Me again...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 220
Me again...
Well, my weekend went pretty smooth up until Sunday. Now mind you, since Memorial Day was this week, I had a four day weekend. You'd think I would have just as much fun Sunday then as I would Friday or Saturday... But this wasn't the case.
Instead, I got caught up in the things that bring me down, such as my ex-girlfriend, father/mother issues, and whatever else resides in my vault of memories. After I realized I was sinking into the all-too-familiar hole I seemingly get into, I began to take evasive maneuvers and get out and jog for a few. It didn't help. I couldn't stop thinking about how alone I felt, and how most of my friends that I have are either fat, arrogant, stupid or desparate. I've discussed this issue a lot with my therapist, and he basically told me that I need to befriend more people that I feel I relate to more.
I guess I can do this. It's going to be hard at first though, because even though I can find people I "relate" to more, there is still some sifting through to do with that group. I mean, I'm a pretty big introvert by todays standards, and even when I see other people that are into computers, or drawing, or whatever else I'm into; some of those people I still don't like.
Granted, maybe I'm just too picky, but shouldn't you be when looking for friends? I know you should be when looking for a lover... So why not friends? I get so tired of trying to work problems like this out because it interferes with so many aspects of my everyday life. I mean, if I have no friends that I feel are truly friends, then how am I supposed to get by from day to day?
It took me going to a therapist to realize this, but it seems that the only friends I feel comfortable around are people who are at least 50lbs overweight, or are shy (...or introvert, but not shy). Every friend that I have is like this. Isn't that weird? Why do you think this is? I can't seem to understand why this is too... I think it might have something to do with security, but also I think it to be attributed to the fact that overweight people tend to be more sensitive, carring, and intellectual than most other people. Maybe my view isn't correct, but it just seems like this.
In conclusion, this weekend was like all the other weekends I find myself fighting through. Friday and Saturday were good because I felt like everything was okay, like I didn't have anything to worry about. When Sunday and Monday came though, I started thinking about things I didn't need to be thinking about such as suicide, lonelyness, depression, and my constant fear that I'll never find someone to love (as in a wife). I just feel that I'm always misunderstood, but never truly understand a universal medium in which to communicate... Am I making sense here or am I just rambling?
Thanks for any input.
- Semi-depressed man...
Instead, I got caught up in the things that bring me down, such as my ex-girlfriend, father/mother issues, and whatever else resides in my vault of memories. After I realized I was sinking into the all-too-familiar hole I seemingly get into, I began to take evasive maneuvers and get out and jog for a few. It didn't help. I couldn't stop thinking about how alone I felt, and how most of my friends that I have are either fat, arrogant, stupid or desparate. I've discussed this issue a lot with my therapist, and he basically told me that I need to befriend more people that I feel I relate to more.
I guess I can do this. It's going to be hard at first though, because even though I can find people I "relate" to more, there is still some sifting through to do with that group. I mean, I'm a pretty big introvert by todays standards, and even when I see other people that are into computers, or drawing, or whatever else I'm into; some of those people I still don't like.
Granted, maybe I'm just too picky, but shouldn't you be when looking for friends? I know you should be when looking for a lover... So why not friends? I get so tired of trying to work problems like this out because it interferes with so many aspects of my everyday life. I mean, if I have no friends that I feel are truly friends, then how am I supposed to get by from day to day?
It took me going to a therapist to realize this, but it seems that the only friends I feel comfortable around are people who are at least 50lbs overweight, or are shy (...or introvert, but not shy). Every friend that I have is like this. Isn't that weird? Why do you think this is? I can't seem to understand why this is too... I think it might have something to do with security, but also I think it to be attributed to the fact that overweight people tend to be more sensitive, carring, and intellectual than most other people. Maybe my view isn't correct, but it just seems like this.
In conclusion, this weekend was like all the other weekends I find myself fighting through. Friday and Saturday were good because I felt like everything was okay, like I didn't have anything to worry about. When Sunday and Monday came though, I started thinking about things I didn't need to be thinking about such as suicide, lonelyness, depression, and my constant fear that I'll never find someone to love (as in a wife). I just feel that I'm always misunderstood, but never truly understand a universal medium in which to communicate... Am I making sense here or am I just rambling?
Thanks for any input.
- Semi-depressed man...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey Wolf...
My thoughts on guarding my thoughts...
I have come to recognize that I do tend to think along certain tracks... and like I said to my ex husband one time while we were still together....
"why dont we just record our fights and then.. when we get into one... we'll just push play and we can both go and do something else while this same fight rolls out over and over and we always end up at the same outcome..."
yes.. for me... nothing changes if nothing changes...
and in my typical black and white thinking...
I of course think the changes have to be huge to make any kind of an impact... and there is where I shoot myself in the foot... cause lots of times I'm incapable of initiating changes in my life due to my issues...
and a round and round I go....
so now... I'm making little changes...
ones I know I can make...
like just going for coffee with someone that makes me feel intimidated....
or.. joining something... but making sure that I work in the trenches... and not the front lines...
.. and even just sitting and being uncomfortable with myself ... maybe listening to myself for a change... see what I really need and want....
