Anyone live well with depression w/out meds?
New Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: in my computer chair
Posts: 54
Hi...I just read this thread and I thought I'd put in my two cents.
I have never been diagnosed with depression, and have never been on any prescribed medication for it. But I do struggle with depression, to the point of being suicidal. It is the worst if I am stressed out about a family situation (which is fairly often).
Somehow, some way, I've managed to pull along this far without any medications or doing any lasting harm to myself. I've had a couple of suicide attempts, and a few times (fairly recently) when I've seriously thought about it. Sometimes the depression is very strong, to the point where I don't want to get up in the mornings or shower or go out and do my daily routine...I've been withdrawn, even with my best friend (who is as close to my heart as my own children)...and I don't even know why...?
Why don't I take meds? Several reasons...insurance problems, for one. That, and my family is not supportive of it...."What do you have to be depressed about???" My personality...I can't deal with that kind of negative remark towards me, and knowing that they think that. So, I try to deal without them....
In the past I've taken St. John's Wort as an herbal remedy. I can't say as it really helped, probably because I didn't take it regularly enough. I pray, and I listen to music, and I try to relax, and force myself to talk to my best friend about it, and try to do things for others....
Have I been successful? I don't know. I'm still here....but, I still deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. I still have to deal with the stress here....I internalize it, and thus become depressed. Do I live well without meds? Again, I don't know because I have nothing to base it on. I do know that there are some people who, because of their chemical makeup, MUST have meds to be able to make it. I used to think that was horrible. Now, I realize it is not.
If meds help you, and you feel worse without them, then by all means talk with your doctor and don't feel bad about taking something......
I have never been diagnosed with depression, and have never been on any prescribed medication for it. But I do struggle with depression, to the point of being suicidal. It is the worst if I am stressed out about a family situation (which is fairly often).
Somehow, some way, I've managed to pull along this far without any medications or doing any lasting harm to myself. I've had a couple of suicide attempts, and a few times (fairly recently) when I've seriously thought about it. Sometimes the depression is very strong, to the point where I don't want to get up in the mornings or shower or go out and do my daily routine...I've been withdrawn, even with my best friend (who is as close to my heart as my own children)...and I don't even know why...?
Why don't I take meds? Several reasons...insurance problems, for one. That, and my family is not supportive of it...."What do you have to be depressed about???" My personality...I can't deal with that kind of negative remark towards me, and knowing that they think that. So, I try to deal without them....
In the past I've taken St. John's Wort as an herbal remedy. I can't say as it really helped, probably because I didn't take it regularly enough. I pray, and I listen to music, and I try to relax, and force myself to talk to my best friend about it, and try to do things for others....
Have I been successful? I don't know. I'm still here....but, I still deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. I still have to deal with the stress here....I internalize it, and thus become depressed. Do I live well without meds? Again, I don't know because I have nothing to base it on. I do know that there are some people who, because of their chemical makeup, MUST have meds to be able to make it. I used to think that was horrible. Now, I realize it is not.
If meds help you, and you feel worse without them, then by all means talk with your doctor and don't feel bad about taking something......
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saint Paul MN
Posts: 7
Bi-Polar without meds
I have been looking for a bi-polar forum and all the time it was here at soberrecovery. Around six months ago, maybe longer, I began to go off my meds. The side effects were awful, they weren't working and to make things worse we got a new insurance which didn't cover my psychiatrist. My symtoms were terrible: I was have auditory and visual hallucinations. I could hear music whenever any motor or fan was running and I saw pretty shapes moving in time to the music. The psychiatrist said the meds could only make the hallucinations be less loud, but that I would have to learn to live with them.
I began to really pray about this because my life was a nightmare. Along with it the topomax was causing me to lose my vision and my mind was numb. I couldn't function at all. Most of the meds including topomax that had been tried caused me to sleep my life away. Now the regular bi-polar symptome, who knew, I wasn't living anyway. So finally I decided to gradually come off all my meds and see what happened. I had my husband promise to get me help if I needed, to watch me to be sure I didn't do anything insane or dangerous.
