Fidget

Ok. I have not been on for a while, and i am sorry that i didnt check these boards. I had the worst thing happen to me, but luckily i have great friends. I was home alone and i was fine, and then all of a sudden i snapped! i mean i literally went crazy. i called up wes n kim, and kim was so shocked at my condition, she ran the phone to wes, and after about 3 hours, he talked me down. however, during my talking with him, i flushed all my pills and dumped most of my liquor! that was great for me, except it was the hardest thing i had ever done. i was crying, freaking out, and throwing everything. the house looked like it had been robbed. Then of course, to make matters worse, my BF and i fought. and we have been for about 3 days straight... so today i spazed! i just layed there and cried, and then he asked me what was wrong. i said... hello! i am going thru withdrawls. he said from what... (now mind you i told him about this when i first joined these boards.) THAT was when it finally hit him that i had a problem! he looked so scared, and then he asked me if i needed to go to the Hospital. I said, no... i just need him to help me. no more drugs in the house...ect. then he went on to tell me about a party that we were invited to, and since all this happened, he would feel better if i stayed with his parents so he could go. WTF! first he tells me that he wants to help and then i am going to be punished! NOT FAIR!

i am glad that he finally sees, but what can i do to show him i need his help? and that leaving me in an unconfortable situation is not too good for me?!

ne ideas?

he said to me tonight that he does not want me touching any pills or weed, but he said since i have gone thru the whole AA thing, that i can drink, bc since i went to those meetings, that he feels i can control myself! is this RIGHT?

i would think that it would be even worse for a recovering alch to stay away from it as far as possible...

:banghead:
i dont get it!

eddie z.

Uh...NO. What did they tell you in AA? Loss of control is one of the hallmarks of alcoholism. Do YOU think you can drink, that you can control it once you start? One doesn't "go through" the AA thing; it is a lifelong commitment because alcoholism is a lifelong disease. Tell your boyfriend to try Al-Anon. And do you have a sponsor? If not, go to meetings and get one. It sounds like you need to do a thorough First Step. Wishing you both the best!
Love, Eddie

Fidget

Eddie... I love you! LOL! i am always looking forward to talking to you! you are my angel! Thank you! both you and Chy are heavensent! Thanks for being dollies!

eddie z.

You're welcome, ((((Fidget))))! Love you, too. And yes, Chy is an also.
—Eddie

Fidget

I just have one question. My BF said to me last night when i was telling him all that was going on, that there is no physical way that i can become addicted to pot. i know this is not true, but he said to me, scientific studies have proven that weed is non addictive, and this is where his view point stayed when he got home from work. he works overnight and at 6am guarenteed, i am awakened by him, and cant get back to sleep.

aside from his absolut selfishness, i think he wants to help, but i cant let him help me until he sees there is a problem, and he believes it as well....

also, another quick thing that i would like opinions on...

I told him last night AGAIN, that i needed to get help, and he wanted to check me into a hospital. the first thing out of his mouth was not.. how can i help... but, do i need to admit you into the drug ward at the hospital. is this right? i told my mom about it, and her words were... if he really cared, he would not want to send you to a hospital, he would want to help you get away from it and at the same time have you near. What is his deal when it comes to this? I know that he said he didnt want to quit doing pot, but since that is my gateway, do you think that maybe he wanted me in the hospital to get rid of me, so he could continue with his smoking?

Just confused! Simply confused. :crying:

In memory of miracle

In the program of recovery I attend it is suggested I stay away from all mood altering substances in order to achieve sobriety ..I attend meetings on a regular basis and found my recovery hasto come first or I will die or worse for me be miserable . I also got a f2f sponser who helps me alot with " people , places and things " Prayers to you..Dont drink , Dont use , and go to meetings.... Trish

ashley80

Fidget, hello, I'm Ashley, an addict.

Your focus seems to be on your bf. Nothing wrong with that, but if you really want to get clean, you have to put yourself first. YOU have to decide if you need an inpatient stay, or if you can withdraw on your own at home. I don't know what you are addicted to, but I can tell you that medical help will make it much easier. And give you a better chance of succeeding.

