Mashajoon

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. I have never used drugs and he has been an addict since before I met him. He had it under control and hasn't been using much. With that came the lies and the hiding. He was in and out of rehab for a few months. He went in about two months ago and called after 1 week. We talked, he said he was doing well and he loved me and we can get through this. Its been 2 month. No more calls....I called his mother to see how he is doing. He is doing very very good. He is in sober living but he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. She said he doesn't think about me much and when he gets out, he doesn't want me in his life....
I'm heartbroken, devastated, and I really don't understand why I have to find lout like this. Do I not deserve at least a call? After 7 years????
Please help....any advise and any help is greatly appreciated

AnvilheadII

yes you do "deserve" a call. he's being pretty chicken-sh!t about things. sorry you are going through this. it happens a lot, unfortunately - partners stick with their addict/alcoholic loved one through some rough times, put up with a lot (too much??) crap, lies, secrecy, fights. then they FINALLY head off to rehab and.....................poof. they have changed, seen the light and want nothing more to do with the other person.

says a lot about who we THOUGHT they were and who they REALLY are.

Mashajoon

Thank you. I just can't help but think that I could have done things differently. I was disconnected and cold last few months before he left, and the reason being is that i just tried to prevent myself for losing my mind. The sad thing is that if I didn't check in with his mom, I would have never known.....

Maudcat

Hi, Mashajoon. I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found us.
You deserve to be happy, and you deserve better.
He is showing you who he is by his behavior.
Someone on this site once said that addicts can become sober, but that doesn't necessarily make them good relationship material.
Good thoughts to you.

SpaghettiBender

Loving an addict is like kicking a cactus over and over with no shoes on.
My son is a life long addict. He is 38 yrs old. In and out of rehabs and so on.
It never ends. Until he is ready it will continue to stay the same. So you must ask yourself if you really want to stay on the roller coaster with him, or renew your self with a new life. You deserve a GOOD life, why not take a chance and make one for yourself? I hope your pain eases. I know how hard it is. I also have an ex husband who bacame severely addicted to opiates. He was a big level manager, making a very good income. One month and all that was GONE. All because of getting addicted to oxycontin. Yep, he lost every thing he had worked for all his life. When it became unbearable, I had to leave to preserve what sanity I had left. I found that over time, I felt better about everything especially my own self. I didn't deserve a life like that.
Alanon was my saviour and still is.

HardLessons

Hi Mashajoon

Sorry to hear about your pain & struggle

A Relationship With an addict. Is. Extremely difficult & downright painful. I. Recently Started the train wreck post lots of info there about me & my messy relationship

Someone responded to my post & said something like since your addict isn't contacting you they are doing you big favor

I'm feeling a lot of distress on a daily basis. All day long. But. Maybe. Just maybe the addicts have done us a favor by leaving us alone?

I wish you all the best life has to offer