Fooled me again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 89
Fooled me again
All I can say as of tonight is, he has already made one phone call to someone asking them to go pick him up. They DID NOT go. So this looks like it will be a long, hard battle.
I can't believe I HONESTLY believed him when he looked in my eyes and said " I'm ready to go, ready to be a better man, better husband and father". I am a very strong person. Have been through a lot and always stayed strong and smart- so it completely infuriates me that have been so weak minded, gullible, a pushover. Just mad at myself!!!!
I can't believe I HONESTLY believed him when he looked in my eyes and said " I'm ready to go, ready to be a better man, better husband and father". I am a very strong person. Have been through a lot and always stayed strong and smart- so it completely infuriates me that have been so weak minded, gullible, a pushover. Just mad at myself!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I'm sorry SorroW
I don't think it's a character weakness to trust or believe in someone...but it gets to a certain point where they can can let you down only so many times and exhaust all the good will.
I think you're at that point.
D
I don't think it's a character weakness to trust or believe in someone...but it gets to a certain point where they can can let you down only so many times and exhaust all the good will.
I think you're at that point.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
So this looks like it will be a long, hard battle.
The "it" in this sentence is for HIM. "So it looks like he will have a long, hard battle". Truth be told, it looks like he will not go to battle for his sanity, his life, and his family, and it will be a long, hard downslide. FOR HIM.
You get to write your own sentence.
However you want it to be. For you and your children. When he leaves rehab, unfinished, he has forsaken you all, and it is up to you to decide how you want your future and your children's future to be.
As scary as this may seem, it is also a declaration of freedom for you and your kids.
Southwest Airlines says, "you are now free to move around the country" .
That means you are free to live as you need to live to be free, happy and healthy.
As someone who left an almost 20 year marriage to an abusive, cross addicted alcoholic, after I left, my life began to flower. I hope for the same for you and your children.
ShootingStar1
The "it" in this sentence is for HIM. "So it looks like he will have a long, hard battle". Truth be told, it looks like he will not go to battle for his sanity, his life, and his family, and it will be a long, hard downslide. FOR HIM.
You get to write your own sentence.
However you want it to be. For you and your children. When he leaves rehab, unfinished, he has forsaken you all, and it is up to you to decide how you want your future and your children's future to be.
As scary as this may seem, it is also a declaration of freedom for you and your kids.
Southwest Airlines says, "you are now free to move around the country" .
That means you are free to live as you need to live to be free, happy and healthy.
As someone who left an almost 20 year marriage to an abusive, cross addicted alcoholic, after I left, my life began to flower. I hope for the same for you and your children.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 214
Its common for people to want to leave rehab. The pond looks beautiful and your excited to go for a swim, but wait its freezing, your feeling weak, and maybe you cant do this.
I hope he stays, doesnt sound mentally well at this point.
I hope he stays, doesnt sound mentally well at this point.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Hey Sorro, I am so sorry this sounds like a no-go for AH. I haven't followed your story completely so don't know the details.
I do hope you are going to some kind of alanon group and that you have a support network that can help you as you figure out what is best for you in the coming days, weeks, months and years.
Keep posting and please take care of yourself and the kids.
I do hope you are going to some kind of alanon group and that you have a support network that can help you as you figure out what is best for you in the coming days, weeks, months and years.
Keep posting and please take care of yourself and the kids.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
A good rule of thumb is: if an addict's lips are moving, they're lying.
Do what is necessary to protect yourself and your children.
Do what is necessary to protect yourself and your children.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
I will add my wishes along with others for you to continue to gain strength, to continue to seek and receive support, and that you and the children may have a peaceful and positive journey in weeks to come.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Sorro,
Just another SR member/momma who has been in your shoes and knows how and what you are feeling. I, along with the others, offer you support, and we truly do care
about you and your family.
Please stick around, take care of yourself... your children need you, a strong momma!
Tight hugs and sincere prayers that you find peace in the days to come. Have a
quiet weekend, do something for YOU and your children.
Zoso...where did you get that "rule of thumb" about the lips of an addict, you
hit the nail on its head with that one, genius!!!
TF
Just another SR member/momma who has been in your shoes and knows how and what you are feeling. I, along with the others, offer you support, and we truly do care
about you and your family.
Please stick around, take care of yourself... your children need you, a strong momma!
Tight hugs and sincere prayers that you find peace in the days to come. Have a
quiet weekend, do something for YOU and your children.
