Got drugs from and slept with prostitutes
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Originally Posted by betnp3 
I am so sorry. I know how you feel & it is horrible. Such a betrayal. I feel like my whole marriage is a fraud. Like, who is this man I was so in love with at one time? It is so hard to make sense of it. Take care of yourself. I don't have a lot of advice. I am living this same hell. I have 3 young children with mine, so be thankful you don't have that to complicate the situation.
I can tell by your posts that you are very smart & independent. You do not deserve what has happened to you. You are in no way to blame, you are not stupid or naive. You are a normal person who trusted her husband...that is what happens in normal relationships. I am slowly learning that there is nothing normal when in a relationship with an addict...normal rules do not apply. You will get through this. You will be okay.
I can tell by your posts that you are very smart & independent. You do not deserve what has happened to you. You are in no way to blame, you are not stupid or naive. You are a normal person who trusted her husband...that is what happens in normal relationships. I am slowly learning that there is nothing normal when in a relationship with an addict...normal rules do not apply. You will get through this. You will be okay.
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Whatever you do, DO NOT blame yourself, not now, not ever. He had choices not to be a complete asshat...and he had to seek these women out, it's not like he was presented with a sudden opportunity and slipped and fell on top of one.
At the very least, you don't have to second-guess yourself anymore about whether he deserves another chance, maybe another rehab, he says he's clean but doesn't act like it...all the codie rationalization blabla.
You're done. Once and forever.
His loss.
Whatever you do, DO NOT blame yourself, not now, not ever. He had choices not to be a complete asshat...and he had to seek these women out, it's not like he was presented with a sudden opportunity and slipped and fell on top of one.
At the very least, you don't have to second-guess yourself anymore about whether he deserves another chance, maybe another rehab, he says he's clean but doesn't act like it...all the codie rationalization blabla.
You're done. Once and forever.
His loss.
This marriage brought me a whole lot of happiness for a while. As happy as I was,the pain is more intense. I'm tired of pain. So tired of it.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
Hey Rambo, how are we doing? (isn't that wonderfully codependent of me????? WE).
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Originally Posted by Seren
Deelilah, Oh my word what a nightmare!! You have every right to be the most angry you have ever been about anything 
You have experienced the most intimate form of betrayal possible! I really can only just begin to imagine how angry you are. Please don't let that anger lead you to do something rash that might get *you* in trouble with the law!
I do agree with the others who suggest channeling that anger into activity. First, I might, as CO suggested, copy the pages of "The Adventures of Mr. Happy Pants" for future reference--and to remind you of the details of his adventures in case you begin to feel nostalgic later on.
Then I would likely pack up his belongings and tell him to come and get them between the hours of x and y. As also suggested, having someone else there might be a very good idea. If not, then maybe you can leave them with some other family member?
I encourage you to change the locks, too, in case he still has a key.
Please post and vent here as much as you need...many times a day! It helps to get it all out (says someone whose ex-husband was unfaithful, too).
You have experienced the most intimate form of betrayal possible! I really can only just begin to imagine how angry you are. Please don't let that anger lead you to do something rash that might get *you* in trouble with the law!I do agree with the others who suggest channeling that anger into activity. First, I might, as CO suggested, copy the pages of "The Adventures of Mr. Happy Pants" for future reference--and to remind you of the details of his adventures in case you begin to feel nostalgic later on.
Then I would likely pack up his belongings and tell him to come and get them between the hours of x and y. As also suggested, having someone else there might be a very good idea. If not, then maybe you can leave them with some other family member?
I encourage you to change the locks, too, in case he still has a key.
Please post and vent here as much as you need...many times a day! It helps to get it all out (says someone whose ex-husband was unfaithful, too).
He admitted that I wasn't even a consideration during that time. He didn't even take me into account. I can't be married to someone who's capable of that.
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Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
agree, do not go ballistic...revenge is best never served- and just put into safe words- here.Member
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admitted to 3
you can assume that is an under-estimation.
it's a lot to take in. to be so fooled. we see what we want to see, know what we want to know. we ALL do that.
but once we DO know, we HAVE to honor our own truth.
you can assume that is an under-estimation.
it's a lot to take in. to be so fooled. we see what we want to see, know what we want to know. we ALL do that.
but once we DO know, we HAVE to honor our own truth.
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You are entitled to feel what you feel right now just try not to act on any one emotion, like sleeping with someone, it will only make you feel worse in the end.
The one positive thing right now is that he is else where and not making the ending worse for you. And that you don't have children you must share so this can be a clean break with no contact. That is what lawyers are for!!
Now might be the time to set up some counseling for yourself to help guide you through the vast emotions that are going to feel overwhelming.
The most important thing you need to accept is that YOU did nothing wrong. You didn't make him do drugs and betray you. It has nothing, nodda to do with you as a person, how you look, your weight, your height, your job nothing about you had a dam thing to do with his addiction. That addiction was there long before you came along and will remain long after you are gone.
((hugs))
The one positive thing right now is that he is else where and not making the ending worse for you. And that you don't have children you must share so this can be a clean break with no contact. That is what lawyers are for!!
Now might be the time to set up some counseling for yourself to help guide you through the vast emotions that are going to feel overwhelming.
