loving, praying and going to make it One Day at a Time, regardless!!

PINK HUGS to all!
Rita

Anna

Chino, I hope your jaw/tooth feels better. It's awful that you have had to have so many surgeries.

Annie, I'm glad that you and your husband are being civil with each other. You deserve that and more!

Amy, I'm glad that you feel good about your job and what you're doing and that it's making you feel capable and organized.

Rita, it's said that your granddaughters are moving away and I know it must be hard to not step in and get things done. You are really good with your boundaries. My gorgeous little Jade does Skype with us, usually once every two weeks. It's so much more fun than just talking on the phone, and I love that she can see us so she knows what Grandma and Grandpa look like. I hope things work out with the restraining order.


And, in my little world, I had a long meeting with Dorky Matthew the new boss, and guess what...I like him, a lot! Who knew! One of the things that made him comfortable with me is that I know what I want in terms of hours per week and I do NOT want to advance. Advancement with my company means huge amounts of responsibility and a few cents more pay. The job, as it is, (no muss, no fuss) is just what I want.

Chino

I'm home now and finally coherent, though very sluggish. Everyone heeded my warnings and it was all like clockwork. I don't remember anything from when I signed off here last night up until about a few hours ago, though my husband said I should probably call my eye doctor back because I made no sense when I called them to schedule an appointment

So far so good with the pain, it mostly throbs from inflammation and my NSAID seems to be taking care of it. But my brain is a huge foggy mess and feet aren't exactly doing what I want. I know it will wear off but I want it to wear off right now.

I'm gonna soak in a hut bubble bath tonight while watching Grays Anatomy, while drinking my chicken noodle soup from a big coffee mug. And I think I'm going to take another nap right now

LeadHatter

oops posted this in error kevin

Seren

Love and hugs to all!!!! I'm beyond busy right now with my advisor breathing down my neck!!!! Don't have much time, but know I'm thinking and praying for all!!!!!

HG

Impurrfect

(((Anna))) - SO glad you like your new boss. I know, with me, it makes a huge difference. I'm with you on advancement...maybe a 15-cents/hour raise for some major headaches..no thanks.

(((Chino))) - glad you are home and doing okay. I think a nap sounds good

(((HG))) - I've actually never even MET my advisor. We're changing from semester to quarter system, starting this fall, and it was on the website that we need to talk to our advisors. I had to call and ask who mine was? It turned out to be the one I'd e-mailed to make sure I have all the classes I need, so I'd already done it. Maybe I'll meet her when I actually start the program.

I had a good nap, woke up and asked stepmom if she'd heard from dad. He had to have something "reset", it was only $82.50, and he was back on the road. I called and updated him on the dentist stuff and told him I'd asked "my recovery friends" for good thoughts and prayers for him to get back on the road, and obviously it worked, and suggested he may want to say a "thank you". I don't HARP on him about it, but I do mention that prayers shouldn't always be about what you want, but thanks for what you've got.

I've been studying, can NOT comprehend it without taking notes, didn't want to be on the laptop, so am handwriting them out. Got fed up with "intrinsic", "extrensic", "efferent", "afferent", etc. so am taking a break. Sent an e-mail to my cousins with an update and was totally upbeat, which is how I feel. Don't know how this will all turn out, but I have a feeling it will, and I'll get my teeth situation worked out.

Love to all!!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LeadHatter

Hi i'm Kevin i'm a pretty alright person-now

I don't work or nothing like this at present mainly due to going 'full blown' alcoholic and on anti-depression meds etc etc. Been sober now 8 weeks 2 days and considering whether i am co-dependant (seems likely).

