Shewhodares

So, here I am. I found a post that I wrote on another forum 6 YEARS ago saying that I wanted to give up smoking weed because of the impact it was having on my life.

It's time for me to FINALLY give up and try a new way of living. I smoked my last spliff today, about an hour ago. I'm laying in my bed typing on my laptop freaking out in my head about my life. I'm 31 and I still live at home with my parents. I'm barely holding on at work because I have been suffering so much with my addictions recently.

It's been around 6 weeks since I drank alcohol and about 4 weeks since I took speed or cocaine. My main issue and my homestay has always been weed though. Going to post here everyday with my progress and I really hope this time I can give up the weed.

Negative impact weed has on my life:

1. Makes me hide away from my family.
2. Makes me ashamed of who I am.
3. Gives me the munchies (massive weight gain.)
4. Saps my energy and makes me lazy.
5. Steals my aspirations.
6. Reduced cognitive ability.
7. Reduced self care.
8. Makes me socially anxious.
9. Waste of money.
10. Hides your personality.

I'm nearly 31 and I feel like I don't know who I am. I recently went 6 days without drugs or alcohol and I freaked out in my head so much. I just don't know how to be sober and how to deal with life without drugs.

I joined NA a few weeks ago and all the people were so lovely and supportive. I went for two weeks but didn't go this week as I am still using and felt awkward about going and telling them that. I have reached out to a few of them today for advice on how to get started again and am now waiting for them to reply.

That's it really! Thanks for reading x

Dee74

Welcome aboard shewhodares - reaching out is always a great start

when do you think you'll be ready to declare a day one?

D

Pacoloco

Welcome Shewhodares you can do this

Lorax1981

Hi there- I quit when I was 31. Sobriety is the biggest, hardest, best change you can make at least it was for me. You can do it!

Shewhodares

Hi Dee,

Thanks for your response. My day 1 is today!!

I have an NA meeting scheduled for tonight after work so that should keep me busy.

Thanks Lorax and Pacoloco, I feel good about quitting this time - I hope I can do it!!

xx

Dee74

awesome

D

icandothis20

Hey shewhodares! I also have the same issues. Alcohol and MJ being my vices. I am totally sober from alcohol now and going strong, but I always return to weed.
It is far more insidious than alcohol and because it doesnt cause immediate big damage like alcohol does, you can get by smoking it daily and not have any realllll problems. But the same with you, lack of energy, no real passions or goals, munchies, social anxiety, lack of self care.... all these things add up and make you feel less than.

I keep having this pipe dream that I can smoke once a week or occasionally. I recently went 35 days without, and then smoked one day, and thought I could moderate... but here I am ... smoking daily again.

Im also going to make today day 1 again, so we can do this journey together!

Shewhodares

Day 1.

I will not smoke today. Just got back from my NA meeting. It was good but I didn't share. I'm really annoyed at myself as I find it so difficult to talk in front of people. I so wanted to share but when I tried previously my mind went blank. I went soooo red and was stuttering and lost my train of thought.

I so wanted to stay after the meeting and talk to everyone but I get REALLY nervous and overwhelmed. It's really important to me to make some connections with sober people. I literally have 3 friends who all drink and take drugs. I'm so desperate to connect with people but when it comes down to it I always whimp out. Everyone else seems to be able to articulate themselves so well and I just can't! God forbid asking anyone to be my sponsor!!

I've read a lot that weed can cause anxiety in general or at least contribute to it so I am hoping with some more clean time under my belt I might start feeling more comfortable talking to people.

Thanks for reading xx

Shewhodares

Hi Icandothis20,


Thanks for your post - it feels really good knowing that there is someone in the same boat

I had the 'moderation' pipe dream too and that lead to me smoking full time for the last 6 years!


Together we can do this!!!!!

xx

icandothis20

Thats one of the biggest problems I have with smoking weed. The anxiety and general unease in social situations. I remember last month when I had about 3 weeks clean I was talking much more confidently, wasnt super shy and paranoid around people, and remember just feeling a lot more sure of myself.
This will def get better! Whats your plan for the rest of the night? My witching hour is from 5-10 after work. I am going to go home, go to yoga, watch the bachelorette (terrible I know) and then just read and go to bed! I AM NOT SMOKING TODAY NO MATTER WHAT.

I feel you on the sober friends things... I am 28 and had to ditch basically all my friends because they all drink and smoke heavily. Im a lone wolf for now

Shewhodares

Hey Ican,

It's so great to hear that you experienced an improvement with your anxiety in social situations! I look forward to enjoying the benefits in the near future.

My witching hour is the same as yours - in the evenings after work. Last night I just came home from NA, logged into SR and then got an early night. I had a terrible dream though and woke up crying .

Hope you had a good evening Ican and well done on your day 1!

xx

FlyingDutchMan

Hello Shewhodares, welcome to the forum. It's a good thing you made the step and this forum might be able to help you a great deal. You know what smoking brought you and now it's time to find out what not smoking brings you. Don't be too hard on yourself regarding the social thing. I can imagine it bothers you but you're not alone in that aspect.

Whishing you strength and determination!

Shewhodares

Day 2.

Kind of OK day today. Slept very badly and woke up crying because I had a really vivid dream that my sister died . Went to work, had a healthy dinner, did some chores and went out for a dog walk.

I'm 7 stone overweight at the moment and I really want to get my weight down so I'm going to start exercising 5 x a week. I'm hoping this will help keep me in a positive place mentally while I withdraw from the evil weed too.

Got really emotional this evening thinking about Amy Winehouse because it's the anniversay of her death today. Feeling all the feels.

xx

Shewhodares

Hi FlyingDutch,

Thank you for your comment, means alot that I'm not alone.


xx

Ohiochrissy

Dee74

Great to see some old faces and some activity here.

Don't give up OhioChrissy - I had to sacrifice a little short term pain for long term benefit - you can do this

D

Shewhodares

Hi Chrissy,

Thank you for your comment and for the encouragement .

You can do it!!

xx

Shewhodares

Day 3.

Really struggling right now. Usually on a Wednesday evening I would hot-tail it over to my friends house and light up as soon as I finish work.

I have an NA meeting tonight that I planned to go to instead but it's like I'm in two minds and the thought that I could just sack it all off and go round his house to get stoned is prominent in my mind.

Logged in on here to re-read my first post and remind me why I am doing this.

xx

icandothis20

I feel you!! The being in two minds thing is one of the hardest parts of sobriety. Its the AV telling you that your not that bad and that you can get it under control and only smoke on weekends, etc., Its a sneaky little devil. I am not sure if your into reading at all, but I bought a book called The Joy of Quitting Cannabis and it really made me not want to smoke ever again- I need to re read it actually.

The thing is- the first week or two are brutal because your brain is rewiring and it seems just so hard and you just want to go back to your old comfort zone- but once you get past like week 2, something changes and you wonder how you went around so tired all the time. Rooting for you! One thing that helps me is not to say "im never smoking again" it produces fear and overwhelm. Just try for 1 week, see how you do, then 1 month etc., the time adds up and your mind frame really does change.

Shewhodares

Hi Ican,

Thanks for your comment. It's good to know that it gets better after the first 2 weeks. I gave into my AV last night and smoked. I'm so p****d at myself this morning!

I'll definitely check out that book, thanks for the recommendation.

Hope you have a good day!

xx