TypicalDrunk

Hey all,

I am defeated. I am so depressed, anxious, and lonely that it is a struggle to eat or even be awake for that matter. I got sober on December 19th of 2012. At meetings you hear about how much better peoples lives have gotten in sobriety and I am going to have to call bull ****. I mean it's not like I am impatient. I have waited six months for just a small fraction of happiness only to be let down. I mean, I have had a couple of days where I feel like things are going to be Ok and I have held those days close to my heart in order to project some hope into my increasingly disappointing view on life. My anxiety levels are through the roof. Walking on my college campus is so nerve racking that I sweat profusely while in the process of getting to class. This increased anxiety and depression has completely depleted my ability to eat or maintain a healthy weight. I am 6'4" 165 pounds. I mean drinking was miserable enough for me to quit but I am slowly starting to realize that the alternative isn't much different. The grass is not always greener on the other side in my case. I am too young to be feeling so out of touch with positive emotions. I know that nobody on here is going to be able to help but I have nobody else to talk to. Thanks for allowing me to express my feelings.

Dee74

Hey TD

It took me a long time to feel happy - longer than 6 months.

I'd drank and drugged for a long time...it took a while for my mind and body to recover from that.

Also...I had no idea how to have fun sober, how to interact with people sober, how to pass the time sober...or how to be happy sober.

I needed to learn all that and that took time.

I found I was still waiting for happiness to descend upon me, like it used to when I opened a bottle, but life doesn't work like that.

I also had several underlying things I used to self medicate with alcohol like anxiety and depression - I needed to work on those too.

I needed help and support to start to work to be happy - for me that was SR and a little counselling.

Have you got any counselling on campus you can access? any Drs to help with your anxiety?

Even something like AA might help, for the support aspect?

D

TypicalDrunk

Yea, my campus offers counseling and when I was about 3 months sober I scheduled to meet with someone. Unfortunately, the people you meet with are just grad students and the guy I talked to basically said two words the whole session and expected me to schedule a follow up appointment. I didn't. I go to AA meetings sometimes. Every blue moon there is a decent speaker, other than that I don't feel like it helps

Dee74

Oh ok - here campuses have qualified counsellors and Drs. When students are 'on prac' they're always partnered with a qualified supervisor.

Is there any other way to get counselling on a budget TD?
I'm not American so I have no local knowledge.

D

TypicalDrunk

Yea at my school the students 'on prac' are partnered with a qualified supervisor only the supervisor is not who people speak with. The student records the session and submits it to the supervising doctor which is insufficient in my opinion. But to answer your question, I have no clue. I only get health insurance through my school and I can only use that insurance at the place I already tried. I guess I will have to try and figure something out

Bubovski

I left AA twenty years ago to become a 'moderate drinker' I got a little happier (not much) and busted badly Jan this year.
Now back at AA and moving well. Patience is a virtue, strong drink is raging....

TypicalDrunk

@Murchovski

I don't plan on drinking again. I just want to feel normal

raku

I hear what you say...that available support systems are not doing the job for you....
just a thought...maybe you need to DO the job...of collecting all the thoughts, feelings, and knowingness that you are aware of, acknowledge them, give credence to them, feel them,
and then let them go, for a passage of time to absorb all. It does take time.

It all starts with you, you have the answers, and it ends with you !
for what it is worth,

raku

Bubovski

Have you looked on areas other than alcoholism that might be making you miserable?

phoenix2013

I think my struggle is also depression. I had bounced back n forth from blaming he alcohol and tryi g to figure out if its depression. At the moment. I feel like its depression. I recently stopped drinking because I do know it exaggerated my depression. I am in counseling and this has been getting me through. But, as I type this. I am lying in bed depressed. Been like this for a week. I did drink last weekend. So I wonder if its the symptoms of the alcohol. I had 2 drinks. Relapsed. Maybe I'm depressed from the effects of alcohol on my system. I'm still not sure. I have t really found a way to overcome the depression. I fill my time with activities and positive people etc. but then I get down and I for some reason decided to get a couple drinks. I wonder if its the disease of alcoholism that causes me to relapse or if its my depression. I've stopped all medications because I ultimately strive Fri complete sobriety from all substances I clouding taking a pill for anxiety and depression. So I hear ya on the depression thing. Still trying to find that place of complete peace. I wonder web it will be. The longest I went without drinking is 6 months. I wonder myself how to completely tackle this thorn in my side. So I'm right here with you when it comes to the anxiety and depression and sobriety thing. Kudos to you for keeping your sobriety through it all. The feelings of guilt and relapsing kill ya. So keep doing what your doing and searching. I think it's a forever battle we face. But our disease doesn't define us. Keep it simple. That's what I try to remind myself of. Also looking at the positive. N staying away from negative energy. It does help. But I think we have to embrace the reality that we have a daily struggle and unfortunately it's so much harder for us to keep ourselves sane and maintained. Seek counsel. Eventually you will find that peace. That's my hope anyway. Blessings to you!

raku

Phoenix.....