Stuff improving day by day-not sure yet what 2 do if i do (as i suspect) turn out to be co-dependent. I will read codependent no more and see if this helps. In a way i hope i am codependent as this would explain the obsessive thoughts i can have about mentally ill neighbors and the fact that (until i discovered i was probably co dep tonight) my gut instinct was to risk danger for the sake of aiding another person [despite knowing i was putting myself in danger].

people have oft considered me caring and overly sensitive to a fault and uber polite.
It took a some clear language and a bit of rapport from someone on this site to help me where nobody else seemed able (thanks d

to read that i am as i have always suspected f'''ed up in some way previously undefinable in the mists of time now revealed is quite a relief. Growing up my mother had 3 mental breakdowns, i guess she felt like a soccer player and wanted a hat trick.

I used to consider for many years my father an alcoholic. i was a bedwetter and alcoholic for a long time (well over 20years old) as well as a porn and sex addict masturbator since puberty. what a horror

I am now 2 months+ substance clean and sober plus one month (today) sexually sober (which for me is no pornography or sexual self love) and walking what i see to be recoverys bright hopeful but still for me uncertain road.

Im not sure exactly how to handle co-dependency or really what to do about it-it has come to ahead due to me having a self harming full blown alcoholic v friendly guy next door me trying to help him and someone (dee) suggesting that codependant no more book.

i feel great just to know what the hell is the matter with me and other people, why i can be a bleeding heart etc, why i have been good at caring empathising etc traditional female traits and why perhaps i have ended up where i am today-sure the past is the past but it does help to know how you came to be. .

I dont intend to drink tomorrow and will stay sober the next day and the next until.....who can say - i enjoy recovery and intend to stay sexually sober also (no porn no mb). Life is getting better-this site rocks on gas and i enjoy life so much better sober. its all new though and thats rather sweet since until 1 month ago i had probably been an addict since puberty and im 32 now

Lets hope with co-dependency i have finally 'hit the nail on the head' regarding what i hope can be a 'usual' [whatever that means] life. maybe i can get a stable female partner, the house, the dogs the 2.4 children-plus some other stuff.

I'm so glad Ive stopped acting out with sex and alcohol.

I also wish that should i have children one day (as is my want) i will give them a better time than did i. how to beat codependency? don't be an addict, don't shoot yourself in the foot+a little/some support and some normal non maladaptive usual life adaptation. ill give it some though-i feel so privileged right now and eager to live

this plus feeling maybe some of how i am/was was genuinely not my fault does help me, although i know as an addict ive been bad and destructive also to others and i admit this and will make amends and am/are doing where possible. sad to say my truth may well be what i always suspected-broken home.

Any other stories of others personal struggles with co-dependency / recovery will be gladly read, ruminated, recycled, registered, and and recalled since i want a nice set of 5 positive rs

thanks SR honestly

kevin:>

ps be well no addictions and take care everyone of yourself [FIRST i guess thats a boundary thing, although without reading this book boundaries confuse me - i feel stronger now however to know that kevin make sense - though put of course i regret the time lost. but im generally positive and optimistic today]

Impurrfect

(((Kevin))) - welcome to the "codie thread"! I'm an RA (crack) as well as a recovering codie. I KNEW I was one, a long, long time ago...went through 2 copies of "Codependent No More", highlighting, wearing one out and bought another. However, I wasn't yet ready to do anything about it. It took me developing my OWN addiction (in large part because I was so stressed about my dysfunctional relationship with XABF#1 - I have THREE XABF's) to seek recovery on both sides.

This thread has been invaluable, as has the Friends/family forums (F&F). FWIW, I actually have struggled more with the codie recovery, though have made some marked improvements. I could put down the crack, never pick it up again, but I can't "put down" people, and I have some pretty dysfunctional family, but things are getting better.

I was relieved to find so many people that had the same feelings, that risked their own safety/sanity/serenity to "help" out others that often didn't WANT the help, or needed something I can't give.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Friday, March 4, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Higher Power as a Source

I've learned I can take care of myself, and what I can't do, God will do for me.
—Al-Anon member

God, a Higher Power as we understand Him, is our source of guidance and positive change. This doesn't mean we're not responsible for ourselves. We are. But we aren't in this alone.

Recovery is not a do-it-yourself project. We don't have to become overly concerned about changing ourselves. We can do our part, relax, and trust that the changes we'll experience will be right for us.

