mamaof3boyz

Thank you for reaching out Joie. A lot has happened since I last posted. I was blamed for getting toothpaste on the bed and when I stuck up for myself I was told I'm a miserable person and I'm too sensitive. As well as being told I'm a sad sad person and I hate my life. I find thus very amusing! He got fired again about 4 weeks ago... wow what a surprise! (Sarcasm)
Anywhooo... I have signed a lease on a townhouse and I'm waiting for the hoa to approve my application. I'd like to move out Sept. 1st. I won't be taking anything from our home so i will buy all new. I have the divorce papers almost completed and plan on filing soon. My dilemma is should I tell him I filed or just let him get served? Either way he will make it hell on earth. Thank you for listening

JOIE12

Make a quiet exit. No one knows but a trusted friend in the event that something happens to you.

I wish I could tell you not to take to heart, the things he says - because they do crawl inside and create havoc. But you already know that he is manipulating and when his life as he knows it is threatened (when he realizes you are gone), he will step up his assault. I'm sorry.

I hope the application is approved and you do decide to take some things from the house. I began my journey saying the same thing. After a few years fighting for divorce, I woke up. I do understand both sides of the coin. But reconsider this as you may need these things for your boys and for yourself. It causes a bit of anger later on. I'm not a materialistic person in any way, but going to the store to buy things that he gave away or tossed out - was maddening. Big things too like lawnmower, tractor, snowblower ....

I will be praying for you and your boys. Please send me an update so that I know you are all ok.

Hugs and strength to you,
Joie

mamaof3boyz

You gave me some things to think about. Maybe I should take some things but I really just want my freedom...as much as I can get anyway. I will keep you posted. Thank you for caring and investing your time. It means a lot to me.

AnvilheadII

wait til your application is approved, so you have a clear path ahead. in the meantime, quietly round up important paperwork and momentos and get them out of the house. i understand wanting to just walk away, but there are things in that house that DO have meaning for you and the boys.

i think i'd try to time the serving of papers as close to your escape as possible.

also, the dollar store is a great place to get new stuff to help set up shop. or thrift stores. you could start to build a little cache, sort of the modern day HOPE chest.

hang in there, mama......try not to rock the boat or poke the bear. get your ducks in a row and your support system in place.

mamaof3boyz

Okay....I will take your advice. I should wait until Im ready to escape... i guess Im trying to handle things with character and rationale but I have to remind myself I'm not dealing with a healthy rational man. I feel the move will affect the boys because I'm trying to get out by Sept 1st. The boys start school just 2 weeks before. My youngest is attending a new school (kindergarten). I pray they don't suffer with all the new changes. I plan on taking them to a therapist to help with their emotions.

mamaof3boyz

It's difficult to remove any items from our home because he is always home...oh the joys of unemployment

PuzzledHeart

I second the thrift shops. I used to stalk the ones in the affluent areas. On occasion, I'd find clothes there that were hundreds of dollars in the department store for $10. And there's freecycle.org and freelywheely.com as well.

As infuriating as it is to buy things twice, this is an opportunity to surround yourself with stuff completely scot free of his mojo.

mamaof3boyz

Yessss!! I totally agree....get his yuck away from me! Lol.

ladyscribbler

I had a similar situation when I left my ex. My oldest son's father had just died of cancer and my younger son (with my ax) was just about to start preschool. They both made the adjustment. It wasn't perfect- what is? It's better than what you're all dealing with now.

Counseling is an excellent idea. My older son is in counseling and it has been wonderful for him dealing with everything. He also did a 6 week grief counseling program with the local hospice. My younger son had a negative experience during his visit with ax this summer and I'm probably going to get him some counseling when he gets home.

Kids adjust much more easily to a new situation than they do to a dysfunctional situation. If I had stayed with ax, the drama would still be going on. Right now it's in the past for them, and they have a stable, loving, sober home to rely on.

Really glad to hear from you Mama. I agree about keeping all of this on the QT. The less your ah knows the better. Safety is your first priority. And you will be tempted. When he starts in with his crap and junk, you will be SOOO tempted to go off and tell him you'll be gone in a few weeks. Just stay calm, think happy thoughts and carry on.

You can do this. When you want to go off, come here and post. When you want to jab kitchen knives in his eyes, come here and post. Vent to your heart's content. We are here for you. You can do this for your boys. I did it. Anyone can.

Ann

I am keeping you in my prayers, mama, that all this unfolds well for you.

mamaof3boyz

Thank you I can use all the prayers possible.