OT4Kids

Hello dear friends. Well, I left a horrible relationship for a less bad one. Problem was, I never healed. Turns out I am codependent and really addicted to being in a relationship. I lived with new boyfriend (who was my first boyfriend when I was 15) for 15 months, and 11 days ago he moved halfway across the country permanently. So, now I am barely functioning. I am terrified of being alone. I am so anxious although I am on antidepressants and take an anti anxiety med to sleep. How can I survive being alone? I hope you are all doing well. Hugs and prayers to everyone!

trailmix

Hi OT, sorry for what brings you here, but good to see you.

Did you ever read Codependent no more? I would really recommend that you seek it out and if you have a copy, perhaps re-read it.

I'm sorry you are terrified of being alone but you are the only one that can fix that. Have you narrowed down at all why that is? What scares you about it?

You will survive, and vastly improve how you feel, once you start relying on yourself.

Bubovski

Sorry to hear that and hope the meds help somewhat.
My half sister was very co dependant on our mother.
It can cause alot of bother to the one being led.
Have you seen a specialist regards this condition?

OT4Kids

I have read Codependent No More but need to read it again. I was seeing a therapist but since my boyfriend moved out I am short on money as he did contribute some to the household. I am really struggling being alone. When does it get easier?

hopeful4

Hello!
I promise that you will survive just fine being alone. Are you in any kind of counseling or support? If not, go! Alanon, Celebrate Recovery, whatever works for you. And a good counselor makes all the difference!

SparkleKitty

OT, you are going to get through this. You have survived a lot worse!

For the codependent, being alone can feel so overwhelming. I remember feeling like I would not survive. I had to face it the way an alcoholic faces their own recovery: one day at a time. Self-esteem, and the ability to love oneself and enjoy one's own company, is built through small, every day esteemable actions, self care, and by sharing the company of the people who love you for exactly who you already are. I was very grateful for therapy to help me through the hardest times, but the real work is done outside the therapist's office: making good healthy choices for your mind, body, heart and soul, instead of the ones that feel safer or more familiar.

Ann

Please give yourself time to adapt to being on your own, I am not going to say "alone" because you can be with other people, meetings are a great place to start. Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) was my home group and I learned I was not just codependent with my son, but had been with my family relationships most of my life. Who knew?

I learned to embrace solitude without feeling "alone", I could be very happy by myself and took up hobby nature photography to keep me from isolating and staying inside. It was a wonderful learning process that took my son disappearing before I would realize that "I" was the one needing help. He had to make his own choices about himself, however bad those choices may be.

Your heart hurts right now but I promise you that if you make time to take care of yourself, learn to love your own company and enjoy the company of others without a need to find a serious relationship, you will be so much happier very soon and for the rest of your life.

Hugs