Recovery means we don't have to look to other people as our source to meet our needs. They can help us, but they are not the source.

As we learn to trust the recovery process, we start to understand that a relationship with our Higher Power is no substitute for relationships with people. We don't need to hide behind religious beliefs or use our relationship with a Higher Power as an excuse to stop taking responsibility for ourselves and taking care of ourselves in relationships. But we can tap into and trust a Power greater than ourselves for the energy, wisdom, and guidance to do that.

Today, I will look to my Higher Power as a source for all my needs, including the changes I want to make in my recovery.

LeadHatter

Just looked up the word 'onus' as in 'putting the onus on someone else' to do something - in my case i guess the onus is on my neighbor to call round, its his responsibility if he wants to do it(or not) and me sitting worrying about it wont help-is that codependent slash recovering codependent though processing?kevin

Seren

(((Kevin))) Yep, the only people we can control is ourselves. That's incredibly frustrating for folks like us, but it is incredibly freeing to think about as well!!

Half the battle is recognizing our own thought patterns and working to change our responses to certain situations. Keep reading, keep posting!!!!

Hugs, HG

salbart

I've authored two books on addictive dynamics in relationships and feminine spirituality. That should make me an "expert" but I am, like all of us, on a journey of emotional and spiritual maturity.

A dear friend of mine recently reminded me that when I compare myself to others I will come up short but when I compare myself to myself and how far I've come in my own recovery work, all is well.

Also, if I may, here is quote from my book, BLESSINGS FROM MARY. Love and blessings to all, Sally


Self love and self forgiveness are the foundations on which we are able to love others.
Wisdom of Mary Magdalene

LeadHatter

Just went to the library looking for a book on co-dependence-turns out there were not any ive ordered one from the library in their central stockpile or whatever but it will not arriveat my local library until next friday:/

Impurrfect

((Salbart)) - Welcome to SR and the codie thread!

((Kevin)) - the first part of codie recovery, from me, was recognizing my thought patterns (as ((HG)) pointed out), and then working at how to change those thought patterns.

Sorry you couldn't find a book, but I'm pretty there are posts of when people went through codie no more, chapter by chapter, and maybe some other books on the F&F forums, you'll probably just have to look back a bit, as well as daily readings, here from "Language of Letting Go", that go way back.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

BigDreams1

(((Welcome Salbart and Kevin!)))

What you will find here are caring, honest, non-judgmental people who are all works in progress.

Two years ago I wanted to check out because I felt I had lost all control of my life and being a Codie...that was terrifying.

Now...I have more stressful things going on in my life than ever, but I am relatively at peace as I have some codie tools like detachment with love, and progress not perfection, and stying in my own hula hoop, and the serenity prayer that help me live moment to moment in peace rather than living in the "what if" with terror.

Again welcome!
Loves,
Annie

Impurrfect

(((Annie))) - it's SO good to hear you sounding so much more peaceful

I got called into work an hour early, was originally positioned on front counter, but told T that I'd talked with M, I was burned out on that, and wanted to go back in DT.

I did, but D has a different way of managing, and I'm going to have to adjust. She kept telling me to do stuff on the headset, which comes OVER what the customers are saying, and I had some really wacko customers, so got frustrated.

She said she'd gotten about 10 complaints on me...that I was rude, was I knew?, etc. It bothered me, at first, but then I let it go. I told her I just need to get used to working back there with her, that she had kept cutting off my customers and it got me frustrated.

Luckily, we've worked through so much, she was supportive. She's burned out, too...has asked for a DEmotion, was told no, and is moving back to LA in May.

I worked a little over 9 hours with no break, again. Did get to go outside and take a couple puffs of a cigarette and grab my Atkins diet drink, as I was hungry and didn't want to start grazing...that was 7-1/2 hours after I'd gotten there.

I'm wired, but tired, if that makes sense. I'm thinking tomorrow will be a better day and I'll be able to get back my "groove" of working in DT with D. I told her I just had to learn to "tune out all the chatter on the headset" and she was not offended, just nodded.

