PaperDolls

I think i've been feeling depressed and lathargic again. I'm not sure what's going on.
Could it be hormones? Something simple like that?

Not sleeping regularly. I need so badly to get myself in a routine but I'm a slacker and a procrastinator. It's hard to get out of the thinking "This is just the way I am ... ". If I was to change some of my behaviors and thinking, I've got to quit thinking like that.

Blah.

PaperDolls

I'm still a slacker ...... but I seem to have more energy lately. Still not on a regular sleep pattern.

The Prozac and Wellbutrin combo seems to be working well. I still have days where I despise myself. Can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I wish I knew why I felt that way sometimes.

All in all, I'm doing well and C and I have been having a blast hanging out with each other. We seem to enjoy each other more all of a sudden. Not taking things for granted. Love is good, but it's hard work.

Peace and hugs.

Live

the greatest thing is that you work your love together!

PaperDolls

I've been away from here for a while. Lurking some days but needed a break I guess. I didn't plan it, it just happened.

I've been doing well. I think the Wellbutrin/Prozac combo are really helping with my depression. I was just mentioning to C last night how happy and free I feel. It's a good thing.

My original sober date was 12/3/05. I had 2 slips that I talked about here months ago. Since then, I have had one more. So, I suppose I don't have a sober date anymore ...... well, it would be April 27, 2008 but I don't think I'm going to keep track anymore.

The other 2 slips were "minor", in that I didn't get drunk at all. This time I did. It was a conscious decision and I'm ok with it. I didn't lie or hide anything from C. We were together and pretty much made the decision together. It is what it is. I felt like crap (hungover) the next day and I don't have any desire to drink today, or since then. I'm not going to say it will never happen again but I have no plans and it's pretty unlikely. I'm a homebody and really not interested in going out drinking and partying.

My depression seems to be under control. My anxiety level is fine. My self-worth is not great, probably the same as always but something that has changed about that is that I'm AWARE of the negative things I say to myself and am learning to stop from thinking that way and change it all together.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

PaperDolls

I really really want to be a therapist. Actually, I think it's always what I've wanted to do. I never knew how to get there plus the whole school thing just wasn't my ......... well, thing.

I'm passionate about it and I KNOW I'd be good at it.
But then, I think "Wait a minute, as screwed up as I am, how could I do that?" I've read that most therapists are about the most co-dependent people ever. Do you think that's true? If so, I've got that part down fo'shizzle!

So, then, let's pretend I decide this is what I'm going to do. OMG! Lot's and lot's of school, right? I've got to work full-time. Would it even be possible to get that sort of degree (in this century) AND work full-time.

Just thinking out loud.
Thanks for listening.

squiggle

Paper doll ,

Have just read your post , sounds like your having a tough time alright.

I would really really recommend getting yourself a therapist. If you find one you get on with, it can be so helpful. T:bounce:bounceo have someone to talk your troubles through with.

I look forward to seeing my therapist weekly, i find it really beneficial to have someone i can talk to about anything .

I hope this might help.

historyteach

If you want to be a therapist, yes, you do have to go to school.
But, I do think you'd be GREAT at it!!!

And yes, I think most therapists are codependent. But, they also get their own counseling too. And I think that is helpful for them to learn how to detach and to separate their work life from their personal life.

When I first went into education, I was working with emotionally disturbed kids. I took so much home with me, that I thought I was going to go nuts myself! Then, we, as a staff, began taking classes in Control Theory/Reality Therapy - a behavior modification program. Boy, did it help me learn to separate me from them, and to leave school behind. For the most part, that is... some of the hardest stuff can still hit me; I am human afterall.

So, go for it. School/education isn't bad when you're doing something you *want* to do!

I wish you luck. Just take one class to find out what it's like. Then, build on it. You *can* do this if you wish and will it!!!

Shalom!

PaperDolls

I've been seeing a therapist. It does help and I know I've got a lot to work on. I think so negatively about myself. It amazes me sometimes.

I have started working out again .... slowly and with C's help. She's "training" me, yikes! It'll be good. Just saw my general doc and realized I've lost 20lbs since I saw her last June. I'm pretty sure it's the meds .... either the Wellbutrin or Prozac, not sure. I really don't care which it is, just glad I've lost weight. It makes it more motivating to workout and try to actually see some changes in my body.

