Drug addicts mother asked him if he's using again...do I let her know the truth or not? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 07-29-2019, 02:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Drug addicts mother asked him if he's using again...do I let her know the truth or not?


Since we still live together but are officially over (which living under the same roof is HELL) I over heard him speaking with his mother. She was asking if he's using again because she has a gut feeling that he is. He told her no, that's he's sober and not using. His parents are aware of his drug use in the past and know he has issues. But she doesn't know about now....do I let her know the truth? Or do I leave it alone and let them figure it out on their own?

This also tells me that he's using another excuse to why we broke up....
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Old 07-29-2019, 03:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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i had a dog-a beagle. awesome dog.
he came home one day with porcupine quills stuck all over his face.
2 months later, he came home in the same condition.
3 weeks later,once again.
apparently that last time he "got it:"
if he doesnt stick his nose where it doesnt belong, he wont get hurt and no drama and chaos insues.
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Old 07-30-2019, 09:57 AM   #3 (permalink)
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If they ask you directly, I would tell the truth. If not, I would leave it alone. That is just my two cents.

Sounds like she knows it anyways.....

The truth will be revealed...
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Old 08-01-2019, 12:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I agree with the above.

The recovery adage MYOB (mind your own business) applies.

On the one hand I think we all get a little anxious when we see our addict lying to others, and maybe we even wish others would tell us when our addict is doing something we suspect but don't know about.

But, in the end, when others have "warned" me about my addict, it didn't really help. It might have made me angry, or verified what I suspected, but what eventually helped is just me learning what my boundaries should be and enforcing them.

The only reason in the past that I have wanted verification that my addict was using again is that I wanted an explanation of crazy behavior and the hope that if I knew what was going on, somehow I could control it. There is no controlling addiction.

So, as others mentioned, your addict's mother probably suspects, but verification doesn't help. What helps is her just getting to the place where she treats him like an adult in all aspects of his life so he has the opportunity to start acting like one if he wants to.

Just my two cents. Best wishes as you work through all this.
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Old 08-02-2019, 06:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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As the mother of an addicted adult son, I liked to know the truth but most times I already knew just by his attitude and actions.

My deal with anyone was that I won't seek out anyone to discuss his "condition" but if asked, I will always tell the truth. If that was uncomfortable for me, I would suggest they ask him directly...that was an "answer" too.

We don't have to be the addiction police, we know what we know and don't need proof.

Mother's have good instinct. That's enough.

Good luck dear.
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