What happened is the hallucinations got less and less. When I get over tired they try to come back and I reject them in the name of Jesus. They leave. I refuse to let fear take hold of me and ignore them and never even notice when they leave. I have peace. I will not tell another person what to do. I am still willing to try meds if there is a reason. But for me, it is so wonderful to have a clear, quiet mind, no depression, no mania, just normal emotions and reasoning ability. I really believe that I have received a miracle. I did have people praying for me. When I was told there was no help from the psychiatrist I had to decide whether to resign myself to a life of mental torture or ask God to fix what was wrong with me.
I also have changed my diet. No caffeine, no sugars of any kind or substitutes. I found that they could affect both the body and the mind. I haven't lost any weight because I still need to cut way down on fats, but my mind and emotions are so stable for the first time that I can remember.
My prayer is that the peace of God fills your hearts and minds.
Glenda
:fpink
I began to really pray about this because my life was a nightmare. Along with it the topomax was causing me to lose my vision and my mind was numb. I couldn't function at all. Most of the meds including topomax that had been tried caused me to sleep my life away. Now the regular bi-polar symptome, who knew, I wasn't living anyway. So finally I decided to gradually come off all my meds and see what happened. I had my husband promise to get me help if I needed, to watch me to be sure I didn't do anything insane or dangerous.
What happened is the hallucinations got less and less. When I get over tired they try to come back and I reject them in the name of Jesus. They leave. I refuse to let fear take hold of me and ignore them and never even notice when they leave. I have peace. I will not tell another person what to do. I am still willing to try meds if there is a reason. But for me, it is so wonderful to have a clear, quiet mind, no depression, no mania, just normal emotions and reasoning ability. I really believe that I have received a miracle. I did have people praying for me. When I was told there was no help from the psychiatrist I had to decide whether to resign myself to a life of mental torture or ask God to fix what was wrong with me.
I also have changed my diet. No caffeine, no sugars of any kind or substitutes. I found that they could affect both the body and the mind. I haven't lost any weight because I still need to cut way down on fats, but my mind and emotions are so stable for the first time that I can remember.
My prayer is that the peace of God fills your hearts and minds.
Glenda
:fpink
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: England
Posts: 17
Ive been on anti-depressanets since i was about 13/14 (im 19 now) so basically i have lived my whole life on bloody meds... its so bad when you think about it.... i was happy until my little sister was born (when i was coming up 10) but since then (my mum got post natal depression after) i have been anxious/depressed etc... never been off meds since being first being put on them...
i love my sister with all my heart but.. i cant remember when i was properly happy... i dont remember hardly any off my childhood.
im rambling now...
take care gorgeous!
TR
i love my sister with all my heart but.. i cant remember when i was properly happy... i dont remember hardly any off my childhood.
im rambling now...
take care gorgeous!
TR
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northen Europe and France
Posts: 1,657
Innamorata,
You still deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. I´m sorry to hear that and I feel for you. I´ve been there, many times.
It´s true that family situations can bring out the worst in us and stress increases depression. I don´t know about the insurance matters you have in the States, I´m in Paris, but I strongly urge you to try to go on medication. Why should you have less than a life? Why does it matter if your family does not think you have anything to be depressed about? You alone live within yourself and you are the judge of your own condition. Maybe an American member can find you a way to get less expensive meds. I hope so, but of course, you must want it for yourself. Remember, suicidal feelings are a warning sign that something is very wrong.
Being depressed the way you describe is a disease and it can be hell to deal with. It´s like having diabetes and not taking insuline. I stopped my meds myself on several occasions. It was good for a while and I felt my head was clear for some time, the way you describe it, Katesong. But depression is a powerful, sneaky enemy and I didn´t realize I was becoming sick again. I was working a lot at the time and being busy helped, but as soon as i got home, I locked the doors, lied on my coach, watching videos to escape, then sleep. But then I couldn´t sleep, and little by little I got into trouble at work. I lost business, I lost friends. I didn´t want to wash myself anymore. I just put make-up on to go to work. I was always bitter, always with a lump in my thrat. Finally I couldn´t go out and I started crying all the time. Then death seemed the only way out of this pain. I truly wanted to die. But then I called up my shrink and asked for my meds.
They adjusted my medication and I felt good again, healthy, an energetic human being. My shrink told me that it was good I did this, because now I knew what a powerful disease I have. He was dead right.
Katesong, it´s great if you feel you have been saved by a miracle. It´s true, the prayer can be very powerful. Maybe you´re one of the lucky ones... Miracles do happen.
Tipsy-Rat, I got happy when I tried not to strive for happiness. it will come when you don´t expect it. Can you relate to that?
