Should I Leave Him??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Redding, CA
Posts: 12
Should I Leave Him??
My fiance is addicted to meth, pot, alcohol, chewing tabacco, and used to be addicted to sex. Should I leave him? I love him dearly, but it's so diffuclt to live with his addictions. What's an addict's perspective? Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Under The Stars
Posts: 47
Pecabell,
I'm not an addict but I used to love/live with one!
What qualities of your fiance DO you admire? What is it that you love about him so much that you just can't possibly live without him?
That question was asked of me and it was a real eye opener!
Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without! (Dr. Dobson)
Hope to hear back from you!
I'm not an addict but I used to love/live with one!
What qualities of your fiance DO you admire? What is it that you love about him so much that you just can't possibly live without him?
That question was asked of me and it was a real eye opener!
Never marry the one you can live with, marry the one you can't live without! (Dr. Dobson)
Hope to hear back from you!
It is what it is!!!
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Sobriety
Posts: 5,767
If you have not already done so, hop on over to the Naranon board and do some reading. There are alot of people over there in the same situation as you.
You cannot stop him from using, all you can do for yourself is make the decision to stay or go.
Good luck to you both.
You cannot stop him from using, all you can do for yourself is make the decision to stay or go.
Good luck to you both.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Redding, CA
Posts: 12
I've been looking for "the one" for a long time...in my 40s, and he has so many qualities I love, except horribly addicted. I wanted to know what an addict thought about my leaving him, maybe the answer would be the one I wanted to hear. Seems I CAN'T live without him, but can't live with him either! Thanks guys, for your help. Thanks Paulie...I'll keep reading.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Redding, CA
Posts: 12
It's funny, because he also knows how much he is using me. He is well aware of what he is doing...just can't seem to stop it. This is a very bad game, with no good ending, it seems. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Pecabell
It's funny, because he also knows how much he is using me. He is well aware of what he is doing...just can't seem to stop it. This is a very bad game, with no good ending, it seems. Thank you.
This was written by an addict.
His name is Jon, and he founded this online community.
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
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