Makrellen

Hi
Over some time I have been drinking more and more. Now also on weekdays, and early in the day
I binge drink beers, alone
I'm unemployed, and it has been helping me get through the days of isolation, boredom and depression
Yesterday I drank 12 beers in the evening, slept 5 hours and drank 6 beers
Made me feel so good at the time

Today I feel absolutely horrible
A deep clinical depression
Crying bursts. Anxiety. Nausia. Sweaty hands. Feber like condition. Diarreah. No appetite. Suicidal thoughts

Made me promise to myself that I would'nt drink so often, only on weekends
But I'm afraid that I have developed alcoholism.. so maybe I have to avoid it all together? That's harsh to face

Any advice/talk would be good

Dee74

Hi and welcome mackrellen

I think anyone who binge drinks is likely to be depressed afterwards...what about making a commitment to not drinking for 30 days or something...that way you could see if the depression is alcohol related or not?

D

Makrellen

Hi
Thank you

Yes, maybe I have to do that
But I'm afraid to lose my friend alcohol, even though it's also my enemy
Anyway, I realize that alcohol is not good for me, especially with depression. So maybe there is hope, since I can realize that

Dee74

Alcohol really is no friend if it leaves you depressed and plays on your fear so you'll keep it around.

I hope you make a good choice for yourself

D

Makrellen

I feel so much better now again
Phew, what a horror.. Now I'm thankful to be alive
But I have to keep my promise to not drink like that again
I think it completely drains my seretonine/dopamine, dangerously

Lyoness

Hi Makrellen, welcome to SR. You're right that alcohol fuels your depression, it is a depressant after all. Years ago, in my first addiction incarnation, I used alcohol to help with depression, fear, social anxiety never thinking that it could be making me worse.

I think Dee has a great idea in giving yourself some time off to see how that feels. You might also want to post in the Newcomer's Forum and introduce yourself. You'll find lots of support and kindred spirits and more responses as that is a busier section of SR.

zanzibar

Hi Makrellen welcome to SR. For years like many here I tried to control my depression and all the rest of the crap in my life by just drinking more, ironically none of it ever did get any better till I put the bottle away for good.

Take good care, it's nice to have you here.

Makrellen

zanzibar, when did it start getting better?

regeneration

Hello makrellen, I used to drink to self-medicate (I had depression). I couldn't work through it without giving up alcohol and getting medical support (therapists).

Could you go and talk about this with your doctor to see what support is available? There are lots of recovery groups that helped me, but if you need extra help (I did) they should be able to assist.

zanzibar

When I finally decided I'd had enough and put the bottle down the haze started lifting and it soon became apparent to me that the depression and other issues I was trying to treat with the alcohol had their own root source. Not long after I started facing and accepting the things I didn't want to face in a healthier manner things started to take shape, and with the help of therapy before long I began improving at a fairly dramatic rate.
For me I'll probably be dealing with my issues for ever but at least I can enjoy life a lot better without the depression constantly dragging me down, and for me the depression really was my worst enemy. I understand your distaste towards medication but they help me dramatically, I know there are a lot of advancements in the area of more natural treatments, but for me I trust my T and follow her recommendations to the letter.

But I really do think that stopping the drink is what gave me the biggest push forward in controlling the depression. As for time wise, we're all different and we all have our own root causes of the depression so the time it takes is not calculateable between people, and is not important. What is important is working with a clear head to find the source and deal with it, instead of shoving it into a room and using alcohol and or drugs to keep the door closed.


Take good care Makrellen.

Anandamide

Hello Makrellen,

I wasted 15 months of my life being unemployed, drinking almost everyday from the early afternoon, sometimes right through into the next afternoon. It made me terribly depressed, and the depression just got worse and worse the more I drank, escalating into suicidal thoughts, and a serious suicide attempt. The result of alcoholism left me with practically nothing: No job; no education; no strong network of friends; no joy in any activities I used to enjoy; no self-respect; and extreme clinical depression.

I've been sober since since June 27th, and believe me, life is better without alcohol. I was scared at first to quit alcohol, I actually believed I needed it to enjoy life - it's one hell of an illusion it can pull on you. The first step for me was being honest with myself, and establishing a support network. I told my family, which wasn't easy at first, but without a doubt was the right thing to do. Support is very important, online and face-to-face.

If you don't nip alcoholism in the bud now, it has the potential to ruin your entire life. Not to sound crass, but that is the wake up call I needed to hear, which was hard at first. There is support out there, but ultimately it has to come from YOU. And believe me, you can definitely do it. Taking up a hobby or something you enjoy doing will help too, keep yourself as busy as you can each day. You will begin to feel much better about yourself and the world as soon as you stop drinking and tackle life one step at a time.

Take good care