In Gratitude
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In Gratitude
I am so thankful for the love and support of my husband and parents who have been holding my hands and drying my tears throughout this journey. They've been walking beside me every step and I am so lucky not to be doing all this alone.
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I am also grateful for the fact that my niece has done as well as she has in spite of having to deal with so many difficult things. She's only eleven years old and is a beautiful mix of innocence of wisdom. I am thankful her gentle spirit remains intact and pray it always will.
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I'm thankful to have found support here because it is helping me to change the lens through which I've been viewing my sister's addiction. I'm realising that it's sapping my strength to argue with her or repeat myself over and over. Instead I need to let her make her own decisions and then let her face the consequences. I'm grateful to be learning this so I can do a better job of looking after my niece, my husband, and myself.
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Tonight I'm thinking about how grateful I am that my in-laws are nearby and are supportive. We called them tonight for advice on a parenting-type question with my niece and they were great. So we're lucky to have them and I'm counting them among my blessings.
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I'm grateful that I have come to understand and appreciate my parents as a result of my sister's addiction. As a child, I wasn't close with my parents, especially not my mother, and I thought they were impatient and snappish and miserable people.
Of course they were impatient and snappish and miserable... but that's not because it's their nature to be that way. It was because they were stressed to the hilt struggling with my addicted sister, trying to get her help, trying to make change, trying to help her turn her life around.
I was a teenager and all I could see was that my parents were no fun. And they were kind enough not to burden me with all of it... I knew it was going on but not the seriousness of it all. I was free to enjoy my childhood while they struggled privately.
Now, as an adult, I share the burden of trying to help my sister change and of looking after her child. And I find myself, at times, impatient and miserable and snappish.
And I'm even grateful for that because it helps me look at my parents differently, to see the people they really always were. They are kind and loving and giving people who did the best they could with limited resources. And I'm grateful to finally be able to see that.
Of course they were impatient and snappish and miserable... but that's not because it's their nature to be that way. It was because they were stressed to the hilt struggling with my addicted sister, trying to get her help, trying to make change, trying to help her turn her life around.
I was a teenager and all I could see was that my parents were no fun. And they were kind enough not to burden me with all of it... I knew it was going on but not the seriousness of it all. I was free to enjoy my childhood while they struggled privately.
Now, as an adult, I share the burden of trying to help my sister change and of looking after her child. And I find myself, at times, impatient and miserable and snappish.
And I'm even grateful for that because it helps me look at my parents differently, to see the people they really always were. They are kind and loving and giving people who did the best they could with limited resources. And I'm grateful to finally be able to see that.
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I'm grateful for "M", a counsellor my sister found at the women's resource centre. I phoned M to ask some questions about my sister's living arrangements and found M to be the most knowledgeable and helpful person I've met so far. She was interested in helping my sister but also not willing to coddle her. She wasn't like most of the other counsellors I've dealt with so far -- she was clear and direct and totally honest. In addition to all that, she said that while she will continue to help my sister as needed that I should also feel free to call her for advice, information and support in this custody issue. She also has concerns about my sister as a parent at this time and supports what I'm trying to do. So I'm thankful for M, someone who was willing to talk to my sister and see her side of things, help her as much as she could without doing it all "for" her, and still stick to her guns about doing what's best for the child. Thanks M, you've given me some more strength and confidence in my convictions - and that, I was desperately needing.
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I took the little one out this afternoon to have her eyes checked to see if she can wear contact lenses. She's shy about her glasses and thinks they don't look cool. Good news - the doctor says she can. She was thrilled. After that I took her for a haircut and she was so excited to have a new hairstyle and just loved being fussed over and feeling pretty. She is struggling with so much hard stuff right now, missing her mom and being awfully confused about what's going on. I'm so grateful that it was possible for her to have a happy afternoon that was carefree and fun in which she could just enjoy being eleven years old and focusing on nothing but her own sweet self. 
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I'm so grateful that my niece had a good first week at her new school. Grateful for her teacher who seems to be very understanding and supportive of her situation. Grateful she has classmates who have welcomed and accepted her and helped her enjoy going to school. Grateful this transition is starting off smoothly.
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Grateful for the fact that it finally seems we are moving in the right direction to protect the little girl through legal means. Grateful that the law may be on her side after all.
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I'm grateful that in spite of, or perhaps because of, all these difficulties, that the rest of my family is growing closer. I'm grateful for their love and support, and pray that the little girl will be okay.
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