sleepie

Living with depression is just really, really hard. My therapist is gone for two weeks. I'm sad and alone. I haven't left the apartment in a few days and I sleep most of the day after cleaning up a little. I'm just tired. I want to hide from the world.

Zencat

I'm sorry your having a hard time. I know depression is hard to live with. Maybe you could just get out of the apartment even if its just for a little wile. I know its hard to do but it can help.

sleepie

I walked to the market earlier and made some treats for my room mate. Thanks Zencat, at least someone is listening, I still feel lonely but tomorrow maybe I'll feel better.

Zencat

Getting moving is really hard to do with depression. I'm glad you were able to get out and about for a bit . Most times its good to try to do small things. Like maybe pick up a bit around the room or organize a bit. It doesn't have a big job cause I know how overwhelming that can be. Just do little things if you can. I will feel good to have at least done something, no matter how small it is.

Fandy

hey there...I'm no stranger to Depression..i know how that feeling of helplessness can wash over you and kind of take over.

you need to get out amongst people, even if it is just for a short time...walking to the market is a great start, taking some fresh air and new surroundings.

GRACIE01

I say, You are not alone. Go buy yourself some flowers. ;-)

sleepie

Thanks all. I'm broke for now, but maybe I can get flowers later. I feel the same today. And I know I'll be up all night because I slept so much today. I get like this every summer- really upset and sad and down. I hate the weather- but lately it's been quite tolerable. We had a stretch of awfully hot days and I was shut in, and really down but I'm on a couple of meds so I don't know why I feel this way.

Live

I was going to reply to you last night but I didn't...and it doesn't have anything to do with you or your posts.
I was tired and I really have to work at keeping to a healthy sleep schedule. In addition to that I got my nails done really long and while it is a fun thing for me, it makes typing a chore sometimes when I am used to whizzing over the keyboard.

I mention this because you seem to be taking it personally.

I am also glad I didn't because today I was able to read some of your other posts and that changes what I have to say.

I understand the depression. LOL, when I am feeling that badly ..getting out of bed to go to the bathroom is exercise. I do not want to see anyone. I do not want to expose myself to the public. there is no point in brushing my teeth or combing my hair. there seems to be no point to anything at all!

Last night I would have said that if you have been on your meds 6-8 weeks without real improvement....then it is time to get help with different ones. There is help! I began to seriously doubt it after so many med changes and recurrent depressions. I tended to "settle for" slight and temporary improvements.
I am so thrilled now that I am finally on a combo that really works!

However, I see that you have 3 days without alcohol. The greatest meds on earth do not and can not work when combined with regular alcohol use.
I am sure you know this but alcohol is a depressant.
3 days isn't enough to stabilize at all.

I hope you give yourself a chance.

sleepie

I hope some sober time will help. But I have always felt this way- well not to this extreme but my tactic for facing the world was to be more aggressive to ward off anyone or anything that might hurt me. And to hide some things that nobody would have cared to know anyway. I have always felt very isolated.

Live

what is your mental health diagnosis, if I may ask?

sleepie

Just depression, anxiety. OCD. Way back Post Traumatic Stress was mentioned. I have Tourette's. OCD, anxiety, ADD- a number of things can be in the mix with Tourette's. I have suffered from trichotillomania. I am just a mess.

Live

I have bipolar I, mixed severe. PTSD.
I feel alot of anxiety very easily.
Depression was my life for a long, long time. The relief from it is very new.

I have quite a number of special needs. Sometimes I get pizzed that I have to be so daggone vigilant about so many things others take for granted or need pay no attention to.

My main goal now is to keep a regular healthy sleep schedule.
With changed curtains in the bedroom....from blacked out windows to light curtains and shades that let the sun in in the morning I get to wake naturally and at a normal time.
It is way too easy for me to stay up late but I have been putting myself to bed like a child LOL
I still tire easily but I am also still in recovery from a bad bipolar episode that required hospitalization.
Napping gets very tempting...but having just regained the ability to sleep normally in, like, forever.....screwing that up is too costly to me...so I come here to SR.
Really the hardest thing is to catch myself from staying up too late.
I liked staying up and being in the dark and quiet and alone and isolated.
Not healthy tho, not at all.

sleepie

I like the night too. I have to try to force myself to regulate my schedule- but in the summer I just loathe the daylight hours. Summer is almost over though, so things should be a little easier in that respect soon. Sorry to hear of your hospitalization. It's awful, I have been there- state funded, a total "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" kind of experience.

Live

ha, I phoned the advocates at NIMH....they take that seriously, it is about their funds to them. I have been in very good private hospitals. I figured if I became a pain in the arse with the advocacy people they would let me out. Not saying I didn't need emergencey help..I did. But after I got stable, I wanted out now! Doesn't everybody???

I avoid the outdoors and sunlight when I am badly depressed.
But..it makes it worse.
Iam going to my counselor weekly and a class at the local menrtal health center weekly.
I WAS coming home from the counselor and resuming my dark isolation.
Most of this month I have been really mindful fo getting dressed and getting out.
I was resistant to doing that...but once I am out I know it helps.
It stimulates brain chemicals. Vitamin d helps with this also.
Even If I just go to the cafe and get a drink and hang there and read and chat with the waitress a bit......that is very, very good for me.
It's just getting dressedc and out the door that is hard.
I figure if I keep it up....it will become a healthy habit.

I could so go lay down for a nap right now! Very, very tempting.
I am telling myself to simply stay out of the bedroom.

sleepie

I understand. I go days with out leaving my place, and it's a task to get showered and dressed. I need to make myself do these things. I am often afraid of being laughed at or criticized but that's just because I was brutally humiliated all the time growing up. It's hard to change your perception of yourself when you have been the subject of ridicule for years. So it's a real hurdle. I drink to escape that. I know it's not the answer though.

Zencat

Although I didn't experience the same type of trauma as you growing up, I did feel humiliated and shameful with my childhood trauma. That experience makes going out of my apartment difficult. I feel extremely vulnerable and exposed when I out and about trying to do things that I either need too or enjoy.

So I do like Live dose.
It dose make getting out easier knowing that I can get out even tho I'm feeling afraid. Its good to feel some accomplishment when I work through my fears.