temlin3

Quote from aloneagainor...
When you analyze what you are, have a firm desire to banish your weaknesses and to make yourself what you ought to be. Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed with discouragement atthe revelation of your shortcomings that honest self-analysis usually brings.
--Paramhansa Yogananda
End quote.

This is so true. I find myself recently thinking about my life, the good and bad things I have doen and what has happened to me... I find myself seeking peace with those things, the horrible experiences that have plagued me my entire life. It's been so rewarding to me, making me feel hope that I haven't felt since... since I don't know when. I am confident that this is the path to complete acceptance of myself, which can only lead to finding my true self. I hope to reach a point where I do not hide anymore from anything, especially myself. I feel like I am discovering myself again for the first time. And it's making me feel like I never actually did this before... like there is no "first time" to compare it to. I am finding myself and becoming who I am for the first time. What an extraordinary thing... It's overwhelming.

Thank you all. I wouldn't be at this point in my life if it wasn't for SR, NA, and the wonderful people I have been introduced to as a result of those groups.

Love,
Jennifer

Luckyv2

This was one of my daily readings that I post in the substance abuse column and thought that since the title of this thread was opportunities that it gave me the opportunity to post it here as well

July 15

Recognizing Opportunities

Today is a day of opportunity. Any experiences that we have today0-good or bad-can be seen as opportunities, opportunities to grow closer to God.

As bread is food for the body, opportunities are food for the soul. Do I see all the opportunities in my daily life? Do I take advantage of them?

I pray that I may use my experiences

as opportunities to grow closer to God.

Today I will look for opportunities by?

aloneagainor

Self-analysis without outside perspective can so quickly turn back around on itself and lead us right back into our own best thinking. Imperative we keep checking our motives and directives with others, in particular, with others who have been here and progressed through, found success in recovery and know how to implement and integrate those principles in their daily lives.

Thanks for calling this thread up again Vic. I had to let it go, for despite my best intentions to attend the Wednesday night meeting, when it came time that evening to shower and depart, I changed my mind. Didn't have the energy or desire to go. I just wanted to stay home and read, go for a walk, further my attempt to learn how to at least sit at calm meditative peace with myself. My mind has been racing-spinning-reeling without stop as long as I can remember, and I've never learned, much less tried to learn, how to slow it down, to get outside my own head and connect with my heart, the Spirit that surrounds and is within me. It's all been a cognative pursuit. There's a severe disconnect between head and heart. It seems of highest priority now to focus in that direction of building connection.

Though NOT in isolation! Last night I counted 12 (!) people with whom I can freely, openly, honestly, and directly converse, who can hear me and not judge, respond with forward thinking perspective and directive...and of critical importance, with whom I'm willing and able to listen and TRUST what they're saying. I'm extremely particular, I realize. But in this pursuit I have also found the best resources, and am now learning how to tap into their insights so to learn from them. At the core this requires faith, hope, trust, and willingness to perceive and receive. I didn't have that as recently as just a few months ago. I had to give a lot of self-protection/ distancing of self up in order to be able to let others in. Carefully still guarding who and what may enter, yet those filters are in place for a reason. Quality control? Or just keeping out questionable or negative input...probably both.

Soon I'll be calling the dogs and we're headed for a nature preserve. Going for a morning hike before the heat of the sun cooks the day. At the preserve late this morning is a "Welcome to the World" ceremony for the infant daughter of friends of mine, they're hosting the get-together event and I'm invited. Good people will be there, I met some at their wedding five years ago, and others are mutual acquaintences. Perhaps my dogs and I will be accompanied by others on the hiking trails. I'm OPEN to company and conversation. To see what opportunities for learning and friendship might be there. And if no-one joins me that's quite fine too.

"The primary sign of a well-ordered mind is a man's ability to remain in one place and linger in his own company." --Seneca, mid 1st Century, A.D.

aloneagainor

We arrived early to the nature preserve, it was 90 sunny and hot, and the mosquitoes and deerflies were a nusiance. But the dogs and I were eager to explore the trails and set out on a hike. Almost immediately I heard what sounded like chicks crying, really BIG chicks, and tracking the sound high into a Cottonwood tree I spotted the nest. An adult Bald Eagle flew in to the attend feeding her young. I was impressed, and felt so blessed to see this.

In attendence at the dedication ceremony were 40 beautiful souls, gathered to welcome a new life to this world. We paid tribute to the four elements and offered thanks to the four directions, also recognizing the sky above and the earth below for their life-giving properties. Connections. Interconnectedness. For a time, I felt like I belonged in the company of others. But of course soon after the formal ceremony ended I couldn't stay, just so lacking in social skills. Said warm thank you's and well-wishes, then returned home to spend the day alone, yet immersed in postitive hopeful mindset. I've never felt lonely or alone. It's so much more comfortable to be alone.

The head of the Wednesday night NA group called this week and left a message, there will be no meeting this week, she's occupied elsewhere, and there is no-one else to host the meeting. It's done. I wasn't sure I'd be going back anyway, and apprarently that's not the direction I'm supposed to be going. I truly do believe the phrase "Go to where you're led."

Only now I don't know where I'm being led to. There's huge motivation to engage only through written word. Where connections are without stress, demand, nor on command. Everyone free to pick up and leave off wherever, whenever, and if ever they so choose. I don't want to oblige anyone in any way to converse with me. And I don't know how to talk in person, or on the phone, conversation so halted, stunted, complicated. Mind you, I can engage on a superficial level fluently, with ease. So long as it's nothing personal, and I'm free to depart within a few minutes time. Maybe I'm still hiding. Thank you for listening.

Luckyv2

Oh the nature of God Her self wow just wow. You know it is such a blessing to come here and to see what life is truly worth living for, to know that others appreciate the time in life, to see a bald eagle soaring ahead, or to see a white dove that fly by you when we are doing the 4 direction, the up above and below. That is so huge and what an opportunity to be able to see these things through unclouded minds.

Sometimes it really doesn't matter where we are headed, or even being led to. We just have to believe that we are doing what is expected of us at any given time. Just like doing the right thing for the right reason. Not because we should do it but because we want to do it in our hearts. It is so different being clean that almost everything that we have done or everything that we are going to do, is not familiar ground. So we have to be taught how to live clean, the opportunity to talk on the phone, the opportunity to walk up to someone and look them in the eye and say HI> Those are the blessing that sobriety gives up Just For Today. Thanks for sharing and allowing a junkie like me to be a part of.

Love Vic

aloneagainor

You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you find a new way
You can do it today
And you can make it all true
And you can make it undo, you'll see
It's easy... you only need to know...

If you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'cuz there's a million ways to be,
you know that there are.
--Cat Stevens (Yusaf Islam)

The lyrics are probably a bit off, I'm going off memory here, but the song...that theme...plays in mind often.

But with our mind in-tact, our heart in the right place, and in the good company of other like-minded inspired souls, the spirit is well-guided. I love the good people I've met here and all that I'm learning. With gratitude...

Luckyv2

Yes with our minds that are healing everyday! And our hearts opening to all possibilities and the opportunities that we get each day to do the right thing. I am just amazed at how life is full of fun, happiness, joy! I am doing things now that I have NEVER done, and yet I am enjoying my life to the fullest. God is the credit for that, not me. The only thing that I do is try to stay out of His way.

Love Vic