i had seven months
an addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: not far from heaven
Posts: 22
i had seven months
i had seven months clean. i picked up saturday night. cocaine. i was going to lie about it- i wasn't going to tell anyone- but i went to my meeting- and i couldn't do it. i broke down and came clean. i feel better, but i still want it. why can't i overcome this? seven months without it was a miracle- but now that i had a taste of it- i want it even more. seven months down the drain. i let myself down. i let my sponsor down. if anyone has any advice- i'd appreciate it- i'm thinking about going to an NA meeting- i've been going to AA, i've heard NA makes you want to use- anyway, i welcome opinions.
thanks,
an addict
thanks,
an addict
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi addict
Welcome
Kel here, fellow addict.
7 months clean is a miracle in my book.
And you can have more miracles and they can last longer.
Unfortunatly with addiction you kinda have to be your own doctor.
It is better do do it in a community of people who are also battling demons
of all sorts.
It is no mistake that alot of the people who help to treat the addict now were once addicted themselves...
what a blessing they share with us.
You know that saying about walking in someones shoes..
Or was that a Johnny Cash song?
So hike up your britches and get back on this bus.
Welcome
Kel here, fellow addict.
7 months clean is a miracle in my book.
And you can have more miracles and they can last longer.
Unfortunatly with addiction you kinda have to be your own doctor.
It is better do do it in a community of people who are also battling demons
of all sorts.It is no mistake that alot of the people who help to treat the addict now were once addicted themselves...
what a blessing they share with us.
You know that saying about walking in someones shoes..
Or was that a Johnny Cash song?
So hike up your britches and get back on this bus.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Good on the seven months!
A taste of freedom for sure.
You relapsed, as many of us do. And you told on yourself.
Another victory.
I guess you realize now just how progressive addiction is. For seven months, you stayed clean. But at the same time, the disease inside, although you weren't feeding it, grew.
Now it wants more.
Advice? Step One, all over again.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
Glad you made it in.
A taste of freedom for sure.
You relapsed, as many of us do. And you told on yourself.
Another victory.
I guess you realize now just how progressive addiction is. For seven months, you stayed clean. But at the same time, the disease inside, although you weren't feeding it, grew.
Now it wants more.
Advice? Step One, all over again.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
Glad you made it in.
an addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: not far from heaven
Posts: 22
i think i'm ready now. i have tears in my eyes- i didn't seven months ago. this must be the difference. or is it just d.t.s maybe i shouldn't question it. i am reading my aa step book again- would you believe i went through the 12 steps with my sponsor? maybe i did it too quickly. i called her everyday... i went to meetings everyday- what went wrong? i wanted to pick up more than i didn't i guess. thanks for replying.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by ohsotired
i think i'm ready now. i have tears in my eyes- i didn't seven months ago. this must be the difference. or is it just d.t.s maybe i shouldn't question it. i am reading my aa step book again- would you believe i went through the 12 steps with my sponsor? maybe i did it too quickly. i called her everyday... i went to meetings everyday- what went wrong? i wanted to pick up more than i didn't i guess. thanks for replying.
My sponsor recently picked up again after 15 years.
Vicious thing, addiction.
That we know we have the choice, and still pick up.
We all get to recovery through different doors.
The important thing is to step through.
I'm Dan by the way, addict.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Welcome Ohsotired,
I'm Sherry, a grateful recovering addict.
I want to start by saying don't beat yourself up about the relapse.
Relapse is not a requirment, but sometimes it is neccessary.
It says on pg.74 of the NA Basic Text: a relapse may be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program.
That's what happened to me.
I came into the rooms of NA in 92. I got 9 months. I went in and out for the next 12 years. This time I have totally surrendered. This time I am trying to live by the suggestions made by recovering addicts who have multiple years. This time it feels right. I'm no longer fighting with myself about whether I'm really an addict. I have accepted it and now I am working a program of recovery. I just take it one day at a time, I pray alot and I go to a meeting every day. I have 99 days today, but we both have the most important one, TODAY!!!!
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
sherry
I'm Sherry, a grateful recovering addict.
I want to start by saying don't beat yourself up about the relapse.
Relapse is not a requirment, but sometimes it is neccessary.
It says on pg.74 of the NA Basic Text: a relapse may be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program.
That's what happened to me.
I came into the rooms of NA in 92. I got 9 months. I went in and out for the next 12 years. This time I have totally surrendered. This time I am trying to live by the suggestions made by recovering addicts who have multiple years. This time it feels right. I'm no longer fighting with myself about whether I'm really an addict. I have accepted it and now I am working a program of recovery. I just take it one day at a time, I pray alot and I go to a meeting every day. I have 99 days today, but we both have the most important one, TODAY!!!!
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
sherry
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
That is probably one of the suckiest things about addiction
Somehow it is a shadow that haunts us forever.
Young/Old it shows no mercy.
I think I heard somewhere that you keep doing the steps for life,
at your own rate of course...but you do have to work it...
Somehow it is a shadow that haunts us forever.
Young/Old it shows no mercy.
I think I heard somewhere that you keep doing the steps for life,
at your own rate of course...but you do have to work it...
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Never, Never land
Posts: 2,851
Like I say to anyone who relapses. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. There is no sense in beating yourself up over it. It is done, you can't change it, so learn from it. I relapsed off and on for 3 years before it finally sank in.
I am really bothered by the fact that you heard that NA will make you want to use. NA is the only thing that ever made me NOT want to use. After many relapses, I am now coming up on 8 years ONLY through working and living the program of Narcotics Anonymous.