Zoso...where did you get that "rule of thumb" about the lips of an addict, you
hit the nail on its head with that one, genius!!!
TF
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Sorro he hasn't left yet. There might have been a spontaneous wish to leave, but that could have been a moment of weakness that he's through.
Suggest you tell the rehab, and also suspend your judgement until he actually leaves, because this might have been a one-off.
Suggest you tell the rehab, and also suspend your judgement until he actually leaves, because this might have been a one-off.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 39
Had this threat yesterday
Originally Posted by SorroW22 
All I can say as of tonight is, he has already made one phone call to someone asking them to go pick him up. They DID NOT go. So this looks like it will be a long, hard battle.
I can't believe I HONESTLY believed him when he looked in my eyes and said " I'm ready to go, ready to be a better man, better husband and father". I am a very strong person. Have been through a lot and always stayed strong and smart- so it completely infuriates me that have been so weak minded, gullible, a pushover. Just mad at myself!!!!
I can't believe I HONESTLY believed him when he looked in my eyes and said " I'm ready to go, ready to be a better man, better husband and father". I am a very strong person. Have been through a lot and always stayed strong and smart- so it completely infuriates me that have been so weak minded, gullible, a pushover. Just mad at myself!!!!
'Um ok'
Half hour later 'head up here asap '
Get there walk in and his things are all packed right by front door. He's speaking to his therapist. I walk up to them. We go into a therapy room.
There was drama amongst fellow clients so bf wanted to leave. Emotions died down, I made it clear that our home is not open/ready to his return yet. He stayed and I attended the group family session yesterday afternoon.
Hang in there ups and downs as the drugs leave and their brains have to learn new coping/thinking/reactions. The go to has been the drug. Hang in there! Hugs, sounds like yours stayed also
Have a great weekend.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
A very emotional and difficult time for you SorroW, and I continue to wish you well.
Though opinions differ, I believe all who've shared in this thread truly care and are expressing that to you through sharing what they've experienced.
Hugs
Though opinions differ, I believe all who've shared in this thread truly care and are expressing that to you through sharing what they've experienced.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Sorro,
Everyone needs to breath...let me tell you how addiction had weaved itself into
my life as a momma of two ADs and ex-wife of a man who wants to blame someone for this disease. Let me help you to understand...just 1 example...
About 8 months ago, my second AD came to me and said her "arm" hurt and she couldn't straighten it out (I was still in "denial"). She looked me in the eye and said she slept on it wrong. She refused to let me look at it bc " it hurt".
So I took her to the Dr.
Since she is 21 she said she wanted to go in by herself. 45 minutes later, she came out, with an antibiotic in hand and the diagnosis of "cellulitis". OK, believable. She was to follow-up in 2 days. So...
In 2 days, (my world was about to explode) we went back and she saw her regular Dr. (Who's a family friend), I insisted on going in with her. Her Dr. took one look at her arm, looked at me, giving this "I'm so sorry" look, and announced that they were "blood clots", no need to continue with the antibiotic, yep, my jaw was on the floor. Codependency and enabling no more...but she still insisted that she slept on her arm wrong? Being a nurse, in denial, I asked her to stop lying and tell me the truth...which she finally did, sort of. She said she was shooting up water bc she liked the feeling of the needle to her vein...later to admit she was injecting heroin, over and over with the same needle, up in her bedroom of our home. The lies hurt, but the truth, sometimes, hurts more.
My ADs were lieing to protect the demons that addiction brings to people.
I'm starting to believe that this disease, this brain disease...is a family disease. It affects the whole family. What I thought and believed, for so long was a lie. Not my intellegent, precious, gift from God...but yes, my intellegent, precious, much loved gift from God...is a drug addict.
My daughter was protecting her disease to the point she even believed her own lies. Please don't think this is "bashing" an addict...it's one of many symptoms of this horribly dangerous disease. I wish now that I would of confronted her earlier, not believed so many lies...who was I protecting? Myself? My daughter?
Being called a lier, thief, manipulator...are what this disease did to her..and those are milder symptoms when you consider HIV, hepatitis, MRSA(she has that too) and death as more severe "truths". And this is one of MANY examples of a believable lie. And she's still lying.