I'm getting back on "the pill" to help with the side effects. Binge eating, sadness, depression, tired, headaches, bloated ..... all that fun "girl" stuff. Anyway, hopefully the pill will help with it. My gen. doc also suggested upping my Wellbutrin to help with the energy level and sadness. I told her I'd ask the p-doc about it. She asked how much I was on, I thought it was 150mg but it's 300mg. I think the max is somewhere around 400mg.

Oh, and the going back to school thing. I want to do it but it's just not a good time right now. I don't think piling that much stuff on myself would be a good idea now. I know I can do it eventually but it's just not the right time.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Peace and hugs.
Out.

PaperDolls

A must see:

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historyteach

You'll know when it's time.

Shalom!

PaperDolls

Therapy last night ........ it went well. Just have some stuff on my mind.

__________________________________________________ ____
Define selfish:
* concerned chiefly or only with yourself and your advantage to the exclusion of others;
* Selfishness is, at base, the concept and/or practice of concern with one's own interests in some sort of priority to the interests of others; it is often used to refer to a self-interest that comes in a particular form, or above a certain level.

__________________________________________________ ____
Codependency isn't about other people - it's about the relationship with the self.

__________________________________________________ ____
Distorted and damaged self-esteem is the root of codependency.

__________________________________________________ ____
Define Codependency:
suffering and/or dysfunction that is associ-ated with or results from focusing on the needs and behavior of others. A constellation of responses by significant others, particularly family, to being involved with the dependent.

__________________________________________________ ____
Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communications

__________________________________________________ ____
The 12 steps workbook features the Proactive Twelve Steps. It provides a discussion of each step, as well as all the 12 steps material of this website, in a convenient ebook format. (it's free)

PaperDolls

It sure is quite around here lately. Not just here, but SR in general.

I'm doing well. Getting to bed at reasonable times but still have trouble getting out of bed. I'm probably going to have to give in and get a sleep study done. Too bad I can't win the lottery first.

C and I have got a sick dog. I'm taking her (the dog, not C) to the vet tomorrow afternoon. It will be her 3rd visit in just over a month. She won't eat and when she does she can't keep it down. Nothing the vet has tried has worked so far ........ I'm afraid I might completely freak out if there's something really serious going on with her. Cross your fingers, please. Hopefully I'll get some answers tomorrow.

nandm

I agree it has been very quiet around here lately. Even BP town has been more like a ghost town. Hopefully it means everyone is doing so well that they are out enjoying the sunshine.

I hope things go well with your dog. I hate it when mine don't feel well.

PaperDolls

My pup is still sick. The doc doesn't know yet what's going on. I think I want him to be more aggressive.

The blood work showed some specific white blood cells elevated. Something to do with immunity I think. He's got her on an antibiotic (which I think she's not tolerating well) and Pepcid AC. She keeps throwing up everyday and she's getting skinny. I need to call him again.



Seriously.
Whatever.

historyteach

Poor puppy....

I hate it when the animals are sick...
They can't help themselves and depend upon us so much...

I hope the antibiotic helps.
White blood cells means infection, no?

Shalom!

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Doll,

Please get a second opinion on your pup. That's a long time for her to be sick..

lilkim

I am bipolar. I spent alot of my life feeling like you do. 1/2 the work is getting a good doctor that listens. I found one. My meds are stable and so am I. It might take a few trys with different meds. But it's worth it.

PaperDolls

I took my pup, Naomi, in this morning for xrays. He did more bloodwork. I'm waiting for a call back. He didn't see anything glaring but is going to have another vet look at it for his opinion. He's been our vet for 10 years now and is a friend as well so I really trust him. He was trying to take it slow hoping the easy, cheaper things would work because he hates "gouging" clients. I told him don't worry about it, I'm worried so it's time to get aggressive about it. He agrees.

So, hopefully I'll hear back soon about the xrays. Depending on what they see I may take her in later for an ultrasound.

About the elevated white blood cells. The WBC is within normal range but there are numbers for specific types? of white blood cells. The Neutrophils test is high. He said it has to do with immunity. If that one is elevated it appears she's trying to fight off an infection. She had a fever this morning too. She did eat a little and it hasn't come back up yet so that's a good sign.

Cross your fingers.

PaperDolls

This is Naomi.

Emimily

aww... what a little baby!! i'm in love, seriously. little puppas... man. i miss my dog. i so wish i could bring her to work.