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Son about to be released after 6 months in jail for opiates

Old 07-21-2017, 03:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Chino View Post
My daughter needed to be gone when I gave her the final boot. She was clean, too. They are our children and it especially requires a herculean effort when they have a lifelong chronic disease, but it's manageable if they choose that.

Just like all adult children, they need to leave the nest or they will become crippled by it.
Now, there is a treasure trove in those two paragraphs. Agreed. My adult son has done quite well with staying the course since he's been on his own.
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Old 07-21-2017, 12:49 PM
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Yes MK. All of us Moms wish we could take away the addiction. AND we wish our kids could be happy and healthy. AND we all realize that our job is no longer to make their choices and decisions. I understand. Hugs and keep working on YOU!
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Old 07-25-2017, 01:23 PM
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Today I am thankful that thought came before action. Evaluation of a situation that could lead to his failure and a decision to stay away......sigh of relief... if even for just this moment....
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Old 07-25-2017, 02:54 PM
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Yes that is right! Don't rush in, doing nothing is a good choice for us Mom enablers!
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Old 08-19-2017, 04:40 PM
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4 weeks of bliss. I had my son back.....until I didn't . The lesson this time was for those cousins in his life. Those who don't realize that you cannot put an addict into a situation where they can fail...because they always will. And now I begin again...breathe, heal, pray......sigh
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Old 08-19-2017, 05:00 PM
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Originally Posted by MKHow View Post
4 weeks of bliss. I had my son back.....until I didn't . The lesson this time was for those cousins in his life. Those who don't realize that you cannot put an addict into a situation where they can fail...because they always will. And now I begin again...breathe, heal, pray......sigh
thats tough, but the cousins arent to blame.the cousins didnt put him in that situation. it was your sons' choice to allow himself to get into that situation.
NO ONE has to realize a possible tempting situation except the addict themselves. the addict is the one responsible for their own actions and no one else.
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Old 08-19-2017, 05:07 PM
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While I realize it was his choice to participate, they did not need to have a party in the same hotel room. There is no blame, just learning. All of them were aware that he hasn't even begun treatment yet. Wish they all would have thought things out a little better is all.
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Old 08-19-2017, 05:14 PM
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Originally Posted by MKHow View Post
While I realize it was his choice to participate, they did not need to have a party in the same hotel room. There is no blame, just learning. All of them were aware that he hasn't even begun treatment yet. Wish they all would have thought things out a little better is all.
you feel they did not need to. they also did not need to have a party.
however, youre opinion of what they should and shouldnt have done doesnt matter. your son is STILL responsible for HIS actions.

which they already thought it out. but NOT what you or your son wanted( which maybe your son wanted the party too?. they thought out what THEY wanted.
was he held against his will? tied up? did someone else force the drugs into him?
unless your son was being held against his will, he could have chose to leave.
period.
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Old 08-19-2017, 05:31 PM
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Correct.
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Old 08-20-2017, 08:53 AM
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Those who don't realize that you cannot put an addict into a situation where they can fail...because they always will.

that is not true. every recovering addict encounters situations all the time where they could fail. addicts who are not committed to recovery will give in at the drop of a hat. it is not everyone's else's job to protect the addict - or to sanitize situations - or change their own behaviors to ensure the addict doesn't use. no matter what the situation, an addict that wants to use will.

i know it's hard to watch.
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Old 08-20-2017, 11:33 AM
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Hugs for you and strength for your recovery
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Old 08-21-2017, 08:52 AM
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I am going to agree with the other posts above. You cannot tip toe through life hoping to not come upon anything that will tempt you. It's a matter of working recovery so when you are put into those situations you are able to do the right thing.

You cannot love them into doing the right thing or recovering, no matter how hard you try.

Gentle hugs.
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Old 08-21-2017, 05:30 PM
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When you say he is "self-supporting," what do you mean, exactly? If he is in jail, he is not supporting himself, and I imagine if he is coming home to live with you he has few assets. What exactly do you mean?
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Old 08-22-2017, 10:51 AM
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Thank you all for the reminder that the choices are his to make. Happy to say everyone involved came through to let him know how his choices affected them and it actually seemed to have an impact...a big one. Therapy starts tomorrow and it is almost as though a 'flip' has been switched in him. #always hopeful.
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Old 08-22-2017, 10:52 AM
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Self supportive meaning he has a job and pays his living expenses.
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Old 08-22-2017, 11:11 AM
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Just wondering how he could have a job if in jail, but okay.
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Old 08-22-2017, 01:31 PM
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I know here there are actually people who work around their work in jail, meaning they report for jail on Friday night, leave Sunday night. I do think the system is waking up to the fact that if a person has a job it's in everyone's best interests for them to keep it (except maybe their employer).
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