When I see some questionable activity or she tells or asks me for something...I ask about her sobriety...she shoots back immediately "well, then drug test me" which I have, many times, yet to have a negative drug test. (Except when in rehab)
So now she's homeless or couch surfing. Which is the truth and a direct result of her disease. That "roller coaster ride of lies" had to stop and she has left my home, and yes I'm sad, and I cry and I miss her, the grief and truths are overwhelming at times, especially when she calls or I see her. She doesn't even "look" like her. She's in there, being held hostage by her addiction and when she gets ready and wants her sobriety back, I will be waiting to support her emotionally and drive her to the nearest rehab. I do pray for her, and have asked God to take over.
I'm now divorced and going to as many support groups I can find and I'm taking care of ME. After sifting through all the lies I found that I couldn't fix her, so instead I looked at ways to fix me. No bashing, blaming, or harsh words of denial but in its place is education on this disease, support from recovery sites like SR and surround myself with ppl who understand this disease, not ppl who judge this disease of addiction. BTW, I hate this disease.
I'm sorry this got so LONG BUT VENTING, not BASHING, is therapeutic to this momma who lives in today and yes I have sweet hope for my daughter, that she wants her sobriety back, she wants the disease and sickness to stop.
Take care
TF
Everyone needs to breath...let me tell you how addiction had weaved itself into
my life as a momma of two ADs and ex-wife of a man who wants to blame someone for this disease. Let me help you to understand...just 1 example...
About 8 months ago, my second AD came to me and said her "arm" hurt and she couldn't straighten it out (I was still in "denial"). She looked me in the eye and said she slept on it wrong. She refused to let me look at it bc " it hurt".
So I took her to the Dr.
Since she is 21 she said she wanted to go in by herself. 45 minutes later, she came out, with an antibiotic in hand and the diagnosis of "cellulitis". OK, believable. She was to follow-up in 2 days. So...
In 2 days, (my world was about to explode) we went back and she saw her regular Dr. (Who's a family friend), I insisted on going in with her. Her Dr. took one look at her arm, looked at me, giving this "I'm so sorry" look, and announced that they were "blood clots", no need to continue with the antibiotic, yep, my jaw was on the floor. Codependency and enabling no more...but she still insisted that she slept on her arm wrong? Being a nurse, in denial, I asked her to stop lying and tell me the truth...which she finally did, sort of. She said she was shooting up water bc she liked the feeling of the needle to her vein...later to admit she was injecting heroin, over and over with the same needle, up in her bedroom of our home. The lies hurt, but the truth, sometimes, hurts more.
My ADs were lieing to protect the demons that addiction brings to people.
I'm starting to believe that this disease, this brain disease...is a family disease. It affects the whole family. What I thought and believed, for so long was a lie. Not my intellegent, precious, gift from God...but yes, my intellegent, precious, much loved gift from God...is a drug addict.
My daughter was protecting her disease to the point she even believed her own lies. Please don't think this is "bashing" an addict...it's one of many symptoms of this horribly dangerous disease. I wish now that I would of confronted her earlier, not believed so many lies...who was I protecting? Myself? My daughter?
Being called a lier, thief, manipulator...are what this disease did to her..and those are milder symptoms when you consider HIV, hepatitis, MRSA(she has that too) and death as more severe "truths". And this is one of MANY examples of a believable lie. And she's still lying.
When I see some questionable activity or she tells or asks me for something...I ask about her sobriety...she shoots back immediately "well, then drug test me" which I have, many times, yet to have a negative drug test. (Except when in rehab)
So now she's homeless or couch surfing. Which is the truth and a direct result of her disease. That "roller coaster ride of lies" had to stop and she has left my home, and yes I'm sad, and I cry and I miss her, the grief and truths are overwhelming at times, especially when she calls or I see her. She doesn't even "look" like her. She's in there, being held hostage by her addiction and when she gets ready and wants her sobriety back, I will be waiting to support her emotionally and drive her to the nearest rehab. I do pray for her, and have asked God to take over.
I'm now divorced and going to as many support groups I can find and I'm taking care of ME. After sifting through all the lies I found that I couldn't fix her, so instead I looked at ways to fix me. No bashing, blaming, or harsh words of denial but in its place is education on this disease, support from recovery sites like SR and surround myself with ppl who understand this disease, not ppl who judge this disease of addiction. BTW, I hate this disease.
I'm sorry this got so LONG BUT VENTING, not BASHING, is therapeutic to this momma who lives in today and yes I have sweet hope for my daughter, that she wants her sobriety back, she wants the disease and sickness to stop.
Take care
TF
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