Let me know how you´re doing.
Love and light,
You still deal with depression and suicidal thoughts. I´m sorry to hear that and I feel for you. I´ve been there, many times.
It´s true that family situations can bring out the worst in us and stress increases depression. I don´t know about the insurance matters you have in the States, I´m in Paris, but I strongly urge you to try to go on medication. Why should you have less than a life? Why does it matter if your family does not think you have anything to be depressed about? You alone live within yourself and you are the judge of your own condition. Maybe an American member can find you a way to get less expensive meds. I hope so, but of course, you must want it for yourself. Remember, suicidal feelings are a warning sign that something is very wrong.
Being depressed the way you describe is a disease and it can be hell to deal with. It´s like having diabetes and not taking insuline. I stopped my meds myself on several occasions. It was good for a while and I felt my head was clear for some time, the way you describe it, Katesong. But depression is a powerful, sneaky enemy and I didn´t realize I was becoming sick again. I was working a lot at the time and being busy helped, but as soon as i got home, I locked the doors, lied on my coach, watching videos to escape, then sleep. But then I couldn´t sleep, and little by little I got into trouble at work. I lost business, I lost friends. I didn´t want to wash myself anymore. I just put make-up on to go to work. I was always bitter, always with a lump in my thrat. Finally I couldn´t go out and I started crying all the time. Then death seemed the only way out of this pain. I truly wanted to die. But then I called up my shrink and asked for my meds.
They adjusted my medication and I felt good again, healthy, an energetic human being. My shrink told me that it was good I did this, because now I knew what a powerful disease I have. He was dead right.
Katesong, it´s great if you feel you have been saved by a miracle. It´s true, the prayer can be very powerful. Maybe you´re one of the lucky ones... Miracles do happen.
Tipsy-Rat, I got happy when I tried not to strive for happiness. it will come when you don´t expect it. Can you relate to that?
Let me know how you´re doing.
Love and light,
Use adversity
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saint Paul MN
Posts: 7
Bi-Polar without meds
Lilya,
I would never advise anyone to stop their meds. If I got depressed I would grab my Wellbutrin, but I couldn't tell any difference with or without it. If I started acting manic my husband would have me at the psychiatrist although the choices for meds are becoming limited. I lost most of my hair to Depakote. I broke my toes and injured my hand badly on trileptal. I nearly went blind on topomax. Geodon had me drooling and falling asleep in my food. Yes, I would take meds rather than harm anyone including myself, but I pray it doesn't come to that. Most of my life was unmedicated. During a good part of that I needed help badly. I know the psychiatrist would keep me on meds even though I am doing so well to prevent me from having any more episodes, but I was not being a wife or mother and I am homeschooling my teenagers! I just thank God every day for my sound mind and resist any leaning toward insanity. I am not mad at my psychiatrists, they were my allies in the fight against this awful disease, but they offered no hope. God did offer hope. He gave us many promises in the Bible to heal us and I saw no reason that shouldn't include mental health. Jesus said He came to give us an abundant life and I decided to claim what He promised. It didn't come without me stretching my faith a whole lot. It didn't come without other believers supporting me in prayer.
I want to be sure that people don't think I am saying get off your meds. I am only telling what happened to me. I certainly will pray for anyone that wants me to. I am glad to do that. Whether you are on or off meds, prayer is necessary to survive mental illness. Any time I miss sleep, it can start up, so I make sure I sleep. BTW you might try having a small potato at night around 3 hours after dinner. It helps some folks to get a good night's rest, a lot better thatn the sleeping pills I took every night. I am not sure how many pills I was taking a day, but it was a handful every morning and every night. If they worked, I might not have looked for another answer.
I know I am just rambling. I wish I could meet you face to face. Remembering all that pain, confusion and terror, my heart goes out to anyone suffering with it.
