witsend1798

Hi All

My girlfriend, or ex, not sure is on meth.
Its been going on for at least a year now. Prior to that she had 6 years clean, she blames me for her relapse and doesn't care about anything.
I moved out about 4 months ago, but came back last week. She says she wants to quit but isn't ready yet. She s about to lose her job. In the meantime she spends a lot of time with the guy she gets her drugs from and now sells with. Even to spending nights out with him. I love this girl so much and know it isn't her but the drugs that have taken over.
She s shameless about what she does and the cheating. I really don't know if I can get past that ever, but I told her neither one of us can make a clear decision until she is clean. She hates me for mentioning it a lot.
I told her I can't stay if this continues, and have her until next Monday to Just make an attempt to show me she wants to change. Because right now it's just plain hell.
All I want is the girl I fell in love with back.
Thanks for reading.

atalose

What brought you back into this situation that hasn't gotten any better, just worse?

What's the magic that's supposed to happen before next Monday that's NOT happened in the last 4 months?

The drug using cheating addict is this girl. Addiction will always be part of her. Its not 2 different people, as much as you want it to be and want to blame all the bad behavior on the drugs, its all just one the person.

witsend1798

I actually thought it had gotten better. She indicated for the first time that she wanted to quit even going as to far to say she needed inpatient treatment


I let her know that I need to see something by Monday. Some sort of effort on her part that she REALLY did want help.

I know that the addiction will always be a part of her, but who she is now is not who she was before. I don't know anything about this situation except for the research I've done over the last few months, but I hope she could come back. My problem is I get frustrated and angry and nagging about it which only sets her off. Thus, giving her an "excuse" to get high. I try to be understanding and living but I really am at my wits end and about to Just give up.

Why are they the ones with the problem, but were the ones who suffer?

AnvilheadII

i'd strongly suggest you avoid sex with her, i'm not sure i'd even trust "protection". meth makes people VERY careless and very crazy and reckless.

cece1960

It's okay if you need to give up Witsend. You have the right to surround yourself with people that are good to you and for you.
Take care of yourself, and let her do what she needs to do.

zoso77

witsend...

Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what has brought you to us. So let's cut to the chase.

One of the defining character traits of someone in active addiction is the refusal to take responsibility for their actions. The real reason she picked up again is simple: she gave herself permission to.

Grounds for dismissal, if you ask me.

I don't doubt that you feel this way. But the fact of the matter, witsend, is what we want and what's best for us are often orthogonal to each other. The truth is the chances you're going to get the girl you fell in love with back are slim. Based on that, you have to make a decision based on what is best for you. And sometimes that means doing something that we don't want to do.

Personally speaking, cheating's a game ender. When my AXGF confessed to multiple infidelities, that was it. I was done, and I haven't looked back. Sure, it hurts when someone betrays us. But the best message to send to somebody like my AXGF or your AGF is we're not going to tolerate that kind of crap, and then hold firm.

There's nothing you can do to fix this. Do what's best, and lose her.

If you want to see how I dealt with things, search my post history. Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.

Charioteer

Man, trust me when I tell you that you aren't alone here. Read through some of the posts here, and you'll see story after story all telling you the same thing.

I ignored post after post for way too long. In my mind, there were hardcore drug addicts, and there was my wife, who was so much better than the junkies and was trying so damn hard to get clean (usually).

It doesn't get better, man. It breaks my heart to tell you, but it's true. It gets worse, and it brings you down with it.

Nobody can tell you what to do here. Hell, I had plenty of this people on this board advising me what to do, and I barreled ahead, thinking they didn't know my wife like I did.

I wish I'd listened.