HurricaneJ

I went online about 2 weeks ago to see that my addict was tagged in a facebook post by his heroin addict brother & a bunch of other people he used to use with before he went to jail. My heart sank. I thought he’d been using again but that confirmed it.

I responded to it by focusing on me: I’ve been going to the gym, enjoying my job, I’ve been looking for a new apartment, I even got myself some new clothes. I’ve been trying to let go of him.

But then his mom texted me about something on Friday. I was also contacted by someone else I had been talking with while getting him into treatment last year. It was all too much. Today I just kind of fell apart. I’m just so sad this has happened.

I haven’t reached out to him. I have nothing to say to him, I’m so disappointed.

Is relapse really part of the recovery process? Has anyone else been through this? Do they ever come back around?

AnvilheadII

relapse is part of yet untreated addiction. it is not a part of recovery, nor is it necessary to make recovery better. not everyone "gets" it right the first time.......not everyone gets is the 20th time........some never get it.

it is what it is. mentally wish him well and keep your focus on back on taking care of your very best self.

HurricaneJ

Ok, obviously if I could do that I wouldn’t be posting on here. It’s a lot harder than just “mentally wishing someone well” after an 8 year friendship/ relationship and seeing many months of solid recovery.

AnvilheadII

sorry my reply wasn't satisfactory.

Ann

I think you were very much on the right track...but there will be pain, a lot of pain, before this is over.

Sadness for what was, regret for what might have been, wishing and hoping that somehow this is all a bad dream and you will wake up.

It's okay to grieve our loss, it's healthy to grieve your loss. To expect that there will be no pain is to stuff it down deep where it will one day resurface to hurt you some more.

Acknowledge what is, accept what cannot be and take action to keep moving forward and taking care of yourself...because that is the healthiest option here.

That's pretty much what Anvilhead said, she's got a good way with words...it doesn't take her many to get to the point. If you are wise you will admire that and be glad that she cares enough to respond to your post. We all care, we all understand your pain and most of all we are all walking with you as you go through this difficult time.

Hugs

hopeful4

To put it in perspective for you, I have had to wish my X who is addicted to alcohol and Rx drugs well, after being married for 15 years and together for 18 years. Yes, you come to a place that you realize you cannot change them, you cannot make them want to be well, and you cannot do it for them. I will also mention that he had a solid year of no using after rehab, so it was quite a shock to realize he was not "fixed."

Having to love someone from afar because a relationship with them is simply too toxic is absolutely OK. It does not mean you care for them any less, it simply means their lifestyle is too toxic for you, and if you are not careful, they take you spinning down with them.

When I first came her I left after a while b/c I could not understand why everyone wanted me to focus on ME? I wanted answers on how to make this better. Now, I completely get it. It took a lot of education about addiction, counseling, Celebrate Recovery, and the help of the fine people here at SR to make it all come together.