2961

Hi everyone, i am new here and just wanted to put some stuff out here in hopes of some direction from you all.

I am 23 years sober. I have been struggling with depression my entire life, i was abused as a child. I have been in therapy off and on for 15 years. Tried different medications and have just started a new one because I can't find one that works.

I went inpatient when I was 10 years sober spending 30 days in a trauma unit because I was suicidal and then at 16 years sober had ECT because of the depression/suicidal thoughts and since then my lows aren't as low and I have not been suicidal since.....but still depressed.

For the past 6 months I have been sleeping as much as possible, when i get home from work I take a nap and then I sleep all weekend. My psychiatrist asked me if I am sleeping to escape my life and honestly my life is good. I go to meetings, sponsor people, I have a job I like, and my boyfriend is awesome. I don't know what I would be escaping.

I still struggle with self worth and have to constantly remind myself I deserve good things. Seems elementary for someone with 23 years sober but the abuse I suffered really affected me.

So now i just feel stuck. Any advice is welcome. Thank you.

Jody675

i was abused as a child and spent the next 20years wondering why i was like i was and doing what i was doing. i didn't put 2 and 2 together til i was in my 30s and start to deal with my low self worth and anger issues.

i got very depressed during this time and was put onto zoloft. that evened me out and i went into therapy and started to heal. i then read a great book called passionate marriage that reminded me i had choices in life and that gave me permission to then realise that i didn't have to be this person. i could be and do whatever i wanted. thats when the real healing started.

8 years ago my mum died and i went into depression again. i was alone, single for the first time since i was 18 (i was 34 at the time) and everything was too overwhelming for me. but with the help of some good friends who just were there when i needed them most, i pulled myself out and ever since i have just been making mistakes and learning from them. each time i get my heart broken , or mess something up, i forgive myself. each time that things feel like they are getting on top of me, i reach out to a friend. sometimes they are there sometimes they are not. i have been becoming resilient and knowing that i can deal with it on my own too.

you sound like you have everything going for you. keep up the great work. maybe the reason you are sleeping is not necessarily depression (though you will know the answer to that). get yourself checked out for hormone levels, try changing your diet, trying something new you have always wanted to do, read a great book that will inspire you, or treat yourself to something just for you. love your mind and body and it will love you back.

keep smiling for it will be all good.

NYCDoglvr

I have 20.5 years and have been dealing with depression my whole life but I'm on the right meds now. I work hard at sobriety, sponsor people, do the steps. But I was also abused as a child and the self esteem issue is still a big one. I've read that 90% of people who suffered this as a child abuse alcohol and/or drugs. We self-medicated. What helped more than anything was cognitive therapy (vs. conventional talk therapy). I strongly recommend it -- it's also considered the best therapy for recovering addicts.

2961

Thank you so much for your responses. :ghug3