Thought I was a goner
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
Thought I was a goner
I decided to tapper off my current medicine. I want to be pharma free. I hadn't experienced any serious panic attacks in such a long time (Years). However, the first night I tried to taper the SSRI down, it felt like I had the flu. Took the SSRI and slept. The doctor says I'm more sensitive than most. Since my wife and I are planning to have a baby, I figured I would go as slow as needed to maintain adequate daily work abilities etc.
So I stayed on my regular schedule for the remainder of the month...and in that time frame, I was in an ambulance and off to the hospital.
Now, I'm normally a 'stand and fight' kind of person when it's come to these anxiety attacks. I tell myself "I'm 31, I can't be having a heart attack or stroke." I tell myself "I went in for tests on 'this' and 'that' and they found nothing out of the ordinary. All this, but it was in the middle of work (I was teaching English to 2 ladies) and this was the first time EVER that I had to actually leave. I said "I'm feeling a bit ill, I think I've gotta leave." They asked if I needed a ride but I said no. That was a mistake. I started walking to the train station and realized that 'I'm out in the middle of no where." I walked passed a mother and child and considered asking for help, but passed by her. My feet felt like they were dragging and not keeping up with what my brain was telling them to do which was WALK. I called to a man ahead of me who asked me "What's wrong." He rang the door bell to the house we were in front of and they called the ambulance. Very nice people. The old lady said "Son, don't try to be brave with your condition, let them know exactly how you feel. It will speed up the process in getting you to the hospital."
I was sure this was a brain problem. I said the Lords Prayer out loud, it was the only thing I could do or say. The paramedics were asking for information and I couldn't think clearly.
I arrived at the hospital, the doctor in charge of ER care for the day was the one who ordered a ton of tests to rule out anything but said that from my vitals and the symptoms I'm describing, there's probably something going on in the muscles of your neck.
After all was said and done, tests finished, he said "You're fine. Your neck shows that one of the bones is putting some pressure on a nerve which is probably what started the rollercoaster ride you went through." He said I didn't need medicine, just to take a hot shower before bed, do some stretches before bed etc.
Thing is, I recently did a number on something in my back neck at the gym where I've been getting radiating pain in the left forearm, hand etc...I just didn't connect the dots.
After that I continued on the rest of my day in anger. I finished work, bought a bottle of whiskey, and decided to be stupid and drink. I don't drink, it's become even less of a social thing for me to do. I can say that drinking has prevented panic attacks in the past and I know why some have perhaps used it as a means to keep them at bay. I don't plan on going down that road...
I just needed to get that out there. I sugar coated the whole event for my wife so she doesn't have to worry...I do enough for the both of us.
So I stayed on my regular schedule for the remainder of the month...and in that time frame, I was in an ambulance and off to the hospital.
Now, I'm normally a 'stand and fight' kind of person when it's come to these anxiety attacks. I tell myself "I'm 31, I can't be having a heart attack or stroke." I tell myself "I went in for tests on 'this' and 'that' and they found nothing out of the ordinary. All this, but it was in the middle of work (I was teaching English to 2 ladies) and this was the first time EVER that I had to actually leave. I said "I'm feeling a bit ill, I think I've gotta leave." They asked if I needed a ride but I said no. That was a mistake. I started walking to the train station and realized that 'I'm out in the middle of no where." I walked passed a mother and child and considered asking for help, but passed by her. My feet felt like they were dragging and not keeping up with what my brain was telling them to do which was WALK. I called to a man ahead of me who asked me "What's wrong." He rang the door bell to the house we were in front of and they called the ambulance. Very nice people. The old lady said "Son, don't try to be brave with your condition, let them know exactly how you feel. It will speed up the process in getting you to the hospital."
I was sure this was a brain problem. I said the Lords Prayer out loud, it was the only thing I could do or say. The paramedics were asking for information and I couldn't think clearly.
I arrived at the hospital, the doctor in charge of ER care for the day was the one who ordered a ton of tests to rule out anything but said that from my vitals and the symptoms I'm describing, there's probably something going on in the muscles of your neck.
After all was said and done, tests finished, he said "You're fine. Your neck shows that one of the bones is putting some pressure on a nerve which is probably what started the rollercoaster ride you went through." He said I didn't need medicine, just to take a hot shower before bed, do some stretches before bed etc.
Thing is, I recently did a number on something in my back neck at the gym where I've been getting radiating pain in the left forearm, hand etc...I just didn't connect the dots.
After that I continued on the rest of my day in anger. I finished work, bought a bottle of whiskey, and decided to be stupid and drink. I don't drink, it's become even less of a social thing for me to do. I can say that drinking has prevented panic attacks in the past and I know why some have perhaps used it as a means to keep them at bay. I don't plan on going down that road...
I just needed to get that out there. I sugar coated the whole event for my wife so she doesn't have to worry...I do enough for the both of us.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Whew! Glad you're okay now, but I think I'd get that neck thing checked out by a specialist. It might be nothing, but I'd feel better knowing that for sure. I'd also stay away from the gym for a time, until everything gets sorted out. (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 61
ok, I totally do not understand why you went off your meds.;-) Did your doctor want you too? I take meds and I would never go off of them. My life was really hard without them. Now which is a few years later I am still on them. I feel pretty good and who knows maybe I would be fine without the meds but I am not about to try it ;-)
I hope you go back on them.
I totally understand the drinking part. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
I agree with what you said to your wife. Sometimes total honesty is not the best with certain situations.
But every one should be honest with someone. So I am glad you are being honest here.
And everyone should always be honest with themselves.
Good luck and keep writing
I hope you go back on them.
I totally understand the drinking part. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
I agree with what you said to your wife. Sometimes total honesty is not the best with certain situations.
But every one should be honest with someone. So I am glad you are being honest here.
And everyone should always be honest with themselves.
Good luck and keep writing
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
