Fiance left me for drugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 8
Fiance left me for drugs
We had been together 2.5 years, engaged and he moved from his home town 1 hour away to move in with me and my 11 year old twins.. at first things were great if course and then the addict behaviours started to show..I had said from the start he was an ex user but ok now (his words)
I am a drugs and alcohol counseller do I guess I had more patience and understanding than his exes..a year into him living here I asked him to move out.. he rents a room in a house down the road. I asked him to go because je was constantly criticising and being bossy to my 11 year old twins and upsetting them, he stole money from my bank, all if my food shopping money in fact.. he stole my children's money boxes and told me I had probably thrown them away by accident when I was decorating. He would steal food from my home and deny it. His moods would fluctuate dramatically and sometimes he could go from happy to furious in seconds over very small things and there was no talking to him. I always found empty coke wraps in his wallet and he always denied how they got there and he even used my car to pick up drugs.
he went through 6 different jobs in 2 years, sacked every time for stealing goods (he's an electrician engineer so the goods were expensive)
he would often say he's coming over then go on a binge and switch his phone off for 2 days then I would get a text saying it was over
Thata what's happened this time. He has been doing online AA meetings, only a few a week to please me I'm sure. But Wednesday he did one and it often triggers him. He then kept texting saying he Will be over soon and called to say be there in 15 minutes. He didnt turn up and switched his phone off. Thursday am I woke up to a text around 3am saying "sorry about tonight baby I love you do so much but i can't do this to you anymore I'm not in the right place"
we hadn't argued, in fact we were getting on really well anwere had promised new year new start etc...I tried to ask him over and over what he meant but he didn't reply. Friday I ended up in hospital with a huge panic attack. I have heart failure so I have to be very careful with stress. I text him and he eventually called me...instead of asking how I was he shouted "did you give the police my f'ing address!" Turns out the police knocked on the door at his rented room with a warrant for his arrest and failure to attend court. He was arrested 4 months into our relationship for stealing goods and selling them on at cash convertors. He did this frequently but one company went to the police.
I started to cry on the phone then he was all nice like calm down baby calm down and then i asked again why he had finsihed with me.and he said because I was a control freak and complained that night that he was coming round later than expected. In the end he hung up.
I had a text saturday am, asking how I was and I said not good...I said I wanted to talk things over and he got mad again saying this is the last message and he's blocking me and he did. He blocked me on whats app only.
I ended up back in hospital yesterday on a heart monitor as my heart rate wouldn't come back down due to stress so I sent him a normal sms text message. It said delivered so I know he hasn't blocked me entirely. But he didn't reply. I was admitted overnight and he knew that but didn't even check to see how i was. So I'm guessing that's it now. I have deleted all his numbers etc and have since found out he tried to get money from my adults daughters, presumably for drugs and he had asked neighbours for money loans too when i was out.
I am heartbroken but trying to he strong Hes ended it a few times like that but never blocked me before so I don't think he will be in contact again even though he always said he couldn't ever live without me. I know being with him as he is just isnt an option.. he doesn't want recovery enough and constantly lies and steals. I just keep thinking of the good times and I miss him so much. He only lives down the road so I could go there but I won't. I just.cant take any more rejection. What do I do? Just hope he doesn't contact me and move on? He has NOBODY except me. His family all disowned him, his kids hardly bother with him due to his past and he has no friends here. And he may even go to prison and I would never know which breaks my heart x
I am a drugs and alcohol counseller do I guess I had more patience and understanding than his exes..a year into him living here I asked him to move out.. he rents a room in a house down the road. I asked him to go because je was constantly criticising and being bossy to my 11 year old twins and upsetting them, he stole money from my bank, all if my food shopping money in fact.. he stole my children's money boxes and told me I had probably thrown them away by accident when I was decorating. He would steal food from my home and deny it. His moods would fluctuate dramatically and sometimes he could go from happy to furious in seconds over very small things and there was no talking to him. I always found empty coke wraps in his wallet and he always denied how they got there and he even used my car to pick up drugs.
