Cleo1234

Hi everyone,

Iv'e been reading posts here for a little while and thought I would post myself for some advise.

My H left 3 months ago and currently lives in his office...we have a 16 month old baby. Althought we have had problems throughout our marriage Im becoming to realize that maybe it was the drugs that emotionally detached us from eachother.

He started with pot...and this has never stoped and then to Meth....he was arrested twice and put into a program here in southern california called drug court. He got tested three times a week for 1 year..He was forced to stop cold turkey with no real in house rehab. All he did was go to group and individual meetings weekly.

it seems with all I read that a person cant get off meth without some "real" treatment. So now Im left wondering how he did it. Is it possible that he can stop whenever he wishes.
Although that year was hard for him...maybe the fear of jail kept him clean.

He has lost 45 pounds in about 3 months and sends me these horriblly awful e mail at about how i was the worst wife and how i ruined the 8 years of his life i was with him..and that hes so glad were not together anymore. Do you think the drugs makes him speak such vile @#%$...or can I believe there is at least some truth to it. He knows Im having a very hard time with being separated and he tells me that i need to find someone else to make this process easier for me...he says hes moved on and is already dating.

This separation is sooooo hard on me...as I do have my own dependancy issues, but besides that I do want him back....we have a small baby and I want to help him through his problem.
Sometimes I think Im the crazy one! How could I want someone that has said the most horrid things to me???
But maybe its just the drugs..i dont know...maybe he started using again because being married and having a baby at 25 is too much for a person to handle. Hes a very complex and intence person that requires adrenaline daily...as he says.

What kills me the most is that he already has a profile with pictures on a dating ad on the web...talk about a stab in the heart. We were married for 4 years...together 8.

I appreciate any info. you all can offer.

Sincerely,

dotcom

hello! im longboarder. i have experience with meth.

"a person" is very unique and complex. quitting is a personal "lifestyle change" that only that person can make. that decision can be made whenever that person decides they want to make that decision. i got off of meth without "real" treatment. i was shooting, smoking and snorting. was it difficult? LOL, yes. was it impossible? no. even though the fact that we are all unique is an important thing to keep in mind, addiction is addiction.

no, i dont believe its the drugs that make him speak those things to you. throughout my using, i made conscious and impulsive decisions to lie, hurt, scream, poke fun at my family and friends. i knew what i was doing, because drugs or no drugs i was a rotten person. i wont blame my using for my behaviors. perhaps for my family that explains "why" but i feel they deserve better than that, as do i. he sounds like not a very kind person. have you checked out the family and friends section?

being stressed is not an excuse for using. having a child is not an excuse for using. he seems to have given you many reasons for "why".


i hope things work out for you. do you do any nice things for yourself? shopping? hobbies? friends? relationships can rip hearts out, but regardless we've always got our relationship with ourselves. and as ive heard, thats all we can control, work on, fix, change, mold, meld, etc.

best wishes!!!

Paulie

cleo -

I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I could sit here and type my story for days to you but it won't help. The truth is he is an addict and he will not get help until he wants to get help. Hop on over to the Naranon board here and get to know some of the people there. They are going through or have been through exactly your situation.

I will tell you that when I put drugs in my body I am a different person, my morals, my sense of caring, everything goes right out the window. I have such a loathing for myself that I loath everyone around me and I want them to know it. That does not make me a bad person, it makes me an addict who is a bad person when I use.

God Bless and please get some help for yourself and your child.

lonlion

You should know that if he is using and you don't want him to, he will push you or anyone out of the way to continue his using and justify it any way he can.

Sandy Marie

This is true. He won't stop until he makes the decision on his own.

Cleo1234

Thank you all for your replies.
I appreciate the time you took to give me some advise.


Sincerely.