Meth addict
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Join Date: Dec 2020
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Meth addict
Hello, I’m new to this group and I thought I’d give it a try to reach out for some answers. So please, any advice/info would be greatly appreciated.
I’m pretty positive my boyfriend is still secretly doing meth. A couple months back he had accidentally left it in his cigarette pack before leaving for work and left it on the table. I obviously found it and confronted him, he said it was fake and you can make it in prison. (He’s a CO). We’ve talked he’s came clean about it which was super hard for him, I’ve been here to support him every way I can. I just asked for honesty and communication from him. He’s went to “get help” and wouldn’t see a therapist but went to the doctors and he was out on a few things for depression/anxiety. Anyway, just recently I’ve noticed he’s been spending longer periods of time in the bathroom, like I talking 1 hr- 1 1/2. He used to hide his stuff in his cig pack and now idk where he put them, he’s told me he’s clean but I find the black dirty q-tips jammed into his cig packs again deep in the trash. He’s up until 3-4 in the mornings again. I haven’t found any cut up half pieces of straw yet like usual. Just the packs. I’ve found the pipe months ago but he had a friend that used and apparently he had left it there a while back. I don’t know where to go from here? Can anyone confirm or explain what to look for because I can’t tell when he uses. He’s not an everyday user he just dabbles so it’s very difficult to suspect.
I’m pretty positive my boyfriend is still secretly doing meth. A couple months back he had accidentally left it in his cigarette pack before leaving for work and left it on the table. I obviously found it and confronted him, he said it was fake and you can make it in prison. (He’s a CO). We’ve talked he’s came clean about it which was super hard for him, I’ve been here to support him every way I can. I just asked for honesty and communication from him. He’s went to “get help” and wouldn’t see a therapist but went to the doctors and he was out on a few things for depression/anxiety. Anyway, just recently I’ve noticed he’s been spending longer periods of time in the bathroom, like I talking 1 hr- 1 1/2. He used to hide his stuff in his cig pack and now idk where he put them, he’s told me he’s clean but I find the black dirty q-tips jammed into his cig packs again deep in the trash. He’s up until 3-4 in the mornings again. I haven’t found any cut up half pieces of straw yet like usual. Just the packs. I’ve found the pipe months ago but he had a friend that used and apparently he had left it there a while back. I don’t know where to go from here? Can anyone confirm or explain what to look for because I can’t tell when he uses. He’s not an everyday user he just dabbles so it’s very difficult to suspect.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Hi gonzalez and welcome.
Believe what you see and what you know. You are not wrong.
He is using. His friend left his pipe there months ago? Seriously? I guess one good thing is he's not very good at making up stories. You found the qtips (pipe cleaning?) in the garbage, you saw these with your own eyes.
Quitting drugs of any type is tough, really tough and his lack of support, well, reaching out for support is a big red flag. You can google signs of meth use, but how much more proof do you need?
What are your boundaries about him using drugs around you?
Believe what you see and what you know. You are not wrong.
He is using. His friend left his pipe there months ago? Seriously? I guess one good thing is he's not very good at making up stories. You found the qtips (pipe cleaning?) in the garbage, you saw these with your own eyes.
Quitting drugs of any type is tough, really tough and his lack of support, well, reaching out for support is a big red flag. You can google signs of meth use, but how much more proof do you need?
What are your boundaries about him using drugs around you?
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Join Date: Dec 2020
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He says all the right things, and we talked about it today because I came to him about taking a drug test.. which he agreed to without hesitation. He said he’s not using, and if he was he’d come to me because the cats already out of the bag now so he has no issue with telling me.
My mother was a drug addict, I was taken away from her at birth and I was a what you call a “crack baby” when I was born. I don’t have any connection with my mother and I blame her and the drugs for that. So it stems very deep with my family history. He’s a good guy and I know he’s trying to stop but lying to me to make me feel better is not the way. It just makes me second guess everything I see, he does/says. We agreed to go to counseling together to work on the best solution. He wants to get better but I know he didn’t just stop meth cold turkey like he says.. which is completely understandable, I just want honesty and I know he’s just trying to act like he’s got it under control but I know deep down he has a problem. I’m just constantly fighting myself on whether he’s lying or being truthful and that is going to be the death of us.
