Kim2002

My sister has had psychological issues all her life but for the past 4.5 years it has been really tough. She is out of control all the time. It is now at the point that her husband does not want her in the house any more and her kids are terrified of her. I have one older sister and none of us live in the same country. She calls me constantly threatening suicide and just screaming, crying, being abusive and just generally horrible. I’m a very soft person. She will not call my older sister as she does not get the reaction she wants from her. She refuses to get help. I beg her. Over the last few weeks it’s gotten even worse. She has ran away from home. Met up with strangers. Drank lots, took handfuls of benzos and smoked meth. She seems to keep me involved in every aspect of her misery. It has gotten to the point where my my life is no longer my own. It’s been spiraling for a while. I see a therapist and last night had a missive row with her. She emotionally blackmails me constantly. My husband and kids have had enough. Im constantly overly anxious, having panic attacks and crying. Last night I blocked her number. I can’t deal with it. But she says I’m the only person she has to talk to. The guilt and anxiety I feel is out of control. I love her but she is toxic. I can’t continue like this but I’m afraid she will kill herself and it will be my fault
I am a recovering alcoholic and have been sober for just over 4.5 years. I used this website for my road of recovery. Could not log in under my original username as I could not remember the password or the email I used originally. Does anyone have any suggestions. Thanks in advance.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Kim

I was in a different but similar situation with a former partner who who'd try and inveigle me every. single. day. in her problems and drama. She said I was the only person she had to talk to as well, but I blocked her number and email...and lo and behold she found someone else to talk to.

D

Kim2002

She has no friends and her own husband and kids don’t want her around. She lives a very isolated life. I guess that’s why she says I’m the only one she has to talk to. Thank you so much for your response. It makes sense but I don’t know if another person is there for her. I guess that is why I feel stuck

trailmix

Someone said a very similar thing in the Friends and Family forum a week or so ago. Their ex (alcoholic) had said, you are the only person I have to talk to. I replied because no one else wants to listen anymore.

I know that sounds harsh but that's the truth of it. People can only listen to this kind of thing for so long. Ideally she would be talking in a support group, therapy or some other supportive situation, where she might get help. But, she obviously doesn't want that help or isn't ready for it.

That support can't be you, you know? There is a saying that you don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, which is really the case here. It's affecting you emotionally and mentally and in the rest of your life, that can't continue really.

If you stop talking to her for a while, and she (god forbid) did kill herself, that's not your fault. At the end of the day she is an adult and although her thoughts are skewed, she is making her own decisions, regardless of your input. I'm sure you in no way encouraged her to drink lots, take benzos and smoke meth, true? But she did it anyway, so truthfully, how is your listening to her, talking to her, actually helping?

You might be a sounding board for her. At LEAST her sister is still talking to her, she can't be all that bad right? Well yes she is, she is far in to her addiction.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it. The 3 c's.

I would personally take a long break from talking to her, I would just tell her it upsets you too much and perhaps you can speak again when she is more stable (ie: not a conversation to be had, just you informing her). Maybe you could plan to talk once a month IF you want to, no need to feel guilty if you don't.

Boundaries are so very important. There is a book often recommended here, co-dependent no more by Melody Beattie. It has a lot of information about boundaries and is not a long drawn out book (like this post is becoming!), you might find it helpful.

Kim2002

Thank you so much for your response. It makes so much sense. It really spoke to me. So many true remarks and made an impact. Thank you 🙏