fluer

Has anybody ever felt so alone that you weren't sure you were going to be ok? I mean, that maybe you were never really going to find someone to understand all of you,love you, and be there for you? Does anybody ever worry that you will always feel alone at the end of the day?

Do you think if you are an abuse survivor, that no matter how much healing you get, that you will still ultimately feel not understood or known by another person for real?

Bamboozle

I'm not an abuse survivor, but I hear ya on the lonliness thing.

Eleison

The aloneness. Yes. Right now as I approach a 3 week break from therapy.

I am also an abuse survivor.

adore79

Yeah totally. I have always felt a wall between myself and everyone else, either put up by me or not, I dont know. I keep thinking there is some deep attachment that two people can feel with each other that I am emotionally/mentally incapable of feeling. Somewhere along the line I came to despise even a slight touch by anyone. I dont think anyone would would want to understand or know me and I dont think it will ever happen.

Thanks2HP

I made a decision to "love" my girlfriend. I don't really know what love is. Someone told me once that love is a "genuine care and concern for another". If that's the case then I love her.

I act "as if"... treating her with kindness, respect and appreciation. Two years and counting and so far so good.

I don't think I'll ever feel a "deep attachment that two people can feel with each other" but if what I have is as close as it's going to get, I'm okay with it.

historyteach

Hi, susan,
And welcome to the MH forum of SR!

Thanks for sharing your ESH. Yes, it can and does get better, step by step, taking one positive action after another.

I look forward to getting to know you as we both move on in our recovery.

Shalom!

jurneyman

When I was first trying to get clean and sober, the emptiness that I felt and couldn't define was explained to me by my first sponsor as a Spiritual hole. The loneliness that I felt I tried to fill with anything that might help keep that emptiness numbed. No feeling at all was better then being alone and miserable. The alcohol and drugs are what worked for me, until they worked no more, and I was sick and empty once again.

Some of my first work on the second step, started me on the path of finding a Higher Power who could connect me again with my personal Spirit, I had disconnected from by the use of alcohol and drugs. Now by prayer and meditation I was slowly able to fill the void, reconnecting with my Spirit, and was being restored to sanity by my Higher Power.

I found out that nothing material would fill that emptiness, I tried and failed many times, just like I had trying to quit my addictions. I also learned that I had to find confidence and
love of myself/Spirit and my Higher Power, before I could form a relationship, or love another human being. IMHO I had to be able to have, and give unconditional love to another Spirit, the God Given right of freedom, the same that is given to me by my Higher Power.

Freedom1990

Yes, I did feel that way for a long long time. :ghug :ghug

huggybear

i was like that very bad.. during depression...
I always found it good to try and remember that.. depression dosnt just impair your mood it affects all aspects of your mental capacity. so socail interaction abilities go down the spout as well as your ability to assese matters rationaly which distorts perceptoin of how people view is, which causes feelings of extreme lonleyness this normal for a depressive..

i'm confirdant that the way you think people view your bares little resembalents to the level of regard your held with.. as you having these feelings will make you act in a way that people will like you...

after years of depression and social anxiety.. thinking that everybody hates me ( componded by the fact that i was viciously victomised by a deepy disturbed adult my whole childhood).. now I'm in recovery i'm seeing that my socal life and skills are rocketing.. and i'm really noticing how well thought i've become even with relationships i built during those very dark years..
but its mainly in recovery when you can accept that your liked and likable with out that luming doubt..

panduh

You're not alone. I am an abuse survior- not by choice (i tried to kill myself after that last time i was abused). Moral of the two sentence story, youre not alone and that there are plenty of us that understand, and have felt the pain that never heals. stay strong mate.

Tnydncr

yeah ive been through all of this too. its extemely hard to feel that kind of aloneness. but when you take a step back to look at all the wonderful things in your life you realize how not alone you are.

i felt someone could never love me and that i was such an outcast and no one could ever understand who i really am. but i did, i found someone who loves me. for every part of me. my depression still comes on and he is always there for me. its amazing when you find that person. dont ever give up on that, its a wonderful feeling.

i also found someone i could open up to and trust and i found out that we have both been through the same things and that we both suffer from the same feelings. there are people out there closer than you think who can understand what you go through. im not going to lie it is very difficult to open up to someone about something as dark as this and your always going to be scared of that persons reaction, but in the end everything worked out for me because i just tried to stay positive no matter what.

i hope this helps. please feel better. there are people that care about you.

ps. you will be ok.

mnjen

I sooo understand feeling so alone, but don't understand how it's possible for me. I've got the greatest kids in the world. They are healthy, happy and I am lucky to be their mom. What more could I ask for?
Aside from them I feel so misunderstood and alone.
Seems as though I am an actress (a very good one, by the way!) in my other relationships, but I really don't intend to be. I call my couple of drinks before social interactions (even with my boyfriend and family) "putting on my personality". I feel so broken from the girl I used to be. How can I be surrounded by a family that means so well, and still feel so disconnected and alone?
I haven't quit drinking yet, but it is very near on the horizon.

Superstar codependent, but working on re-learning myself the correct way.