kdperry4

hi all. I'm fairly new here. i'm writing because i'm concerned about whether or not this is worth it anymore. my boyfriend is a recovering addict. he abused benzos and opiates. but I'm afraid that he's sort of a dry drunk. like, he's sober, but it doesn't seem like he's taking his sobriety seriously. he gambles, he drinks occasionally, and he is still very obsessed with drugs and is constantly talking about them. it's so frustrating. like what is the point of getting clean if you're just going to continue the same habits that lead you to using? I love him a lot, but I don't want this to be my life. i'm constantly worrying about whether or not he is going to use again. the lucky part for me is that we're are still very early on in our relationship. we're not married, and we don't have kids. and as much as I can see us totally taking our relationship to the next level, it's absolutely terrifying when he doesn't seem to value his own security.
I don't really have much of a question here. I just needed to vent. if anyone has any words they'd like to share, i'm totally open to listening. thanks for reading.

trailmix

Hi kdp, glad you found SR, lots of support for you here.

What you said above, I think it's important to consider that, should you decide to stay in this relationship, this will be your life with him. We all can be in a place where we "hope" the person will change or see so much "potential" for them, if they would just quit the drug and get in to some sort of recovery etc etc.

Unfortunately it may or not may work out that way and only you can decide if you are willing to take that gamble (it's a big one!!).

If he has in fact quit the drugs he was using (alcohol is still a drug, that may be next), he is not in any kind of recovery. Quitting a drug is one thing, getting help, whether that is in rehab, through AA meetings or something like that, or therapy, that is another completely different thing, that is the beginning of recovery.

Bute

Hi KD
I can only share my experiences with my son, not a partner.
My own son used alcohol, benzos then heroin was his drug of choice.
He creates chaos and mayhem wherever he goes, and always ends up using. He has never managed to stay clean for any lengthy period.
I would advise any female to give him a very wide berth and not involve themselves with him. He is nowhere near relationship material.
It certainly doesn't sound like your bf is in true recovery.
Are you willing to take the risk of having your life turned upside down by his addictions? That's what you have to ask yourself. Life is for living, not to be sitting waiting and wondering if the sh*t is going to hit the fan, then having to deal with the fallout. It is no life for anyone in my honest opinion. We can love a person, however, addiction doesn't concern itself with love.
Think of your own needs, dreams for your future etc.
Much Love
Bute x