tomsteve

All these failings generate fear, a soul-sickness in its own right.


"Fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there." I
don't know to whom this quote should be attributed, but it certainly
indicates clearly that fear is an illusion. I create the illusion myself.
I experienced fear early in my life and I mistakenly thought that the
mere presence of it made me a coward. I didn't know that one of the
definitions of "courage" is "the willingness to do the right thing in
spite of fear." Courage, then, is not necessarily the absence of fear.

Missmac37

Absolutely and so well put. It’s been fear that’s held me back for so long!! I kept taking him back as sometimes we have great days when I can forget everything and he’s clean. They never last though and I can’t rely on him for anything. You can’t plan or do anything as you never know what’s round the corner and it’s no way to live.
I kept doubting myself that I was wrong and giving up on someone but that person hasn’t even thought what’s good for me. Never will. The very nature of addiction is so selfish and it shows in every are of his life unless he wants something. It’s been a few days now and I’m still so sure and confident I have made the right choice and still feel content, the knot in my stomach is not as noticeable.

teatreeoil007

I'm glad that knot in your stomach is about dissipated, MisMac. You can usually trust your gut. Sometimes we don't know what to do or what not to do....it's just not clear. It could go either way. We doubt ourselves and we question our own decision making processes/skills. What has helped me in dealing with fear is ask myself what I am most afraid of. Am I afraid of certain outcomes? Am I afraid of conflict? Am I afraid of the future? Am I afraid of what people will think of me? Am I afraid of losing something? You can see where I'm going with this. So, that brings me back around to trying to envision what sort of outcome I want to bring about for myself. What is it I really want? What do I really need? If I can explore and answer some of these questions, it helps me to come up with the next right thing to do.

PuzzledHeart

To me, that's just another sign that he's not truly in recovery.

Your guy's lack of comprehension to me is like someone someone stabbing you in the heart. He may have stopped stabbing you, but for him to demand that you stop hurting is a ridiculous and unrealistic demand.

Missmac37

Well if I was ever in doubt I made the right choice, tonight his friend called me asking if I heard from him as he was drinking in town and stormed away from him a drunken rage with no means of getting home.
I ignored this as I refuse to be drawn into any of this anymore and he then messaged to tell me it was ok he’s back at his house with more wine.
Ex is someone who is a very bad drunk and to be spending a weekday getting drunk in a park and then drinking all night long just sums up how pathetic he is.
Just a loser who now thinks he’s got the perfect excuse to get as wasted as he likes because he’s “lost it all”

Hechosedrugs

It doesn't matter that your job requires background checks. Even if you were jobless and homeless, your freedom is priceless. It's too much to lose.

I'm glad he gave you another sign that you're making the right choice in leaving him. I think your interpretation of the situation is spot-on- he now thinks he has the perfect excuse to get wasted.

He's shown you he is an investment that's not worth the risk. Invest in yourself.

Good luck to you and stay strong

Hechosedrugs

Sorry, I think I might have gotten your post mixed up with another. Either way, you're on the right track and kudos to you

Missmac37

Thankyou I think the threads really similar in situation and I agree with your response thanks