Iamanaddict

I entered into a sick relationship with another addict and left treatment with him over 2 years ago.

Since then our relationship has got worse, and we both relapsed together twice this year.

I am now 63 days clean, and it has been the hardest 63 days of my life. My ex is still using.

Last night he rang me up dosed up on heroin, he is depressed and suicidal. Having gone around to see him the last couple of nights, I did not feel safe to go around their again last night and be with him.

I made a decision to call the local crisis team, and they decided not to go around and see him either. I rang his sponsor and other oldtimers and they were not prepared to go around and see him, as we have been trying to help him for months. He knows the tools but chooses not to use them.

I had to let go last night, and it has been the one of the most challenging things I have ever had to go through. I am powerless over people, places and things, and am in no space to help anyone at present.

I heard that my ex is ok today, and can't remember ringing me and others in recovery last night.

I fear that he may die, and I do not want to feel responsible for his death.

I am going to an interview this week, to get into a 4 month treatment program, to get some help. I pray to my Higher power to give me the strength I need to get through this, my greatest fear is that I will fail even before I reach rehab.

I ask anyone one out their for their experience, strength and hope.

God bless you in your recovery

Fidget

Baby....

If something does happen...God forbid, then it would not be your fault. look at all that you have accomplished! 63 days! WOW! you are doing better than i am. I am currently in a relationship with someone who uses, but not like me, but yet he doesnt understand. everyone on here told me that haveing a relationship would be hard with all i am going through. and they were all right! sometimes i guess you have to be alone with god for him to really hear you. if you can make it 63 days, you can do anything! i am proud of you! it is normal to be worried. you are further than he is... and it is understandable.. i am sorry that you are going thru that... but i KNOW you have the strength to do anything... you proved it already to yourself. no make life better! go all the way. Maybe someday down the line, he will be clean too, and then a better relationship is always possible!

Good luck!

fuster

You say you have 63 days clean. That is a start. You have no control over things outside yourself, so you have to find your way to detatching from them. Easy for me to say, I have been out of where you are for about ten years.

I had to split up with a girlfriend I was planning to marry, very early in recovery. She did not use. But her own relationship related issues (including codependence) were, I felt, interfering with my recovery. It was the right decision, although very painful and full of obsessive thoughts about what she was doing. It passed, and we are good friends today.

This will pass. Your recovery may not get another chance. If your partner or ex-partner does not make it, that is his doing. You can see from the reaction of others that they are exasperated from dealing with him, and they know what you hate to admit, that he does not want to stop and it may mean his demise, but that is not your concern.

You want to stay with a loser? Let him take you down with him? If we were talking about something like whether to drive a car on its last leg or get rid of it, the answer would be obvious. Here you have to deal with your own emotions which as an addict you don't have a clue, that is why you use (to get away from emotional situations that baffle you). It is painful because you are like a child dealing with a new life experience. You ask for advice, and you got it. Take care of "number one", otherwise known as "exercise self care". Use that as your mantra and get to treatment and do what they tell you to do. You can make it!

Moontime

Moontime-Addict I got into a sick relationship with another addict and it took us both out of the rooms and we nearly killed each other in relapses. You have to let go, if you want to live. If you love this person, I would suggest praying for him or something better. The "something better" is the kicker in every prayer, don't settle for less than you deserve in anything. Sick people attract sick people, water seeks it's own level. When you do a little work on your self people who's spirits are right will be attracted to you.

Ann25

You cannot control how other people feel, act, react, ect. Bottom line--
DO NOT FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING ANYONE ELSE DOES OR DOES NOT DO!!! You can only be responsible for YOUR RECOVERY!!!!!!!
Congratulations on 63 days!!!! That is great!!! Hold onto that and dont let anyone take you down!!!!!!

Novemberphoenix

Iamanaddict,

Welcome, you have recieved some pretty good advice here so far and I can certainly relate to where you are at having been in similar circumstances in the past and still dealing with my own codependency today.

Bottom line is you are only responsable for your own recovery and you have 63 days which is wonderful! Take care of you and pray, we have no control over people, places and things, give those to your Higher Power!

Hugs

Marie

Gooch

You are responsible for your recovery and yours only ... I can only imagine how worried you are for his well being but you did the very best you could do for him without jeopardizing your own recovery.

Thank you for sharing your experience, strength, and hope with us...

Prayers for your ex that he find his recovery in his time.

Chy

Be very glad you can go through this clean and sober! Big congrats to you and prayers going out for him. *hugs*

Iamanaddict

Thank you all for your posts, they have helped so much.
I had a slip last tuesday, due to a 13th Stepper in AA, I have told one of the oldtimers, a lady I trust in the fellowship, now she is aware (apparently he is well know for it!) I no longer trust men.

I went for an interview for the treatment centre, and it went well. I am now awaiting a date to go in, hopefully very soon.

So I am back to being clean for only 7 days, but I have been going to a meeting everyday and have moved in with a lady from AA, who has been sober for 5 years.

I am taking advantage of this opportunity for recovery, I am grabbing it with both hands, praying a lot. Trying to let my ex go.

Thanks again

fuster

Hope you get into the treatment center soon. Hang in there, girl. Glad to hear you are trying to let go of the "ex".