PrairieSpirit

I have set a quit date, December 28th. This is a time when I know I will have the best chance at getting through a weekend, which will give me some confidence to continue on. That weekend I have no plans and can take the whole weekend just to focus on not smoking weed. That will be my only commitment to myself. Until then I will keep reading on the forum here...it will be help to motivate me.

I appreciate all the messages.

xo

FlyingDutchMan

Hey PrairieSpirit, I'm a little hesitant in telling you what to do, because who am I? But I feel compelled to give you some advice. If you ask me, you'd be better off quitting on a weekend that is busy with plans. Sitting around and focussing on not smoking will only make the whole thing bigger than it already is. You need some distraction. For me, physical exercise works wonders. Take a hike or something if you can, a long one preferably. Tire yourself. Make your mind shut up, because it will try to play tricks on you. Being tired physically by sports / exercise really put me in a spot where I needed to be a couple of times.

I fully underline the thought that you've gotta start somewhere, but maybe you should prepare a little more mentally about a longer period of time in which you will be feeling all kinds of things, not all of them positive. A weekend is a great way to start but from personal experience it takes a lot more time to re-adjust to the new situation. I tell you this because I expected a fairy-land and only good things when I quit but the reality is it can kinda suck, especially in the beginning. That pissed me off and led me to think: I really need a smoke. I didn't, but I came close a number of times. Just because my expectations were unrealistic. It's not uncommon you will start to re-evaluate the whole quitting-thing when you actually quit. I did this on many many occasions, and I know I am not alone in that.

I'm not here as a bringer of bad news, I just wanted to share what I learned in hindsight.

Best wishes from The Netherlands!

PrairieSpirit

Thanks FDM, good suggestions. I came clean with my AA sponsor last night before the meeting and needless to say I won't be celebrating one year sober next Saturday night. I know I was only fooling myself anyway. So today is day one and I will be going to meetings everyday to help me stay truly sober.

lynnmarie123

That is amazing! Good for you!
Now you can get on with the job of getting truly sober.

August252015

Oh, I am so glad to read this. I was dreading reading thru all the posts to see if anyone else said what I was thinking, which is (using my own words) you aren't sober.

Quitting today (whichever day it is now for you, calendar wise) is the best idea. Good luck.

Dee74

Chip or not (and I applaud your honesty in not taking it) you still have a year off booze tho - that's shows you can do hard things PS

D

PrairieSpirit

Thanks Dee.

trailmix

Yes, I was thinking the same thing Dee said, a year of not drinking is a huge accomplishment, congratulations on that.

FlyingDutchMan

Hey PrairieSpirit, I think it takes a lot of character to come clean with your sponsor so close to the one year mark. I wish you strength on your attempt to free yourself from marijuana. You've got our support.

PrairieSpirit

Okay, since the title of this thread is 'honestly', I need to come clean!!!

What actually happened was I was HOPING I could quit the weed before I went to the meeting for my one year sobriety birthday in December 2019 so that I could take it feeling not so guilty...and that is why I was here for support...when I ended up not being able to quit, post number 23 by me in this thread, was my first lie (I'm sorry Flying Dutch Man), and on the 25th (yes it was even on Christmas Day!) I actually went to my homegroup for my one year birthday celebration and took a one year chip. I still hadn't told a soul that I was smoking weed everyday. I felt so ashamed of myself that night, and I was a mess when I was trying to tell my story. I was so touched by all who came to celebrate with me on Christmas Day. I felt like such a hypocrite. (I was one!) I went home and got high after the meeting. I tied up this thread in such a way that hopefully nobody I know from meetings should they happen upon it and figure out it was me.

Then the pandemic hit and I suddenly there was no more pressure to go to meetings and pretend I was actually truly sober! I haven't had a day without it since.

Geesh.

Sorry folks for not being honest honest back in 2019!

I came back on as Bluejay71 last Fall (almost 2 years later) and it has been since then that I have really started getting sick of my 'wasted' life.

I am going to stick with my PrairieSpirit profile though from this time forward and share my journey into a truly clean and sober life. That is what I really want and I know it.

Thanks for being here and sharing and listening.
PS

Dee74

A lot of us lied to protect our addiction - I know I did.
I'm just glad you made it back PS

D

PrairieSpirit

Thanks Dee. Me too.

Sigh...the crazy life of being in an active addiction!!

I am trying to talk myself into making tomorrow day one. I have A LOT of stuff I would have to throw away tonight though!!! lol

Dee74

I think ultimately you'll find it a relief when you bin all your stuff

D