OpheliaKatz

Ann, thank you for responding. I got excited when I googled CoDA and discovered that there was a meeting in my city, but then disappointed to discover that it was hours away from where I live and during my working hours. So I guess I just have SR for now... unless I find someone else. I've been through a number of therapists. I'm still "shopping". I don't know if that is good or bad. One was an addiction specialist therapist and told me that I didn't need SR because I had to stop thinking about co-dependence or addiction since none of those categories fit me. I don't know what to think now. The only thing I am sure of is that I can't kick him out of my head because when I fall asleep, he shows up and trashes my brain. I wake up exhausted, grumpy, and depressed. For various reasons, I am not a candidate for anti-depressants but I have been taking St. John's Wort, which helps as long as I don't get too used to it.

After a number of years, it started to feel like my ex was my child. I'm not sure if you know what I mean, but the level of dependence and the way I felt I had to interact with him in order to keep him from doing anything... histrionic... was, well, it was like he never grew up. I started to resent it. I kept telling him, "I don't want to do this anymore." I think it's difficult if the addict IS your child. It's different. It's difficult. I am grateful for certain things and one of those things is that he was not my parent, sibling, or child. On the other hand, this was someone who had promised to build a life with me, with whom I had made sacrifices in order to build a life.