Take care Lilya,
Glenda
:shades:
I would never advise anyone to stop their meds. If I got depressed I would grab my Wellbutrin, but I couldn't tell any difference with or without it. If I started acting manic my husband would have me at the psychiatrist although the choices for meds are becoming limited. I lost most of my hair to Depakote. I broke my toes and injured my hand badly on trileptal. I nearly went blind on topomax. Geodon had me drooling and falling asleep in my food. Yes, I would take meds rather than harm anyone including myself, but I pray it doesn't come to that. Most of my life was unmedicated. During a good part of that I needed help badly. I know the psychiatrist would keep me on meds even though I am doing so well to prevent me from having any more episodes, but I was not being a wife or mother and I am homeschooling my teenagers! I just thank God every day for my sound mind and resist any leaning toward insanity. I am not mad at my psychiatrists, they were my allies in the fight against this awful disease, but they offered no hope. God did offer hope. He gave us many promises in the Bible to heal us and I saw no reason that shouldn't include mental health. Jesus said He came to give us an abundant life and I decided to claim what He promised. It didn't come without me stretching my faith a whole lot. It didn't come without other believers supporting me in prayer.
I want to be sure that people don't think I am saying get off your meds. I am only telling what happened to me. I certainly will pray for anyone that wants me to. I am glad to do that. Whether you are on or off meds, prayer is necessary to survive mental illness. Any time I miss sleep, it can start up, so I make sure I sleep. BTW you might try having a small potato at night around 3 hours after dinner. It helps some folks to get a good night's rest, a lot better thatn the sleeping pills I took every night. I am not sure how many pills I was taking a day, but it was a handful every morning and every night. If they worked, I might not have looked for another answer.
I know I am just rambling. I wish I could meet you face to face. Remembering all that pain, confusion and terror, my heart goes out to anyone suffering with it.
Take care Lilya,
Glenda
:shades:
Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,095
Inamorata,
Before I got on the meds I struggled alot with depression, so I know what your going through. The primary reason I decided to take meds was because I stopped being able to sleep. I didn't sleep for six weeks. Really, it was awful. I was fighting my Dr. about going on medication. I didn't want to. Finally I couldn't take it anymore so I started on an anit-depressant that helped for sleep.
I've been on it for 12 years now, and it works for me. I don't have to increase my dose because there is no build up of tolerance, but I'll probably have to be on it for the rest of my life.
KateSong,
Your story does sound like a miracle. I'm happy for you that you were able to get control over your symptoms. I was fortuntate in that the first medication I tried worked for me, and have not had bad reactions like you experienced. That was awful for you going through that.
I'm glad to see you both here at the forum and look forward to hearing more from you.
Juls
Before I got on the meds I struggled alot with depression, so I know what your going through. The primary reason I decided to take meds was because I stopped being able to sleep. I didn't sleep for six weeks. Really, it was awful. I was fighting my Dr. about going on medication. I didn't want to. Finally I couldn't take it anymore so I started on an anit-depressant that helped for sleep.
I've been on it for 12 years now, and it works for me. I don't have to increase my dose because there is no build up of tolerance, but I'll probably have to be on it for the rest of my life.
KateSong,
Your story does sound like a miracle. I'm happy for you that you were able to get control over your symptoms. I was fortuntate in that the first medication I tried worked for me, and have not had bad reactions like you experienced. That was awful for you going through that.
I'm glad to see you both here at the forum and look forward to hearing more from you.
Juls
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saint Paul MN
Posts: 7
Juls,
I am glad I found this forum. I have been on the Christian forum for recovering alcoholics (sober around 10 years), but did not even notice there was a forum for bi-polars.
When I miss sleep, the manic symtoms try to return. It is signalto me to make a major effort to sleep no matter what it takes. I am not much of a sleeper unless I am depressed. I was taking Sonata for sleep, but wanted to see if I could sleep without any meds. I was using the diet from radiantrecovery.com and one of the things they have you do is eat a potatoe without any protein (sour cream) about 3 hours after dinner. It really works. I miss it sometimes and my sleep is not good. My sleep is much better than the drugged sleep I was having with meds. I have found that heir diet helps amazingly with mood disorders. It may not work for everyone and I got better before I tried it, but nothing about it is harmful. You just end up eventually giving up all sweeteners and caffiene and things with sweeteners and white flour. For some of us it can really make a difference. I see no reason a person couldn't stay on their meds and try it. It really is just eating healthy foods instead of junk food. I know my psychiatrist was always after me to give up caffiene. I finally did it and will never go back to it again. I sure drink a lot of water now!