I am really bothered by the fact that you heard that NA will make you want to use. NA is the only thing that ever made me NOT want to use. After many relapses, I am now coming up on 8 years ONLY through working and living the program of Narcotics Anonymous.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
Welcome oh so tired! If you can stay clean for today you can stay clean indefinatley. You never have to use again no matter what! I think you nailed it when you said " i wanted to pick up more than i didn't." Staying clean has to be our first priority.
You didn't let anyone down. For us using is more natural than staying clean .... until we get to a point where it doesn't feel weird anymore however long that takes us. Clean time doesn't necessarily gurantee us anything, but the desire to stay clean today can guarantee us just that.. being clean today. We learn to live in the here and now.
You didn't let anyone down. For us using is more natural than staying clean .... until we get to a point where it doesn't feel weird anymore however long that takes us. Clean time doesn't necessarily gurantee us anything, but the desire to stay clean today can guarantee us just that.. being clean today. We learn to live in the here and now.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
welcome to SR !
My name is Trish and I am an addict . I am sorry that you are hurting right now but I think you have learned a great lesson in powerlessness . A great foundation for recovery can be built on that .I was addicted to that drug you posted about and had the obsession to use when I first started back in the program nine months ago. With meetings , sharing thinking it thru and praying ,the obsession is gone today.Hang in there .. " this too shall pass " Prayers 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: FL
Posts: 39
Been a while since I posted on this site, but I really like this topic.
I see many people that have drug problems go to AA and stay clean for a while, relapse, and then end up in NA.
I tried going to AA and NA years ago and found NA to be a better choice for me.
My drug of chioce was more. For me, it isn't about specific substances any more.
In NA we don't care what or how much you used only what you want to do about your problem and how we can help.
Eight months is a significant amount of clean time, but what are you going to do different this time?
Will going to an NA meeting make you want to use? I don't know.
I do know the NA program works for me and thousands of other addicts.
It may be worth a try.
Good luck and God Bless.
bobbyd
I see many people that have drug problems go to AA and stay clean for a while, relapse, and then end up in NA.
I tried going to AA and NA years ago and found NA to be a better choice for me.
My drug of chioce was more. For me, it isn't about specific substances any more.
In NA we don't care what or how much you used only what you want to do about your problem and how we can help.
Eight months is a significant amount of clean time, but what are you going to do different this time?
Will going to an NA meeting make you want to use? I don't know.
I do know the NA program works for me and thousands of other addicts.
It may be worth a try.
Good luck and God Bless.
bobbyd
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: OKC
Posts: 50
For me... I must never forget that I am an addict. If I do... I am doomed.
KUDOS to you for coming back... some of us never make it back at all. Don't beat yourself up... you are not alone... and certainly not the 1st to relapse. Dwell not upon yesterday... but focus on today... do the "next right thing"... and it will insure a better tomorrow.
So very glad you are here... and welcome to SoberRecovery.
KUDOS to you for coming back... some of us never make it back at all. Don't beat yourself up... you are not alone... and certainly not the 1st to relapse. Dwell not upon yesterday... but focus on today... do the "next right thing"... and it will insure a better tomorrow.
So very glad you are here... and welcome to SoberRecovery.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: FL
Posts: 39
Thanks Gooch. Been busy with life- bought a new home with a couple of acres, a real fixer-upper but nice.
It's amazing to me how much we can accomplish when we're clean and working a program of recovery.
Glad to be back online with you nice folks.
Talk back at you soon.
bobbyd
It's amazing to me how much we can accomplish when we're clean and working a program of recovery.
Glad to be back online with you nice folks.
Talk back at you soon.
bobbyd
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: York,Pa
Posts: 2
Hi all I'm Michelle I'm an addict. Ohsotired, well your not alone, I had 8 months clean and used as well. I went thru feeling that I let all sorts of people down, but in truth the only person I let down was myself. What everyone says here is definetly true, especially the part about don't beat yourself up over it. What's done is done, all we can do is pick ourselves up and try again. For me, the first 3 months of my clean time was in jail, it wasn't a choice to stay clean, but the next 5 months was. I have been thinking every minute of every day why I chose to give back that clean time, and the only answer is because I wanted to. Well during my relapse I was in the shooting gallery and alot that I learned in NA hit me, the little sayings that they use and the one that touched me and made me run out the back door was *We have a choice, and we don't have to live like this anymore* I thank God for NA and how supportive everyone was when I showed up in the room and intorducing myself as a newcomer.
I would suggest trying an NA meeting, I'm not sure who told you that going to NA makes you want to use, but I know our meetings in my area, they don't make me want to use. My problem was I stopped going to the meetings.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it!!!
Michelle
I would suggest trying an NA meeting, I'm not sure who told you that going to NA makes you want to use, but I know our meetings in my area, they don't make me want to use. My problem was I stopped going to the meetings.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it!!!
Michelle
an addict
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: not far from heaven
Posts: 22
thank you all for your replies- my sponsor and friends in the rooms all have said the same things. what i left out was that i picked up with my boyfriend. i came clean- he didn't. he has been sharing at meetings that i picked up, and he has been getting sympathy... his sponsor and the like have been telling him to stay away from me- this morning he broke up with me. it hurts so much. but, i know the truth and so does he. the truth will keep him out there and me in here, and i don't belong with someone like that anyway, right? but it hurts so much. i am crying non-stop, and will be for a time to come, i'm sure- that's normal. i'm tired of this pain. i want it to stop. i need step three now more than anything. it step three the same in na as it is in aa? my christ, this hurts. thank you all again for your feedback. it's nice to feel welcome.
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