Addict BF broke up with me because he loves me....what?
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 15
Addict BF broke up with me because he loves me....what?
Hi,
Long story short my ex of over 3 years is an addict who quit drinking over 2 years ago but kept smoking pot, taking ritalin with pot, and whatever else...When totally clean (3 weeks on, 3 weeks off, and so on) we were the greatest couple but when he'd relapse on pot he'd turn into an unemotional uneliable person. He would smoke pot literally 24/7 day in and day out. We broke up a few times this year because I couldn't handle the Jeckyl and Hyde. 3 weeks ago he admitted that he realized he will probably always be on and off with drugs until he finally kicks it like he did with the booze and can't stand hurting me anymore while he keeps trying. He says he loves me more than anyone and credits me with saving his life with alcohol. He broke up saying he has to break up for good to end this cycle in order to save me because his head and life in general is just too messed up to be any good for me and I deserve better. Could there be any truth this? Can an addict actually care about others enough to do the right thing by them or is he full of ****?
Long story short my ex of over 3 years is an addict who quit drinking over 2 years ago but kept smoking pot, taking ritalin with pot, and whatever else...When totally clean (3 weeks on, 3 weeks off, and so on) we were the greatest couple but when he'd relapse on pot he'd turn into an unemotional uneliable person. He would smoke pot literally 24/7 day in and day out. We broke up a few times this year because I couldn't handle the Jeckyl and Hyde. 3 weeks ago he admitted that he realized he will probably always be on and off with drugs until he finally kicks it like he did with the booze and can't stand hurting me anymore while he keeps trying. He says he loves me more than anyone and credits me with saving his life with alcohol. He broke up saying he has to break up for good to end this cycle in order to save me because his head and life in general is just too messed up to be any good for me and I deserve better. Could there be any truth this? Can an addict actually care about others enough to do the right thing by them or is he full of ****?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Bella-----I don't think that we can ever be completely sure of what is in another person's heart and mind. And, of course, there are so many differences among individuals. No two people are exactly alike.
This is the way that I look at it---------I do think that some people (addicts) do have some awareness that they hurt other people---and,I think that is one reason why there is sooo much shame and guilt among addicts.
I, also, think, that knowing how much their significant others want them to abstain, is a heavy weight on them----and, I am guessing, feels like an overwhelming responsibility, for them----especially if they don't want to give up the drug(s) of choice. Maybe, it is easier to leave a situation where they feel that they can never live up to the demands.
While I know that this is painful for you, right now----I do believe that when another person doesn't want to be with you (Regatdless of the reason)....by definition, this isn't the person for you. Better to cry, grieve, heal.....and move on to more noutishing relationship......No?
This is the way that I look at it---------I do think that some people (addicts) do have some awareness that they hurt other people---and,I think that is one reason why there is sooo much shame and guilt among addicts.
I, also, think, that knowing how much their significant others want them to abstain, is a heavy weight on them----and, I am guessing, feels like an overwhelming responsibility, for them----especially if they don't want to give up the drug(s) of choice. Maybe, it is easier to leave a situation where they feel that they can never live up to the demands.
While I know that this is painful for you, right now----I do believe that when another person doesn't want to be with you (Regatdless of the reason)....by definition, this isn't the person for you. Better to cry, grieve, heal.....and move on to more noutishing relationship......No?
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 15
Thank you. I'm trying to move on as I agree in my head that this is for the best, but my heart is aching every day. I am doing the no contact rule for awhile and was planning to text him in January but now I'm thinking what's the point.
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