I hope that my being here is uplifting to some. I want people to never give up. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. I am so glad I didn't accept my psychiatrist's belief that I would have hallucinations for the rest of my life. That made me very depressed for a long time until I decided to fight back with prayer. I asked God for the answer as to what is wrong with me and how can it be fixed. I was not in denial, saying there is nothing wrong with me, but I couldn't accept never getting any better. I just knew that God is bigger than the bi-polar disorder. So I am saying don't give up. If meds work, great! If they are not, keep at your doctor to find the right ones, but also start praying for God to help your doctors and help you find your pathway to healing.
Glenda
I am glad I found this forum. I have been on the Christian forum for recovering alcoholics (sober around 10 years), but did not even notice there was a forum for bi-polars.
When I miss sleep, the manic symtoms try to return. It is signalto me to make a major effort to sleep no matter what it takes. I am not much of a sleeper unless I am depressed. I was taking Sonata for sleep, but wanted to see if I could sleep without any meds. I was using the diet from radiantrecovery.com and one of the things they have you do is eat a potatoe without any protein (sour cream) about 3 hours after dinner. It really works. I miss it sometimes and my sleep is not good. My sleep is much better than the drugged sleep I was having with meds. I have found that heir diet helps amazingly with mood disorders. It may not work for everyone and I got better before I tried it, but nothing about it is harmful. You just end up eventually giving up all sweeteners and caffiene and things with sweeteners and white flour. For some of us it can really make a difference. I see no reason a person couldn't stay on their meds and try it. It really is just eating healthy foods instead of junk food. I know my psychiatrist was always after me to give up caffiene. I finally did it and will never go back to it again. I sure drink a lot of water now!
I hope that my being here is uplifting to some. I want people to never give up. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. I am so glad I didn't accept my psychiatrist's belief that I would have hallucinations for the rest of my life. That made me very depressed for a long time until I decided to fight back with prayer. I asked God for the answer as to what is wrong with me and how can it be fixed. I was not in denial, saying there is nothing wrong with me, but I couldn't accept never getting any better. I just knew that God is bigger than the bi-polar disorder. So I am saying don't give up. If meds work, great! If they are not, keep at your doctor to find the right ones, but also start praying for God to help your doctors and help you find your pathway to healing.
Glenda
Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,095
Glenda,
Your being here does and will make a difference to anyone who reads your posts. I'm glad you didn't listen to your psychiatrist either about those hallucinations. I have been told many things about myself by people that if I believed I probably wouldn't be here by now.
The diet thing is important for many who suffer from mental illness. White flour, white sugar, and caffeine are things that can affect some people adversely.
I have never heard about eating a potato for sleep, but I have heard that a banana and plain turkey help. I'd be afraid to go off the trazaodone I take, but maybe one day I will be ready. I'd like to think so.
Juls
Your being here does and will make a difference to anyone who reads your posts. I'm glad you didn't listen to your psychiatrist either about those hallucinations. I have been told many things about myself by people that if I believed I probably wouldn't be here by now.
The diet thing is important for many who suffer from mental illness. White flour, white sugar, and caffeine are things that can affect some people adversely.
I have never heard about eating a potato for sleep, but I have heard that a banana and plain turkey help. I'd be afraid to go off the trazaodone I take, but maybe one day I will be ready. I'd like to think so.
Juls
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Small Town, IL
Posts: 27
Glenda-
the original title of the thread is
Anyone live well with depression w/out meds?
This means you and you answered the call. No need to apologize for your personal experience, we all have a right too! Unfortuneately I could never eat a potato without sourcream, but I believe you are totally right about the caffeine and sugar.
I am on meds. I stopped for a period of time due to my sponsors objection, and under my therapists care, my therapist said ok, we'll try it as a test. I think I needed to see that for myself,if I really needed them. The final straw was when I wanted to backhand my mom at church because the sound her mouth made when she chewed gum that morning. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and it scared the crap out of me to be that irritable/unstable. And I hated the constant crying jags. I had to see for myself which direction I wanted to take. I got a new sponsor who was a substance abuse counselor for 15 years, and she said she believed I wouldn't be able to stay sober if I didn't do what my doctor told me.
I took 8 months and 3 different psychiatrists (they all kept leaving the clinic I went too) to get me stable, and I feel like I have been given such a blessed gift to be able to lead a stable life.
My family on one side was also against my medication, but I decided that side never was really rooting for the home team, namely me. BUT once I got stabalized and they saw me when I forgot my medicine, and now that I'm ok, they always make sure I'm taking it, and are very supportive now. I would have never thougt it. They said they can see clearly now the difference.
innamorata I don't know if there is something close to you that's free mental health clinic, but if you wanted to go on meds or talk to someone about it, I know we have some local to me. Hopefully you do too.