The most important thing you need to accept is that YOU did nothing wrong. You didn't make him do drugs and betray you. It has nothing, nodda to do with you as a person, how you look, your weight, your height, your job nothing about you had a dam thing to do with his addiction. That addiction was there long before you came along and will remain long after you are gone.
((hugs))
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I'm so sorry that you have to face this. There is nothing worse than finding out that your spouse has committed the ultimate betrayal. I mean it's bad enough him being an addict but betrayal is so very personal.
This is not your fault, please know that. I echo the others in that you should make copies of his journal, pack his bags and change the locks on your doors. Where he sleeps is now his problem. If he relapses, well that's his problem as well.
Gosh I'm so so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. If you ever need to talk please PM me..
(((Hugs)))
This is not your fault, please know that. I echo the others in that you should make copies of his journal, pack his bags and change the locks on your doors. Where he sleeps is now his problem. If he relapses, well that's his problem as well.
Gosh I'm so so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. If you ever need to talk please PM me..
(((Hugs)))
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Originally Posted by atalose
The most important thing you need to accept is that YOU did nothing wrong. You didn't make him do drugs and betray you. It has nothing, nodda to do with you as a person, how you look, your weight, your height, your job nothing about you had a dam thing to do with his addiction. That addiction was there long before you came along and will remain long after you are gone.
((hugs))
((hugs))
Though in some ways it's worse to know that you just didn't matter and that's why it happened.
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I know that sleep, rational thought, eating are all going to be a bit tough right now. When my exH admitted to cheating and left me, I could not really do any of those things well for several days. I had to leave a radio on at night because I felt like the only person in the world at night and the radio helped.
Please try to rest when you can. Eat when you can. Take good care of yourself and your kiddos! Vent away as much as you need here!! Sadly, many of us get it.
Please try to rest when you can. Eat when you can. Take good care of yourself and your kiddos! Vent away as much as you need here!! Sadly, many of us get it.
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Reaching our "enough" point can be painful and frustrating and scary...what next?
What next is a life filled with peace, days filled with beauty and a feeling of self worth that comes from within. Nobody needs to validate your self worth, you KNOW you're a good person and that's enough. You don't need another sex partner to validate that you are an attractive person worthy of love and respect...you KNOW that already.
Holding resentments is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get sick.
As trite as this sounds, I promise you it is not. Throw this all to the universe, surround yourself with support (counseling, meetings, SR, family and friends) and know that new beginnings await you...but not until you close the door on this already empty room.
Hugs
What next is a life filled with peace, days filled with beauty and a feeling of self worth that comes from within. Nobody needs to validate your self worth, you KNOW you're a good person and that's enough. You don't need another sex partner to validate that you are an attractive person worthy of love and respect...you KNOW that already.
Holding resentments is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get sick.
As trite as this sounds, I promise you it is not. Throw this all to the universe, surround yourself with support (counseling, meetings, SR, family and friends) and know that new beginnings await you...but not until you close the door on this already empty room.
Hugs
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Originally Posted by Seren
I know that sleep, rational thought, eating are all going to be a bit tough right now. When my exH admitted to cheating and left me, I could not really do any of those things well for several days. I had to leave a radio on at night because I felt like the only person in the world at night and the radio helped.
Please try to rest when you can. Eat when you can. Take good care of yourself and your kiddos! Vent away as much as you need here!! Sadly, many of us get it.
Please try to rest when you can. Eat when you can. Take good care of yourself and your kiddos! Vent away as much as you need here!! Sadly, many of us get it.
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Originally Posted by Ann
Reaching our "enough" point can be painful and frustrating and scary...what next?
What next is a life filled with peace, days filled with beauty and a feeling of self worth that comes from within. Nobody needs to validate your self worth, you KNOW you're a good person and that's enough. You don't need another sex partner to validate that you are an attractive person worthy of love and respect...you KNOW that already.
Holding resentments is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get sick.
As trite as this sounds, I promise you it is not. Throw this all to the universe, surround yourself with support (counseling, meetings, SR, family and friends) and know that new beginnings await you...but not until you close the door on this already empty room.
Hugs
What next is a life filled with peace, days filled with beauty and a feeling of self worth that comes from within. Nobody needs to validate your self worth, you KNOW you're a good person and that's enough. You don't need another sex partner to validate that you are an attractive person worthy of love and respect...you KNOW that already.
Holding resentments is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get sick.
As trite as this sounds, I promise you it is not. Throw this all to the universe, surround yourself with support (counseling, meetings, SR, family and friends) and know that new beginnings await you...but not until you close the door on this already empty room.
Hugs
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Yes, my ex would cry to me and then berate me. It is all the desperate scramblings of someone who cannot face the consequences of his actions. You may even get the old standby of "No one will ever love you like I do!" When my ex told me that, I replied "Thank God!"
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Originally Posted by Deelilah
One minute he totally understands, the next I'm rejecting and throwing him away like yesterday's news. Have to have some contact now to work out a few details.
Second, you didn't discard him... he discarded him. He also discarded and disrespected you, your serenity, your marriage, and your family in the process. You don't own this.. it belongs to him and he is NOT man enough to own it for himself. Typical addict behavior. Looks like he didn't learn to much in rehab. Nor is he embracing sobriety if he can't take responsibility for his own actions.
Life is full of consequences, some good, some bad, depending on the decisions we make. I hope your addict has enough brain cells left to grasp this concept soon.
Sending hugs and support your way.
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