something wrong with me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 48
something wrong with me
I don't know what to do.
I feel like I have been weird and depressed my whole life.
Like no one really accepts me at all and never will.
I now have no friends. I spend all my free time alone.
I dunno. Other people are married and have lives.
I have no life and never have. I mean this is my life. Being me and alone and sad. What the hell.
I feel like I have been weird and depressed my whole life.
Like no one really accepts me at all and never will.
I now have no friends. I spend all my free time alone.
I dunno. Other people are married and have lives.
I have no life and never have. I mean this is my life. Being me and alone and sad. What the hell.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Hi lsb,
Man, I can relate to what you're feeling.
What I've found is that a lot of this 'other' and 'outsider' perception is just that: a perception. It may be a deeply held belief, seemingly verified again and again over the years.
I was weird, different, like an outsider pretty much my entire life. I had no real friends for most of it and only have a wife because she saw something in me and pursued the relationship. I didn't know how to reach out to others; indeed, I was pretty ambivalent about 'human relationships'.
I share all this to make a point: despite my history, and despite even what seemed to me like facts, I'm not beyond human relationships. Some of us aren't thick-skinned, extroverted people-lovers that many cultures hold up as the ideal (in some cultures, sensitive introverts are actually seen as healthier and more intelligent!).
What has helped me are therapies and practices that focus on challenging my beliefs/thoughts and self-acceptance (CBT, EBT, DBT, meditation) and joining SOMETHING, some group, where acceptance is almost guaranteed (12 step, a church, etc.). There are others in these groups that are more introverted and solitary, but who find their niche, nonetheless. Therapy with someone who mirrors acceptance and non-reactivity to thoughts and emotions that may seem weird when inside our heads is a real benefit, too, I've found.
You aren't weird beyond companionship and friendship. Believe me, if we collected all the folks who felt isolated and weird and depressed, we'd have to form a whole new country (and it'd be about the size of Australia, I bet...maybe even the U.S.).
Posting here is really helpful for me, but I do think (as you possibly allude to in your post) that FTF interaction is not only helpful, but eventually necessary, as well.
HTH.
Man, I can relate to what you're feeling.
What I've found is that a lot of this 'other' and 'outsider' perception is just that: a perception. It may be a deeply held belief, seemingly verified again and again over the years.
I was weird, different, like an outsider pretty much my entire life. I had no real friends for most of it and only have a wife because she saw something in me and pursued the relationship. I didn't know how to reach out to others; indeed, I was pretty ambivalent about 'human relationships'.
I share all this to make a point: despite my history, and despite even what seemed to me like facts, I'm not beyond human relationships. Some of us aren't thick-skinned, extroverted people-lovers that many cultures hold up as the ideal (in some cultures, sensitive introverts are actually seen as healthier and more intelligent!).
What has helped me are therapies and practices that focus on challenging my beliefs/thoughts and self-acceptance (CBT, EBT, DBT, meditation) and joining SOMETHING, some group, where acceptance is almost guaranteed (12 step, a church, etc.). There are others in these groups that are more introverted and solitary, but who find their niche, nonetheless. Therapy with someone who mirrors acceptance and non-reactivity to thoughts and emotions that may seem weird when inside our heads is a real benefit, too, I've found.
You aren't weird beyond companionship and friendship. Believe me, if we collected all the folks who felt isolated and weird and depressed, we'd have to form a whole new country (and it'd be about the size of Australia, I bet...maybe even the U.S.).
Posting here is really helpful for me, but I do think (as you possibly allude to in your post) that FTF interaction is not only helpful, but eventually necessary, as well.
HTH.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
Just curious, what are your goals, ambitions, dream? I'm basically in the same boat. I sort of agree about it being all a matter of perception. Then again, you can only take theories of solitude so far before you run up against the reality. You are the social creature you are.
There's also no reason to keep beseaching a tight fisted world by trying to figure out what you're doing wrong. In a way, that just sort of feeds it.
Work. Do what you want to do. Take small steps. Selfishly guard your sobriety and see what can be done. Stream netflix. Don't try to be perfect, to conform perfectly. Accept it when others dislike you because sooner or later you might find that that strong reaction will swing the other way. And when/if you're doing the best you can and it's still not working, turn matters over to life. I think this is what integrity must intale. To be yourself sober and see where it leads. And if it leads to more solitude for the time being, so be it. Proceed unbowed.
There's also no reason to keep beseaching a tight fisted world by trying to figure out what you're doing wrong. In a way, that just sort of feeds it.
Work. Do what you want to do. Take small steps. Selfishly guard your sobriety and see what can be done. Stream netflix. Don't try to be perfect, to conform perfectly. Accept it when others dislike you because sooner or later you might find that that strong reaction will swing the other way. And when/if you're doing the best you can and it's still not working, turn matters over to life. I think this is what integrity must intale. To be yourself sober and see where it leads. And if it leads to more solitude for the time being, so be it. Proceed unbowed.
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