I wouldn't trade my life for anything now and I feel really, really blessed.
I have a woman I know who although she is on meds, she isn't stabalized yet and its very rough on her.
So everyone's story is different.
Thanks all-
Jesica
the original title of the thread is
Anyone live well with depression w/out meds?
This means you and you answered the call. No need to apologize for your personal experience, we all have a right too! Unfortuneately I could never eat a potato without sourcream, but I believe you are totally right about the caffeine and sugar.
I am on meds. I stopped for a period of time due to my sponsors objection, and under my therapists care, my therapist said ok, we'll try it as a test. I think I needed to see that for myself,if I really needed them. The final straw was when I wanted to backhand my mom at church because the sound her mouth made when she chewed gum that morning. I have a wonderful relationship with my mom and it scared the crap out of me to be that irritable/unstable. And I hated the constant crying jags. I had to see for myself which direction I wanted to take. I got a new sponsor who was a substance abuse counselor for 15 years, and she said she believed I wouldn't be able to stay sober if I didn't do what my doctor told me.
I took 8 months and 3 different psychiatrists (they all kept leaving the clinic I went too) to get me stable, and I feel like I have been given such a blessed gift to be able to lead a stable life.
My family on one side was also against my medication, but I decided that side never was really rooting for the home team, namely me. BUT once I got stabalized and they saw me when I forgot my medicine, and now that I'm ok, they always make sure I'm taking it, and are very supportive now. I would have never thougt it. They said they can see clearly now the difference.
innamorata I don't know if there is something close to you that's free mental health clinic, but if you wanted to go on meds or talk to someone about it, I know we have some local to me. Hopefully you do too.
I wouldn't trade my life for anything now and I feel really, really blessed.
I have a woman I know who although she is on meds, she isn't stabalized yet and its very rough on her.
So everyone's story is different.
Thanks all-
Jesica
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 104
Originally posted by Gooch
I definately don't ever want to hear that someone preferred taking their life to taking a prescribed med.
An important recognition for me was when I heard a speaker at a meeting say that they were't suicidal, they just felt like they didn't want to go on. I stopped the next time I was very depressed and asked myself some questions, Did I really want to die? Had I looked at methods for ending my life? or was it that I was just tired of facing life, going to work, doing dishes, and all that day to day stuff taht I felt like I couldn't cope with. Most of the time, those feelings I was having were based in being tired, feeling like i didn't "measure up", or someone else had hurt me, etc. I started to look at my inability to accept myself and my responsibilities. The soonerI gave myself permission to just feel my feelings exactly as they were, the sooner I accepted myself where I was, regardless of what others might think, the sooner the misery and fear would pass and some other feeling would take their place.
I dunno if this helps anyone else, but its part of my process and I'm grateful for those that shared their experience with me.
I definately don't ever want to hear that someone preferred taking their life to taking a prescribed med.
An important recognition for me was when I heard a speaker at a meeting say that they were't suicidal, they just felt like they didn't want to go on. I stopped the next time I was very depressed and asked myself some questions, Did I really want to die? Had I looked at methods for ending my life? or was it that I was just tired of facing life, going to work, doing dishes, and all that day to day stuff taht I felt like I couldn't cope with. Most of the time, those feelings I was having were based in being tired, feeling like i didn't "measure up", or someone else had hurt me, etc. I started to look at my inability to accept myself and my responsibilities. The soonerI gave myself permission to just feel my feelings exactly as they were, the sooner I accepted myself where I was, regardless of what others might think, the sooner the misery and fear would pass and some other feeling would take their place.
I dunno if this helps anyone else, but its part of my process and I'm grateful for those that shared their experience with me.
I needed that. I will use this, printed it out.
Carla
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Small Town, IL
Posts: 27
Oh, yeah one more thing......I also believe in working the steps in my recovery. The big book is healing, understanding and recover. So I really can't say what part of my work with either psych, steps, meds HP etc is causing the healing. I believe it is a combination of things and all of them are involved. I have had my mental illness long before I started using, it was misdiagnosed, and my parents were afraid to get me labeled with a stigma, so they did not address my illness and abandoned treatment. which actually I am glad I found out about the bipoloar for myself, as I always rebelled against them anyway and probably wouldn't have believed them.