he went through 6 different jobs in 2 years, sacked every time for stealing goods (he's an electrician engineer so the goods were expensive)
he would often say he's coming over then go on a binge and switch his phone off for 2 days then I would get a text saying it was over
Thata what's happened this time. He has been doing online AA meetings, only a few a week to please me I'm sure. But Wednesday he did one and it often triggers him. He then kept texting saying he Will be over soon and called to say be there in 15 minutes. He didnt turn up and switched his phone off. Thursday am I woke up to a text around 3am saying "sorry about tonight baby I love you do so much but i can't do this to you anymore I'm not in the right place"
we hadn't argued, in fact we were getting on really well anwere had promised new year new start etc...I tried to ask him over and over what he meant but he didn't reply. Friday I ended up in hospital with a huge panic attack. I have heart failure so I have to be very careful with stress. I text him and he eventually called me...instead of asking how I was he shouted "did you give the police my f'ing address!" Turns out the police knocked on the door at his rented room with a warrant for his arrest and failure to attend court. He was arrested 4 months into our relationship for stealing goods and selling them on at cash convertors. He did this frequently but one company went to the police.
I started to cry on the phone then he was all nice like calm down baby calm down and then i asked again why he had finsihed with me.and he said because I was a control freak and complained that night that he was coming round later than expected. In the end he hung up.
I had a text saturday am, asking how I was and I said not good...I said I wanted to talk things over and he got mad again saying this is the last message and he's blocking me and he did. He blocked me on whats app only.
I ended up back in hospital yesterday on a heart monitor as my heart rate wouldn't come back down due to stress so I sent him a normal sms text message. It said delivered so I know he hasn't blocked me entirely. But he didn't reply. I was admitted overnight and he knew that but didn't even check to see how i was. So I'm guessing that's it now. I have deleted all his numbers etc and have since found out he tried to get money from my adults daughters, presumably for drugs and he had asked neighbours for money loans too when i was out.
I am heartbroken but trying to he strong Hes ended it a few times like that but never blocked me before so I don't think he will be in contact again even though he always said he couldn't ever live without me. I know being with him as he is just isnt an option.. he doesn't want recovery enough and constantly lies and steals. I just keep thinking of the good times and I miss him so much. He only lives down the road so I could go there but I won't. I just.cant take any more rejection. What do I do? Just hope he doesn't contact me and move on? He has NOBODY except me. His family all disowned him, his kids hardly bother with him due to his past and he has no friends here. And he may even go to prison and I would never know which breaks my heart x
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am a drugs and alcohol counseller do I guess I had more patience and understanding than his exes..a year into him living here I asked him to move out.. he rents a room in a house down the road. I asked him to go because je was constantly criticising and being bossy to my 11 year old twins and upsetting them, he stole money from my bank, all if my food shopping money in fact.. he stole my children's money boxes and told me I had probably thrown them away by accident when I was decorating. He would steal food from my home and deny it
You all deserve a better life than one filled with addiction.
For the sake of your children, please find a better path for yourself.
He will or will not get clean no matter what you do or don't do. He is
responsible for himself and his actions, it's all on him.
If there are Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA meetings in your area, it may
be a good idea to try a few and seel if the support doesn't help you find a healthier way
to live.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 8
Thank you. I went to his house at 4pm today to be told by another tenant that he was arrested for not appearing at court to answer a charge for theft from his old company and also for not attending court and giving a false address. He didn't call me yet called his landlord to tell him to empty his room full of drugs. His housemate said the landlord turned up and frantically took bags and bags of drugs from his room. She thinks he's been running ot worse still, dealing. I am heartbroken he didn't call me. He is still in jail waiting for a court appearance tomorrow or in the next few days. All.i can think is he is lonely and scared. I just want him to get free and call me even though I know he's no good for me..he may go to prison and id never even know..but what you say is right..I just need to stop loving him and move on
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
