Is it right for me to hope that something could work out between us later on down the road?
My first thought is, that statement is no different than if he said, maybe somewhere down the road I can take opiates again and not abuse them.
My second thought is, there is always hope but hope is never a plan.
Down grading your relationship, status to "just friends" is how we codies hold onto hope and we plan on that relationship to happen down the road. Similar to an addict/alcoholic saying I’ll just drink beer or just smoke pot……..not fully letting go of the obsession.
You need to respect his wishes of not being in a relationship, giving him space and staying out of his recovery. That’s hard for a codie to do when your end game is to secure a relationship with him. Your thinking is how he’s going to be in 90 days, what’s he going to be like in 90 days when the questions you should be asking is how will you be in 90 days especially if you truly work on your codependence and totally give up your drug of choice (him) and allow him to fully focus on himself.
His addiction is life long, he has a 10+ year history of drug abuse that’s not going to resolve itself it 90 days, it may take years. The drinking and the drugging are only symptoms of much deeper issues that he needs to work on and a relationship of any kind especially one with a codependent who’s hell bent on securing one with him, will only divert him away from what he needs to do.
Often the most loving, kindest and caring thing we can do for them is to let them go and respect their wishes, not our wants.