You talk of issues of alcoholism and depression...issues we need to address.....for a long time, kinda' like "a given". I agree that seeking counsel from an outside source is helpful, if only for a different perspective. "It", the joyful happiness, comes from within, always there. It is only accessible from knowing one's inner spirit and strength....
It does involve avoiding negative energy, and practice of that is a learned skill.
Hoping this is of some value to you...


raku
'

TypicalDrunk

Phoenix,

I completely understand where you are coming from. A wise man once told me "if you are skeptical about alcohol being the cause of your depression, you are probably an alcoholic." So in my opinion, just continue to remain abstinent and happiness will come. I am still hopeful, although I have been feeling really down lately, hence my previous posts emphasis on depression and anxiety. Today, I am feeling rather indifferent. I am not particularly sad, nor am I happy. I am just here trying to keep faith in my higher power. I guess you can say I am waiting for that silver lining. I genuinely hope that things get better for you and if you need to talk, I am here.

Best,
Typical Drunk

LazyBonez

typicaldrunk, what all are you doing to try and feel better? You have more time sober than me. I only have a month. But, I'm beginning to realize that I'm not going to feel much better if I don't get off my ass and do something about it. Even if I don't want to. I need to find things to do, stay active, exercise etc. Plus, depending on how long you were drinking and how much, it just takes time.... I'm in the same boat though. Sober... and now trying to feel better and move forward. I just feel really bad anxiety from anything, even leaving the house... and slightly depressed all the time as well. That sucks that your insurance only lets you go to one place. Good luck I hope things start looking up.

Tamerua

I quit drinking 3 days before you and I am really happy... i only point that out to counter your BS call. Can you talk to a doctor? Not just a counselor but a medical doctor? I hope you feel better.

TypicalDrunk

I understand completely. When I was in my first month of sobriety I was on the verge of having a panic attack just by walking to class. I still get really anxious when I have to go out in public, I just force myself to do it. Anxiety is something that a bunch of alcoholics and addicts have. We just never realize that it is a problem because we were always so numb. You are right, you have to force yourself to get out of the house and do things that are productive. What makes me feel decent on most days is a sense of accomplishment. If I feel like I have had a productive day, I usually rest easy. You also need to understand that you are very fragile right now because with 1 month of sobriety, in many ways you are still not completely sober. You are still going through the detoxification stages, as am I. If you can, you need to go to meetings. Anything to avoid takings that first drink and saying **** everything. Just remember that it is easier to be a drunk or an addict than it is to stay sober. I am just weird like that tho. It is an ego thing. I would feel weak if I were to drink again and I know that I am not weak. DON'T isolate. Regardless of how bad your anxiety is and how uncomfortable you feel around people, DO NOT isolate. That is why meetings come in handy, you can be weird and anxious around people in AA and they all know why so they don't judge you.

phoenix2013

Thanks Raku and others. Guess I was in a depressed state. I have been going to meetings in Tuesday eves. I missed this week n last. I agree a meeting helps for sure. I find even when I am isolating n depressed state I can get to a meeting it uplifts me. Not sure why that is. Guess the camaraderie of knowing there's others going through the same thing as me. I'm the newcomer that slips in the back. I don't know anyone and I'm not social. I did get my one month chip. But didn't quite get my 2 month. Well. I gotta head to bed. Thanks for the replays guys. Glad to be a part of this group.

raku

Phoenix..
It's been a few hours since I last posted....I am social, yet an artist who needs alot of private time. I appreciate this forum, with it's caringness, as well. I have "chips", from AA too. It does not always have the answer, but, added to a self digression, and acknowlegement of my own self worth, and a bit of help from an objective, like a counseler, it can be helpful...that is only my opinion...not to negate AA, but to move beyond that dogma. I wish you well...Love & Light,
raku

phoenix2013

3:30am and anxiety in full force. Woo hoo. Just reread this thread. I am feeling much happier and all. Although a relapsed again in okay. I'm feeling better overall. Thought about going to an AA meeting. But, haven't made it yet. I suppose the thought is good too. Only had one drink this week to relieve so e anxiety the other night. But at least it was just one and then I fell asleep. So for today. I'm sober again. Just hanging out in here is pretty cool reading the stuff. Glad to be a part of this group. Peace.