In Gratitude
(((RZ))) Good to be back in the gratitude frame of mind. And grateful to be there again!
Today I am grateful for the new family doctor who was so good with my niece and who made going to the doctor a whole lot less scary than it sometimes can be.
Today I am grateful for the new family doctor who was so good with my niece and who made going to the doctor a whole lot less scary than it sometimes can be.
Thanksgiving weekend in Canada... and I am enormously thankful for many things. Thankful that my relationship with my Mum and Dad has grown so much over the last six months. Thankful that the doctors say Dad's health is good. Thankful for my loving supportive husband, and for the friendship and support of his father, stepmother, and mother. Thankful that the little girl is doing well and adjusting to her new life. Thankful for our health and for our little life here together. In gratitude for Everything.
And to you, Zip. Nutmeg and cinnamony breezes wafting in your direction this Thanksgiving because I am also thankful for you, because you remind me to appreciate what's already right in the world.
Right now my husband is upstairs having a heart to heart with our niece. While I sit here empty and lost and paralyzed. Unsure what to say or do. Not knowing what step I can take that won't bring us crashing to the ground. He's up there talking to her, almost in tears himself, explaining, rationalizing, reaching out. While I'm too tired, too empty too hollow too lost to say another word without screaming without tearing out my hair without banging my head against the wall.
Oh god. Yes.
Yes I am thankful for him.
I know it.
Without him we are lost.
I am thankful. I am so thankful for him.
Oh god. Yes.
Yes I am thankful for him.
I know it.
Without him we are lost.
I am thankful. I am so thankful for him.
Something that has really come clear for me in the last couple of months is how fortunate I am to have a family with enough financial resources to put up a good legal fight for a little girl in danger.
"Justice is blind" is what I have been told, but the reality is that if my parents weren't willing or able to pay lawyer fees, my husband and I would not be nearly as able to do what we're doing to try and help our niece. We would get a free half hour with duty counsel, the lawyers employed by the court for people who can't afford lawyers. Or, more likely, we would go into debt up to our necks. We would NOT have two people working on our case for a period of weeks and months to make sure that every single shred of evidence is properly documented and properly presented without worry for the cost.
No matter what happens, win or lose, I know we are fortunate to have been able to take our very best shot in court. My sister, god bless her psychotic little heart, isn't so fortunate. (I was going to say "lucky", but lucky isn't right. The reasons have everything to do with choice.)
It really makes me feel for all the people in the world who are in situations like ours but can't do anything about it because they are financially unable to do so. My parents are good people, and generous people who love their granddaughter enough to spend a huge chunk of their retirement on saving her. She is blessed, though she doesn't know it, and so am I.
"Justice is blind" is what I have been told, but the reality is that if my parents weren't willing or able to pay lawyer fees, my husband and I would not be nearly as able to do what we're doing to try and help our niece. We would get a free half hour with duty counsel, the lawyers employed by the court for people who can't afford lawyers. Or, more likely, we would go into debt up to our necks. We would NOT have two people working on our case for a period of weeks and months to make sure that every single shred of evidence is properly documented and properly presented without worry for the cost.
No matter what happens, win or lose, I know we are fortunate to have been able to take our very best shot in court. My sister, god bless her psychotic little heart, isn't so fortunate. (I was going to say "lucky", but lucky isn't right. The reasons have everything to do with choice.)
It really makes me feel for all the people in the world who are in situations like ours but can't do anything about it because they are financially unable to do so. My parents are good people, and generous people who love their granddaughter enough to spend a huge chunk of their retirement on saving her. She is blessed, though she doesn't know it, and so am I.
I am grateful for the stories and experiences of others which help me to understand and accept my feelings. Sometimes I have felt guilty or ashamed of myself for being angry, resentful, and bitter toward my addict. Having had others share their similar stories and similar feelings help me to accept my own as normal. And doing that helps me work through those feelings to a better place.
RZ, I wish you the happiest of holidays and all good things in the upcoming New Year. You've meant a lot to me in '08 in your quiet and warm and supportive ways. Here's to '09 being a good year for us all. (((RZ)))
Grateful my sister is trying treatment again and hoping for something better for her.
Grateful - as always - for the SR friends who've been so much help.
Grateful my parents are so supportive.
Grateful my husband is so wonderful.
Grateful my niece is growing into who she wants to be.
Grateful - as always - for the SR friends who've been so much help.
Grateful my parents are so supportive.
Grateful my husband is so wonderful.
Grateful my niece is growing into who she wants to be.
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