PuzzledHeart

No advice (I'd just be repeating what everybody else has said). Just hugs.

nonnie6

Thank you all again...my home has been peaceful for the past couple of days...I have even began opening my curtains again. He came by to get some things I saw him from a distance but just can't bring myself to talk to him yet...I just can't give him any peep hole of a chance to come back and use me. WOW!! I just said that!! That is how I feel...very used. Very manipulated. Very uncared for by my son. Do I love him...YES!!! So, so much but I want to see my daughters get married and have grand babies for me!! I want to travel!! I want to be happy again and love life!! I have given 32 years to my son...I have bailed him out of too many things to count...I have allowed him to use me too many times to remember over the past 15 years...I just can't do anymore. I miss him and I pray for him many, many times a day...but my heart is just too scared to let him back in my home or my life right now. I hope some of you understand.

Ariesagain

No one, NO ONE could possibly say you haven’t done everything you could for your son.

But at some point, life is for the living and it sounds like you’re taking your life back. Good for you! !!!

Sending you a hug.

nonnie6

It's so hard Aresagain...my children were my life since I was 21 and gave birth to my first born...but. I am tired. I can't do anymore...I have physically and emotionally done all I can....I learned a very valuable lesson during all of this...we are all human. We have our children for a while...a beautiful, blessed while...but then they make their own decisions...we did the best we knew at the time...did we love them "too much" no such thing!!! But did we "enable them too much...thinking it was LOVE"....YES!! Some of us did. I wish I could go back and know what I know now....wow!! doesn't everybody say that??? I can't. I loved my child. I did my best. I am done. God understands me. I am good. Thank you for your kind words. Being a parent...a loving parent....is without a doubt the most rewarding and the most torturous thing in the world.

Ilovemysonjj

Nonnie, this is what the first step of our recovery means. You know now, YOU did not cause it, YOU cannot cure it and YOU cannot control it. When that hits us in the core of our spirit, the healing can begin. Hugs to you today. I am certain you will start living your own life again. God's got your son so don't you worry about what he will or won't do.

NClarke2017

I wholeheartedly believe you did everything you could. You sound like you have a wonderful heart. Sending you my love.

nonnie6

Well friends...I don't know what I did without this site in my life. My son is holed up in an extended stay...on a drunk. He has been there...that I know of...for a little over a week. He tried to trick me into letting him come back to my house last friday...I just ignored his texts. It wasn't easy and it made me so sad...but I knew I had to. I knew he was still drinking...using...whatever he is doing. For one...I am terrified to see him like that again...it is the hardest thing a parent can go through. Second...my 19 year old is having a difficult time dealing with all of this. She has started having panic attacks, since Jason's last verbal attack on both of us and I can't allow him in. When I ignored his plea's he started bashing me...when that didn't work he started complimenting me...i ignored that too. I am almost to the point of blocking him on fb and blocking him from my phone. I hate to do it but he is out of control. I don't know what he might do at the hotel he is in if he continues on this high...but what can I do? Or should I just do nothing? Is it my responsibility to warn the hotel of his behavior when he is high or again, should I leave it alone. Please give me your advice. Thank you in advance.

nonnie6

Reminder....he is 31

NClarke2017

1. Focus on the safety and health of YOURSELF and your remaining children. I am concerned about the one experiencing the panic attacks, make sure she has someone to talk to, maybe some group or family therapy just for your family unit?

2. As for your son.. if you think he might be a danger to other people in the hotel, maybe an anonymous tip to the hotel or police? I know that sounds drastic but I think you should do it if you think he's violent. If it were me, I feel like I wouldn't want to get involved with him in any way, shape, or form - because having the hotel "check up" on him still seems like you are trying to take care of him from afar - and he's 31, a grown man, who is devastating his family AND causing his sister to have a panic attacks.. I don't really know if calling the hotel/trying to look out for him from afar is worth it.. Does anyone else have better insight?

Your priority should be yourself and your other children. I'm proud of you for NOT answering his calls or pleas.... Stay strong!!!!!

hopeful4

I personally would do just what you said, which is block him. I would keep the focus on your intact family, and keeping everyone intact. He is a grown adult and needs consequences to his actions to even have any chance of getting better. There comes a time you turn them over to God and there is nothing left but to pray. That is what I would do.

Big hugs!