Got recovery to thank for how we work together.

Elvis is "marking" everything...even if he just came inside. I'm sure part of it is because he's sick, and partly because he really doesn't like Mots. I simply can't bring myself to put him down because of this, when otherwise he is doing well. I just chase him with the spray bottle of "Zero Odor" if I catch him before he does it. Good thing I have two big bottles of it and it works. Don't even want to think of when I do have to let him go

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Gypsy Feet

Saturday, March 5, 2011
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Be Who You Are

When I meet people or get in a new relationship, I start putting all these repressive restrictions on myself. I can't have my feelings. Can't have my wants and needs. Can't have my history. Can't do the things I want, feel the feelings I'm feeling, or say what I need to say. I turn into this repressed, perfectionistic robot, instead of being who I am: Me.
—Anonymous

Sometimes, our instinctive reaction to being in a new situation is: Don't be yourself.

Who else can we be? Who else would you want to be? We don't need to be anyone else.

The greatest gift we can bring to any relationship wherever we go is being who we are.

We may think others won't like us. We may be afraid that if we just relax and be ourselves, the other person will go away or shame us. We may worry about what the other person will think.

But, when we relax and accept ourselves, people often feel much better being around us than when we are rigid and repressed. We're fun to be around.

If others don't appreciate us, do we really want to be around them? Do we need to let the opinions of others control our behavior and us?

Giving ourselves permission to be who we are can have a healing influence on our relationships. The tone relaxes. We relax. The other person relaxes. Then everybody feels a little less shame, because they have learned the truth. Who we are is all we can be, all were meant to be, and it's enough. It's fine.

Our opinion of ourselves is truly all that matters. And we can give ourselves all the approval we want and need.

Today, I will relax and be who I am in my relationships. I will do this not in a demeaning or inappropriate way, but in a way that shows I accept myself and value who I am. Help me, God, let go of my fears about being myself.

Gypsy Feet

Great reading. I have to tell you my friends, I am so on the beam these days. I am comfortable with me, with my surroundings, with my circumstances. I live a life of abundance and I am truly blessed.

I am at my sisters baby sitting my nephew, and my daughter came down for some mommy time last night. we all curled up in bed with the new puppy and the cats. For a few minutes I felt weird. I realized the weird was a fear that wanted to bubble up, so I got quiet and let it. It had something to do with the level of intimacy and vulnerability I feel around my daughter.

I can't love people too much =) So I just let myself feel the intensity of the moment, and then said a prayer of gratitude.

i have been meditating this week at a beautiful temple up in the mountains wrapped in mist. I had my eyebrows done and paid for my first massage ever. I have been doing some quality spiritual work with a few close friends, some who are at turning points in their lives, and some who are helping to guide me.

This time wont last forever. My financial situation will change and I will have to go back to work eventually. I am determined to make the most of the extra hours I have now.

I am learning every day to love myself for who I am, as my HP does, and it is nice

Impurrfect

(((Lisa))) - you sound awesome. So happy you're doing things for yourself, and you got to spend some quality time with your family.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chino

I had a moment like that today. My cousin, the soldier, spent the night here on her way to another fort for specialized training before deployment. She, my son and daughter are all second cousins, and she met daughter once before but it was during active addiction. This was the first time she met my son and they all acted like brother and sisters. In my culture, that is what cousins are -- brothers and sisters.

As she was leaving, daughter hugged her and said she was glad for the do-over, she wasn't in a good place last time. Cousin suddenly ripped the insignia patch off of her camo shoulder and gave it to daughter, because it's the same symbol daughter has tattooed on her forearm (she put the tattoo on her forearm on purpose, so if she ever thought about using again she would have to see it).

Daughter was so surprised and had tears in her eyes. She said she was inspired and, though our cousin doesn't know the back story, it was like all of us knew something amazing had just happened.

I'm sharing the moment with you but I can't verbalize how I felt. I said a prayer of thanks, too