Ok, I did really digress
Jesica
I hope you have found meaning here from all the posts, I have read some really powerful ones!
Ok, I did really digress
Jesica
I hope you have found meaning here from all the posts, I have read some really powerful ones!
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saint Paul MN
Posts: 7
Still Bi-Polar without meds
Jessica.
When the meds work it is great. I remember a few months when I was on Trileptal and Wellbutrin that I felt great. And then hallucinations came and the psychaitrist decidec to try other drugs. He had tried anto-psychotics before and they just knocked me out. My face would fall into my food while I was eating. Get this: I was homeschooling my children and unable to even think.
I am really happy that there are meds to help mentally ill people. I had a real fear of being locked up after we had to put my son in a mental hospital for a short time. They treated him so badly that I swore I would never put him or anyone there again. We took him our AMA and took him right to our psychiatrist. Got him better meds and we can live with him now. He WAS psychotic. He is a fine young man now with a future. I pray that God will heal him, but until that time he will take meds if he lives at home. (he is nearly 18).
I just continually thank God for healing my mind. I resist any attempt of the symptons to come back. I am vigillant about it. The psychiatrist told me it was OK to enjoy the hallucinations since I would have them the rest of my life. Since I started resisting them instead of playing with them and having fun with them or being fearful of them, they leave whenever I notice they are trying to come back.
That's part of the mania, the depression is far easier for me to fight. As soon as I start to have negative thought, I tell my husband and we pray. He is a constant prayer warrior in my behalf.
One of the things I learned to do when I was very sick, and having hallucinations, was to pray for other people. The worse I felt, the more I prayed. I also got medical help, but I know that without prayer, I would not have made it.
One time the depression got so bad I didn't want to live. I was taking my meds faithfully, too. My husband made me go to church and the ladies at that prayer meeting laid their hands on me and prayed and the depression lifted! It never came back like that again.
I am learning not to allow any negative thoughts to stay in my mind. I choose to change my thinking. I remember when I used to go to AA how they talked about stinking thinking. That is the sort of thinking that I must not allow to stay in my mind. Yes, I am doing great without meds, but I am attacking mental illness spiritually as well as with nutrition and trying to get enough sleep. Man is a threefold being: I am a spirit, I have a soul (mind, will and emotions) and I live in a body. All three parts need to be taken care of if we are to be in good mental health.
Wow! That was more than I meant to say. Maybe someone needed to hear it.
I am always available for prayer or friendship.
Glenda
Lots of Smiles for you!
When the meds work it is great. I remember a few months when I was on Trileptal and Wellbutrin that I felt great. And then hallucinations came and the psychaitrist decidec to try other drugs. He had tried anto-psychotics before and they just knocked me out. My face would fall into my food while I was eating. Get this: I was homeschooling my children and unable to even think.
I am really happy that there are meds to help mentally ill people. I had a real fear of being locked up after we had to put my son in a mental hospital for a short time. They treated him so badly that I swore I would never put him or anyone there again. We took him our AMA and took him right to our psychiatrist. Got him better meds and we can live with him now. He WAS psychotic. He is a fine young man now with a future. I pray that God will heal him, but until that time he will take meds if he lives at home. (he is nearly 18).
I just continually thank God for healing my mind. I resist any attempt of the symptons to come back. I am vigillant about it. The psychiatrist told me it was OK to enjoy the hallucinations since I would have them the rest of my life. Since I started resisting them instead of playing with them and having fun with them or being fearful of them, they leave whenever I notice they are trying to come back.
That's part of the mania, the depression is far easier for me to fight. As soon as I start to have negative thought, I tell my husband and we pray. He is a constant prayer warrior in my behalf.
One of the things I learned to do when I was very sick, and having hallucinations, was to pray for other people. The worse I felt, the more I prayed. I also got medical help, but I know that without prayer, I would not have made it.
One time the depression got so bad I didn't want to live. I was taking my meds faithfully, too. My husband made me go to church and the ladies at that prayer meeting laid their hands on me and prayed and the depression lifted! It never came back like that again.