My mother was a drug addict, I was taken away from her at birth and I was a what you call a “crack baby” when I was born. I don’t have any connection with my mother and I blame her and the drugs for that. So it stems very deep with my family history. He’s a good guy and I know he’s trying to stop but lying to me to make me feel better is not the way. It just makes me second guess everything I see, he does/says. We agreed to go to counseling together to work on the best solution. He wants to get better but I know he didn’t just stop meth cold turkey like he says.. which is completely understandable, I just want honesty and I know he’s just trying to act like he’s got it under control but I know deep down he has a problem. I’m just constantly fighting myself on whether he’s lying or being truthful and that is going to be the death of us.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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He is hiding something. The qtips in a cigarette pack stuffed way down in the garbage. That's not normal, that doesn't happen (except when drugs are being used).
Did you ask him why he spends so long in the bathroom, why he is up in the middle of the night?
Drug testing might be tricky if he's not using all the time, if he hadn't used for say, a week, who knows if it would be positive. Was he even a casual user? Did the drug use pick up and that's when you spotted things originally? Has he now just become more secretive? You said you spotted the straws originally, was that something you discussed with him, if so he may be well aware he needs to keep those out of the house.
Addicts lie to cover their drug use, that's a fact in many cases. Maybe next time he is in the bathroom for an hour and a half! You can ask him to go for a drug test the next day?
You are right, without trust about this it will damage your relationship, probably completely. But even though he says all the right things, remember, you know what you know and the black qtips didn't miraculously appear, stuffed down in the garbage, without his assistance.
Aside from his erratic sleep - does he get inexplicably moody? Are his pupils dilated even when there is good light around? Is he paranoid? Hyperactive? What else have you noticed that's different, if anything?
Did you ask him why he spends so long in the bathroom, why he is up in the middle of the night?
Drug testing might be tricky if he's not using all the time, if he hadn't used for say, a week, who knows if it would be positive. Was he even a casual user? Did the drug use pick up and that's when you spotted things originally? Has he now just become more secretive? You said you spotted the straws originally, was that something you discussed with him, if so he may be well aware he needs to keep those out of the house.
Addicts lie to cover their drug use, that's a fact in many cases. Maybe next time he is in the bathroom for an hour and a half! You can ask him to go for a drug test the next day?
You are right, without trust about this it will damage your relationship, probably completely. But even though he says all the right things, remember, you know what you know and the black qtips didn't miraculously appear, stuffed down in the garbage, without his assistance.
Aside from his erratic sleep - does he get inexplicably moody? Are his pupils dilated even when there is good light around? Is he paranoid? Hyperactive? What else have you noticed that's different, if anything?
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Join Date: Dec 2020
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I’ve come to realize he has an alter ego, and I’ve seen Caleb and then I see this person I don’t know. Someone who’s easy to snap and very distant also moody. That’s when we argue the most. I asked him about the q tips and he said he uses them for many things (mostly to clean his guitars). Anything I’ve found recently he said was old. I did buy an 7 diff drug test for when I get suspicious. I’ve tried to talk but he said I’m not the easiest to talk to ( I can’t understand and be compassionate when I’m constantly being lied to)
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Do not concern yourself with what he says. Only what you see. I would advise against becoming his probation officer- falling into the trap of weekly, or monthly drug tests. I've been there, and I can tell you- it will destroy you. Addicts will deny positive tests, and they'll have seemingly good reasons to do so. But we know what we know. You don't mention if there are children involved, but if so, tread very carefully. CPS comes down very harshly on parents they view as "failing to protect" their children.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Originally Posted by Gonzalez 
I’ve come to realize he has an alter ego, and I’ve seen Caleb and then I see this person I don’t know. Someone who’s easy to snap and very distant also moody. That’s when we argue the most. I asked him about the q tips and he said he uses them for many things (mostly to clean his guitars). Anything I’ve found recently he said was old. I did buy an 7 diff drug test for when I get suspicious. I’ve tried to talk but he said I’m not the easiest to talk to ( I can’t understand and be compassionate when I’m constantly being lied to)
Hi "mood" fits the description of someone without their drug.
If you have decided to use a drug test, you need to decide now, beforehand, what you will do with that information. Is that a deal breaker? Is that the end of the relationship? Or if he says it's not correct, what then?
Only you can decide where all this is going. If you get a positive back are you expecting a confession? Don't count on it. But for arguments sake, let's say that's what happens, what then? He breaks down and confesses and all is forgiven? Perhaps he'll promise to get treatment?
If he is using he has a choice, confess and perhaps you walk out or keep hiding it and get to keep using.
Always remember though, this is about you really and what you will put up with. I use qtips to clean things too, like my keyboard and yes they get dust and dirt on them. It has never occurred to me to stuff them in to something else and bury them at the bottom of the garbage.
Maybe take the qtip for a drug test!
All that aside, i'm not a proponent of policing anyone, but I do realize what a quandary you are in. Just, again, make a decision what you will do with that information.
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