How can your bf really help you? By proving that he loves you? How can he do that? I'm sure he cares very much for you, but only you can help yourself by not using, and getting the support you need to stay clean.

You are worth it, and you don't need him to prove that. Do it for you.
Ashley

Fidget

he could start by not smoking himself, or at least around me. we are supposed to be seeing his friends and all and he wants to leave me with his parents so he can go and smoke! i dont think this is helping... and then last night when i told him i wanted to go home and get help from mom and my family, he said.. no! please! i want to marry you, i want you to have my children... almost like a guilt trip. if i am unhappy here, and this is where it is all stemming from, then why the guilt trip?

ssindi

Like others said, I think you need to concentrate on yourself and your issues. If you are addicted to pot and alcohol you have to stop it completely. If you are serious you have to go to meetings, get a sponsor and go to more meetings. I know it's hard but it is the right thing to do. You are concentrating too much on your boyfriend. You can not be around him when he is smoking weed, please. I think you can recover at home if your boyfriend does not use in front of you. Whatever, don't pick up.

Chy

Hi Fidget,

Good to see you back and still trying!

Your bf doesn't get it, and don't expect him to! That's a hug mistake we sometimes make. "Now that I want to get sober, you should completly understand me"... it just ain't so.

"Now that I've gone through the whole AA thing".. hello? It's only been a short time, he doesn't get that either.. non-program people, never quite get program people. It takes more than a couple of meetings on your part, you need a sponsor, and you need to start working the steps. Don't let him fool you into believeing otherwise. This is a life decison your making. You'll be at it as long as you want to remain clean/sober.

Very simply, one day at a time. Be patient, don't expect miracles over night to happen within your relationship, you've been granted one miracle so far, and that's your desire to quit.. go with that for now.. and please, please, stick to your guns on this, don't let him influence you, and listen to us when we say pot can be addictive. People in denial of their own use, never get it.

So go slow, try to keep some peace with him by allowing him to ask questions you can honestly answer, and he'll come around in supporting and understanding you better.

eddie z.

Fidget,
What's up? How you feeling today? I don't think a few days in the hospital is a bad idea for you. It doesn't even matter why your boyfriend suggested it. Like everybody said, you need to focus on YOU, OK?
Love, Eddie :stups:

ssindi

Fidget we are looking for you, hope your not listening to your boyfriend and caring for yourself. We are here to help. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.

MootPoint

How are you doing today?

And.... as has been pointed out, AA and NA are not things we graduate from, thank God.

Fidget

i am doing ok. i talked to him, and he is set on not stopping as well, but i have been clean for about 2 days straight and i am feeling great! i am peppy... i slept almost 7 hours last night and i busted out at work like there was no tomorrow to do anything! i told my bf that i didnt want to be "babysat" by his parents while he was at his friends house, partaking in 3 ounces of weed and over 1,000 in alcohol, so i told him i was going to stay home, and he freaked, and i told him... "stop! think about me... I am! i am not going, and that is final, and to be honest, i think i need some alone time." then he said... you can do it in moderation, and you will be fine. i said NO! i DONT WANT TO! i want to be better! and my buddy from work, john, asked me if i would go to a meeting with him, and i said sure... he said that he needed some support, and i figured, i dont have to tell him anything, just go, and support him and get started on myself. it is every monday and tuesday night... so i am gonna go and i am woring so hard on being clean. Still cant eat, but i suppose that is normal... i munch on crackers, and juice!

All in all i am doing well....

Thanks all... love you all so much! Thank yous!!!!!!!

eddie z.

Fidget,
So good to hear from you and to hear that things are getting better!! Yes, go to as many meetings as you can and get a sponsor. Am I repeating myself? Oh, well, it's important stuff. Drink plenty of fluids and stay in touch!
Love, Eddie

Chy

Absolutly AWESOME!!! Stay strong, your on the right track mentally as well as physically! *huge hugs*

MootPoint

Right on Fidgit....... yer on the right road