I know that I tend to go for a certain type of individual because the way they act and relate to life is "family-iar" to me... so.. their easier to be around...
anyway... that's my 2 cents Wolf...
hope you have a good day...
My thoughts on guarding my thoughts...
I have come to recognize that I do tend to think along certain tracks... and like I said to my ex husband one time while we were still together....
"why dont we just record our fights and then.. when we get into one... we'll just push play and we can both go and do something else while this same fight rolls out over and over and we always end up at the same outcome..."
yes.. for me... nothing changes if nothing changes...
and in my typical black and white thinking...
I of course think the changes have to be huge to make any kind of an impact... and there is where I shoot myself in the foot... cause lots of times I'm incapable of initiating changes in my life due to my issues...
and a round and round I go....
so now... I'm making little changes...
ones I know I can make...
like just going for coffee with someone that makes me feel intimidated....
or.. joining something... but making sure that I work in the trenches... and not the front lines...
.. and even just sitting and being uncomfortable with myself ... maybe listening to myself for a change... see what I really need and want....
I know that I tend to go for a certain type of individual because the way they act and relate to life is "family-iar" to me... so.. their easier to be around...
anyway... that's my 2 cents Wolf...
hope you have a good day...
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 780
Wolf-
My personal opinion is this. I do not associate with anyone that I feel uncomfortable with. Period. Yes, I do seek out individuals who make me feel good about myself, compliment my personality and I have to be able to laugh with. I am VERY picky.
My Mom used to tell me that when I felt uncomfortable around someone and I had feelings of worthlessness and depression, that I was sinning. It was a sin against God, and myself, to let this continue. "Don't surround yourself with people who will not promote and uplift you, Vivian" My Mom would say. "Being yourself and being accepted as yourself is a wonderful feeling. Not being accepted and letting it continue is a sin."
(Mom is Catholic
)
I, too, feel good around overweight people. I don't know why. I do have many average weight friends, too. My sister used to say that any overweight person is NOT happy. They just portend to be. Sure they would like to lose weight and be average weight just like any of us. Overweight means there's an issue somewhere. (Unless of course the person has a medical issue that causes weight gain.)
I agree, though. Overweight folks seem sensitive, caring and understanding. Seems they have a handle on what crap life is dealing them.
Wolf, I hope that things get better for you. Believe it or not, I understand how you feel as I am struggling with issues myself right now. I want you to know that the above are just opinions and not meant to offend or sway anyone...and you can take or leave what you wish, dear Wolf...
You can PM me if you want. I would be happy to listen. Whenever you want.
Take Care Dude. You will be ok.
Peace,
Wolfstarr
My personal opinion is this. I do not associate with anyone that I feel uncomfortable with. Period. Yes, I do seek out individuals who make me feel good about myself, compliment my personality and I have to be able to laugh with. I am VERY picky.
My Mom used to tell me that when I felt uncomfortable around someone and I had feelings of worthlessness and depression, that I was sinning. It was a sin against God, and myself, to let this continue. "Don't surround yourself with people who will not promote and uplift you, Vivian" My Mom would say. "Being yourself and being accepted as yourself is a wonderful feeling. Not being accepted and letting it continue is a sin."
(Mom is Catholic
)I, too, feel good around overweight people. I don't know why. I do have many average weight friends, too. My sister used to say that any overweight person is NOT happy. They just portend to be. Sure they would like to lose weight and be average weight just like any of us. Overweight means there's an issue somewhere. (Unless of course the person has a medical issue that causes weight gain.)
I agree, though. Overweight folks seem sensitive, caring and understanding. Seems they have a handle on what crap life is dealing them.
Wolf, I hope that things get better for you. Believe it or not, I understand how you feel as I am struggling with issues myself right now. I want you to know that the above are just opinions and not meant to offend or sway anyone...and you can take or leave what you wish, dear Wolf...
You can PM me if you want. I would be happy to listen. Whenever you want.
Take Care Dude. You will be ok.
Peace,
Wolfstarr
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
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Btw, I was going to post this on here last time, but I forgot. It's an online article about introverts... If you don't want to read the whole thing, just scroll down to the bottom where it has three sentences about "caring for your introvert". It's pretty funny, and describes the introvert to a T! HA!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
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Oh darnit... Was surfin through here, and JUST NOW realized that I completely forgot the link! HA! I'll get it up here sometime... Sorry I didn't post back sooner...
How am I doing though? Not good... But it's almost 3 am and I have to get up at 7:15 am, so I'm going to get off of here. I just can't stop thinking about my ex though, and thats the culprit of my insomnia tonight... She makes me sooo angry.
How am I doing though? Not good... But it's almost 3 am and I have to get up at 7:15 am, so I'm going to get off of here. I just can't stop thinking about my ex though, and thats the culprit of my insomnia tonight... She makes me sooo angry.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Charleston S.C.
Posts: 1,461
Hi Wolf, I thought I was the only night owl. The realationship thing can really do a number on us. I think having low self esteem only adds to the problem of rejection. At least for me. Hey just hang in there and try to focus on positive. Don W
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