Gwen50

My daughter is addicted to heroin.. I've taken guardianship of my 5 yr old grand daughter (2 months ago today) because of neglect and abuse.
I'm absolutely heart broken for my grand baby... She is confused and misses her mamma..
Scared to death for my daughter..
Keeps saying she's checking on rehab but no attempts at getting help yet.
How do you answer questions from a little one on something so difficult?

LostinLove22

I have a young child I had to move out of state a few years back due to my husband (her dad) being a heroin addict. When we moved I very simply said 'Dads sick and we are going somewhere safe til he's better. He never got better...he passed away, we found him the second we came back to live with him. Was really good having my daughter disconnected from him prior to his passing, as she was much more resilient, having not been directly attached in everyday life, aside from phone calls. Keep the answers very brief with not much detail. Best of luck

Gwen50

Thank you.. Hoping and praying she will get help...
It's very hard not knowing if she's okay... She's a grown women making her choices i know.. But she's still my little girl in my heart of hearts and its killing me literally

zoso77

Gwen...

Welcome to the Board. Stories like this are amongst the most heartbreaking ones you'll see here, and I'm so sorry that you and your granddaughter have to go through this.

We have other women here who have been through hell with their addict children and have lived to tell the tale. My hope is over the next day or so, they'll pipe in. Until they do, I will offer a word of caution.

Just because she's telling you this doesn't mean it's true. The only thing that matters is your AD's actions. Believe what your two eyes are telling you, and that will go a long ways toward protecting both you and your granddaughter.

Keep reading, keep learning, keep reaching out. And again, Welcome to the Board.

AnonWife

I have a young daughter too. Its difficult but Id try simply explaining mommy is sick and grand mommy is there. Feeling secure will go a long way, and maybe letting her express her feelings for mom in drawings or things you can set aside. Maybe a a special drawer or box to keep things and she will have something to go to.

Hoping your daughter does get better soon.

Bekindalways

Welcome Gwen and so terribly sorry for what brings you here. Like Zoso, I think watching a child go through this has got to be the most difficult (Not that watching anyone is easy).

I have read other's describe explaining to young children that Mom/Dad is sick. Perhaps adding that doctors can not always fix sicknesses might help. However, I'm not a parent so maybe better if I just offer my most sincere (albeit internet) condolences.

Ann

Gwen, welcome to SR. We have a number of grandmas raising grandchildren here, even one great-grandmother that I can think of who is doing a wonderful job with her great granddaughter.

It is hard for the children, especially when they are old enough to know the parent, and at 5 years old she does.

I would talk to her and answer questions in an age appropriate way and just make her feel safe and secure with you.

People like you and the other grandmas here are special angels and these children are blessed to have you.

I will keep your daughter in my prayers.

Hugs

ladyscribbler

My son is 6 and has started asking questions about why we don't live with daddy anymore. I explained to him that daddy has a disease called alcoholism and because of that he makes bad choices like drinking alcohol and does things that are unsafe to be around, like forgetting that he left the stove on and losing his temper over nothing (I left out the gritty details, kept it age-appropriate). I told him that it doesn't mean we don't love daddy, or that he's a bad person, but that we can't be around daddy when he's drinking. He seemed to understand, and has stopped blaming himself for "making daddy angry" (there was an incident where my ex got blackout drunk in front of our son and threatened to kill his parents where they were staying for the visit). Even very young children understand about being sick, and it allows us to examine the behavior honestly without passing judgment on the person.
If kids don't hear the truth, they make up all kinds of explanations about why adults are doing what they're doing, and the kids usually blame themselves. I grew up in an alcoholic household and didn't realize it until I was in my 20s. By then the damage was done.

cynical one

Hi Gwen,

Welcome to the board.

I have quite a few articles in my blog on what to tell children of substance abusers. Please feel free to take a peek HERE.

Basically it comes down to the truth in age appropriate language. And, IMO I would say drinks too much alcohol or takes bad medicine instead of being sick. Sick to a child is a tummy ache or a cold where grandma can make everything better. By saying bad medicine- that can also be used as a segue into a chat about never taking medicine unless grandma gives it to you.