I am learning not to allow any negative thoughts to stay in my mind. I choose to change my thinking. I remember when I used to go to AA how they talked about stinking thinking. That is the sort of thinking that I must not allow to stay in my mind. Yes, I am doing great without meds, but I am attacking mental illness spiritually as well as with nutrition and trying to get enough sleep. Man is a threefold being: I am a spirit, I have a soul (mind, will and emotions) and I live in a body. All three parts need to be taken care of if we are to be in good mental health.
Wow! That was more than I meant to say. Maybe someone needed to hear it.
I am always available for prayer or friendship.
Glenda
Lots of Smiles for you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: California, USA
Posts: 1,095
Jesica,
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story with us. It took alot of courage to stand up for what you felt was right for you, and to keep on trying even in the face of adversity.
I also like what Gooch had to say about taking medication, and not wanting to go on as opposed to feeling suicdal.
Jesica, I also understand that feeling of irritability, where something someone is doing gets on your nerves so bad, you just want to smack them, but I thought I was the only one who felt like that.
I have been pretty stable on my meds for awhile now, and more so since I stopped using.
We are all examples of how to meet life's challenges.
Juls
Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story with us. It took alot of courage to stand up for what you felt was right for you, and to keep on trying even in the face of adversity.
I also like what Gooch had to say about taking medication, and not wanting to go on as opposed to feeling suicdal.
Jesica, I also understand that feeling of irritability, where something someone is doing gets on your nerves so bad, you just want to smack them, but I thought I was the only one who felt like that.
I have been pretty stable on my meds for awhile now, and more so since I stopped using.
We are all examples of how to meet life's challenges.
Juls
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: houston, texas
Posts: 72
Hey all-
It's kinda odd how my depression goes. I'm only 21, but I had two depression episodes in my life (both lasting a year or more). I became an addict right when I turned 20 and went into recovery 8 months later. It seems that since the addiction, my outlook on life is completely different. I never really feel depressed. Maybe kinda sad for a day or two every once in a while, but nothing like the constant depression I felt all through my teens. I almost feel the addiction nknocked the depression out of me. I was unbearably miserable the entire time I was addicted, but as soon as I quit the heroine, contentment just overcame me.
It sounds kinda wierd, but I am almost thankful that I experienced an addiction. I know so much more about my self and life in that year of addiction and the recovery process than probably the other 20 years of my life combined. I almost feel "blessed", because I truly do feel that because of that one miserable year, I will have a happier life and I am special to have the gift of understanding addiction. I am in college right now, making all A's to be an RN. I want to specialize in addiction eventually. I'd like to go make for med school later on. before my addiction, I had no direction and was on probation. Just another reason why I think my addiction was actually good for me in a way. It was definately the hardest thing I ever had to deal with in my short lifetime!! And I'm proud of my recovery...I feel as if I really can accomplish a lot. I've always had extremely low self esteem along with the depression. My addiction has made me happier with myself. I accept myself more now than ever and I have a lot more drive to accomplish things from it.
Well, you all probably think that overcoming depression from addiction may be odd, but it was my way of answering the question of dealing with depression without meds.
It's kinda odd how my depression goes. I'm only 21, but I had two depression episodes in my life (both lasting a year or more). I became an addict right when I turned 20 and went into recovery 8 months later. It seems that since the addiction, my outlook on life is completely different. I never really feel depressed. Maybe kinda sad for a day or two every once in a while, but nothing like the constant depression I felt all through my teens. I almost feel the addiction nknocked the depression out of me. I was unbearably miserable the entire time I was addicted, but as soon as I quit the heroine, contentment just overcame me.
It sounds kinda wierd, but I am almost thankful that I experienced an addiction. I know so much more about my self and life in that year of addiction and the recovery process than probably the other 20 years of my life combined. I almost feel "blessed", because I truly do feel that because of that one miserable year, I will have a happier life and I am special to have the gift of understanding addiction. I am in college right now, making all A's to be an RN. I want to specialize in addiction eventually. I'd like to go make for med school later on. before my addiction, I had no direction and was on probation. Just another reason why I think my addiction was actually good for me in a way. It was definately the hardest thing I ever had to deal with in my short lifetime!! And I'm proud of my recovery...I feel as if I really can accomplish a lot. I've always had extremely low self esteem along with the depression. My addiction has made me happier with myself. I accept myself more now than ever and I have a lot more drive to accomplish things from it.
Well, you all probably think that overcoming depression from addiction may be odd, but it was my way of answering the question of dealing with depression without meds.
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