Family Drama
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1
Family Drama
My grandmother has been a drug addict for years but in the last 10 years she has become addicted to black tar heroin and meth. I do not have anything to do with her except for Christmas when my parents make me go to her house since she is still family. As a kid, I loved staying the night with her and doing what most kids would do at grandmas house, but I have not been able to feel close with her in a long time.
Recently, her son, my uncle, was arrested on drug charges and he confessed to the family how deep my grandmother was into drugs and she actually was taking. (The family likes to pretend everything is fine and that she is only taking painkillers.)
I am getting married in October and my biggest question is, should I invite her?
My reasoning for not wanting her there is that I have been opposite of my family. I can tell when she is high and when she is lying. (I have taken classes on addictions and my fiance is about to be an LCDC)
I do not want her around my family and friends when she is in that state and I do not want her to think that her addiction is okay with me. My fiance who is a recovering addict himself agrees that I should not invite her if she is not going to take her sobriety seriously, but that I need to explain to her that I still love her and want her healthy.
My dad thinks I should invite her to such a large event in my life. He asked how I would even know if she was high when she came and if I would drug test her?
She checked herself into rehab but only stayed two weeks because she is now "better."
I am just at a loss of how to feel or what to say
Recently, her son, my uncle, was arrested on drug charges and he confessed to the family how deep my grandmother was into drugs and she actually was taking. (The family likes to pretend everything is fine and that she is only taking painkillers.)
I am getting married in October and my biggest question is, should I invite her?
My reasoning for not wanting her there is that I have been opposite of my family. I can tell when she is high and when she is lying. (I have taken classes on addictions and my fiance is about to be an LCDC)
I do not want her around my family and friends when she is in that state and I do not want her to think that her addiction is okay with me. My fiance who is a recovering addict himself agrees that I should not invite her if she is not going to take her sobriety seriously, but that I need to explain to her that I still love her and want her healthy.
My dad thinks I should invite her to such a large event in my life. He asked how I would even know if she was high when she came and if I would drug test her?
She checked herself into rehab but only stayed two weeks because she is now "better."
I am just at a loss of how to feel or what to say
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello, and welcome.
Your wedding is your day. I personally would not invite someone who has the potential to do ANYTHING that may minimize your day. Draw a boundary for yourself, and realize this is your right.
Hugs to you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Your wedding is your day. I personally would not invite someone who has the potential to do ANYTHING that may minimize your day. Draw a boundary for yourself, and realize this is your right.
Hugs to you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome!
i agree with hopeful. i MUST have boundaries for unacceptable behavior. i have a brother i havent spoken to in about 9 years now. my other brother is still in contact with him, but i just cant allow unacceptable behavior around me and have peace and serenity at the same time.
i agree with hopeful. i MUST have boundaries for unacceptable behavior. i have a brother i havent spoken to in about 9 years now. my other brother is still in contact with him, but i just cant allow unacceptable behavior around me and have peace and serenity at the same time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I agree, your wedding is your wedding, it’s all about you. It’s not about your grandmother and it’s not about your father and what he wants or thinks. It’s not about feeling obligated to put your big day in jeopardy for someone who walked away from rehab after only 2 weeks.
I don’t agree that you need to explain a thing to her about not inviting her or only inviting her if she is in a recovery program or not high that day………..that’s only inviting more drama that you don’t need right now.
Why don’t you sit on this a little longer, see what more is revealed regarding her using or not using? The wedding is 3 months away; lots can happen in that time period, good things as well as bad. Nothing says you need to make this decision today or even tomorrow or next month………
I don’t agree that you need to explain a thing to her about not inviting her or only inviting her if she is in a recovery program or not high that day………..that’s only inviting more drama that you don’t need right now.
Why don’t you sit on this a little longer, see what more is revealed regarding her using or not using? The wedding is 3 months away; lots can happen in that time period, good things as well as bad. Nothing says you need to make this decision today or even tomorrow or next month………
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,642
Originally Posted by crwldmw13 
I do not want her around my family and friends when she is in that state
and I do not want her to think that her addiction is okay with me. My fiance who is a recovering addict himself agrees that I should not invite her if she is not going to take her sobriety seriously, but that I need to explain to her that I still love her and want her healthy.
My dad thinks I should invite her to such a large event in my life. He asked how I would even know if she was high when she came and if I would drug test her?
She checked herself into rehab but only stayed two weeks because she is now "better."
I am just at a loss of how to feel or what to say
and I do not want her to think that her addiction is okay with me. My fiance who is a recovering addict himself agrees that I should not invite her if she is not going to take her sobriety seriously, but that I need to explain to her that I still love her and want her healthy.
My dad thinks I should invite her to such a large event in my life. He asked how I would even know if she was high when she came and if I would drug test her?
She checked herself into rehab but only stayed two weeks because she is now "better."
I am just at a loss of how to feel or what to say
You are entitled, of course, to feel any way that you want and I understand the bolded part above, where you are not enamoured with having someone who is high (and therefore unpredictable) at your wedding.
For the rest, it almost sounds like punishment? Punishing your Grandmother by not inviting her to your wedding will probably have zero effect on her addiction however it will probably have a great impact on your relationship (which may not be an issue for you).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
so will you have a DRY reception then? if you are concerned about HER staying clean and sober, does that same rule apply to EVERYONE? are you going to test each person on arrival?
i do think you are trying to enforce some control where you have none. if you don't want her there, then don't invite her. it IS your wedding. but don't use your wedding as attempted leverage. you can't enforce some barrier between her and the rest of the world. because the rest of the world gets to choose for itself.
i do think you are trying to enforce some control where you have none. if you don't want her there, then don't invite her. it IS your wedding. but don't use your wedding as attempted leverage. you can't enforce some barrier between her and the rest of the world. because the rest of the world gets to choose for itself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 10
Would she cause a scene on the most wonderful day of your life? You see, it's up to you. You run the chance of dealing with drama. Who wants that on their wedding day? You can't control what she does, what she takes. You can only decide if you want her there or not.
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