It's my fault once again
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 89
It's my fault once again
So he called me yesterday. When I told him I would not be going this weekend he was mad. Then begin telling me I did not miss him. And that he wished he had support.
He told me that he has only received letters in the mail from his mom and nine from me therefore I did not miss him. He went on to say how much he hated it there. And that he was only there to satisfy me. Early on he told me he wanted to go for himself and I reminded him of that and he quickly said he never said that.
So here he is hating where he is and pretty much blaming it on me.
He told me that he has only received letters in the mail from his mom and nine from me therefore I did not miss him. He went on to say how much he hated it there. And that he was only there to satisfy me. Early on he told me he wanted to go for himself and I reminded him of that and he quickly said he never said that.
So here he is hating where he is and pretty much blaming it on me.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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He fired a gun where your children were playing to stop a dogfight. He is an abusive meth addict. Nobody in their right mind would miss that in their life.
You don't "owe" him anything because he went to treatment, and he's there now, so it's as good a time as any for him to start dealing with life on life's terms. It sounds like he's getting plenty of support from his mom.
Have you had a chance to talk to his counselor? It might be good to share that you don't believe these calls are beneficial to him or you. It sounds like all his focus is on you right now, when it needs to be on his recovery.
You don't "owe" him anything because he went to treatment, and he's there now, so it's as good a time as any for him to start dealing with life on life's terms. It sounds like he's getting plenty of support from his mom.
Have you had a chance to talk to his counselor? It might be good to share that you don't believe these calls are beneficial to him or you. It sounds like all his focus is on you right now, when it needs to be on his recovery.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting, SorroW22. Welcome to the Board.
Allow me to eviscerate his line of reasoning.
My guess is you meant to write "none", not "nine". Given the fact that you're here with us at SR, you were experiencing some emotional distress that one could attribute to his addiction issues and how it was negatively impacting you. So on the one hand, he probably didn't care how his using was impacting you, but on the other hand, he's ostensibly upset that you haven't been in touch with him? How does that work exactly?
Furthermore, if he's there only to "satisfy" you, then it's well within his rights to check himself out since he doesn't want to be there. All he has to tell the rehab is he wants out, and he's out. Boom, done.
In other words, he's full of sh!t. Don't buy what he's selling.
Part of our gig here at FFSA is to help you get in touch with both your values and your moral compass. And once you do, you can make decisions based on what's best for you and whether your ABF can positively contribute to your life and whether he shares your moral compass and values. So start thinking about that. It won't be easy.
Then again, nothing worth doing ever is.
Keep posting, and hang in there.
He told me that he has only received letters in the mail from his mom and nine from me therefore I did not miss him. He went on to say how much he hated it there. And that he was only there to satisfy me. Early on he told me he wanted to go for himself and I reminded him of that and he quickly said he never said that.
My guess is you meant to write "none", not "nine". Given the fact that you're here with us at SR, you were experiencing some emotional distress that one could attribute to his addiction issues and how it was negatively impacting you. So on the one hand, he probably didn't care how his using was impacting you, but on the other hand, he's ostensibly upset that you haven't been in touch with him? How does that work exactly?
Furthermore, if he's there only to "satisfy" you, then it's well within his rights to check himself out since he doesn't want to be there. All he has to tell the rehab is he wants out, and he's out. Boom, done.
In other words, he's full of sh!t. Don't buy what he's selling.
Part of our gig here at FFSA is to help you get in touch with both your values and your moral compass. And once you do, you can make decisions based on what's best for you and whether your ABF can positively contribute to your life and whether he shares your moral compass and values. So start thinking about that. It won't be easy.
Then again, nothing worth doing ever is.
Keep posting, and hang in there.
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Last edited by CodeJob; 01-07-2016 at 11:58 AM. Reason: link
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he's been in treatment since SATURDAY.....in many rehabs he wouldn't even be talking to the outside world yet....and for a very GOOD reason.....he's still detoxing, he's confused, pissed, whatever and is lashing out.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. his attitude right now does not bode well for him really getting much out of this program. however, that CAN change.....lots of addicts want OUT of treatment, want to go home. and sadly some do leave early....but some also stay.
right now, don't take anything he says to heart. and you can tell him if he is going to waste the phone call being a jerk, he can call someone else next time.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. his attitude right now does not bode well for him really getting much out of this program. however, that CAN change.....lots of addicts want OUT of treatment, want to go home. and sadly some do leave early....but some also stay.
right now, don't take anything he says to heart. and you can tell him if he is going to waste the phone call being a jerk, he can call someone else next time.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 39
My meth addict bf has been in treatment just over two weeks now. His emotions are just the past few days, evening out, not so easily agitated and can actually have civil conversations. The ups and downs are normal at this early stage. His dopamine is non existent right now, so nothing is satisfying/pleasurable. Hang in there he will hopefully see light at the end of the tunnel soon. It's great to have someone with same substance, just new to treatment and this sr board. We can definitely vent and lean on each other during this healing process.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 214
How long has he been in rehab? Meth is a very bad drug. If you head over to the website from the National Institute Drug Abuse, they have pictures showing how the brain is damaged due to meth use.
I would try not to let his emotions get to you. He will heal and his brain will revover but it will take time. His feelings are probably real in that moment based on what hes capable of feeling and understanding, BUT use your perspective to understand and dont get drawn in.
If you dont want to visit, or cant visit then maybe step back until he calms. Rehab is hard work, its not a punishment but at times it can feel like one emotionally.
Are you ok?
I would try not to let his emotions get to you. He will heal and his brain will revover but it will take time. His feelings are probably real in that moment based on what hes capable of feeling and understanding, BUT use your perspective to understand and dont get drawn in.
If you dont want to visit, or cant visit then maybe step back until he calms. Rehab is hard work, its not a punishment but at times it can feel like one emotionally.
Are you ok?
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 39
I have read a few of your others. The violence and explosiveness definitely right on. I def feared for my, my children's and no joke my dogs life at times...as his delusions were so intense.
I saw post about he wants to leave. My bf wanted to leave too. I swear every hour was a roller coaster for a good week and half. Now it's way less intense, but has its moments for sure. My bf is on this boundaries, I'm healthy high horse so to speak. While I'm just this week flooded with my grieving emotions (think since kids back to school my guard has let down/relaxed). So finally able to start dealing working my emotions. Which are slightly behind his in the process. It def a slow and steady thing for all involved. He's having issues with housemates and called this evening fuming and said he just wants to leave. Still so early in the game, reactions on emotions still in play. PM me if you want
I saw post about he wants to leave. My bf wanted to leave too. I swear every hour was a roller coaster for a good week and half. Now it's way less intense, but has its moments for sure. My bf is on this boundaries, I'm healthy high horse so to speak. While I'm just this week flooded with my grieving emotions (think since kids back to school my guard has let down/relaxed). So finally able to start dealing working my emotions. Which are slightly behind his in the process. It def a slow and steady thing for all involved. He's having issues with housemates and called this evening fuming and said he just wants to leave. Still so early in the game, reactions on emotions still in play. PM me if you want
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