How to act??????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 89
How to act??????
So, my H still comes by here and there to see kids . But- we are still married, not divorced. I struggle with how I do or should treat him , mainly because of all the insane treatment to me in the last few months. I do my best to keep the peace because I'm SICK of fighting and I'm a visual person, so if I see him cry- the image will outweigh all others of him in my mind- which hurts me. We haven't even discussed " us" - meaning- what's gonna happen to US while he is gone, or after he returns.
When should these issues be discussed????.
Also, he leaves in 4 days AND he still has a court date that has not been set for when he was arrested back in April for possession of meth . IDK when it will be or what will happen- PRAYERS PLEASE!
When should these issues be discussed????.
Also, he leaves in 4 days AND he still has a court date that has not been set for when he was arrested back in April for possession of meth . IDK when it will be or what will happen- PRAYERS PLEASE!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,432
At the moment, I would treat him with politeness, but not warmth.
He said and did some terrible hurtful things to you, and you are not obliged
to even discuss "us" until you are good and ready.
After rehab, and a good period of sobriety, you may know better what you want.
Frankly, it sounds like you could use some distance and peace to figure out in your own mind
what is in the best interest of your children and yourself.
I would seriously consider not letting him come home after rehab but go into a sober living situation.
Recovering addicts are fragile and pretty darn selfish--sometimes from recovery,
and sometimes just because that's who they are using or sober.
He said and did some terrible hurtful things to you, and you are not obliged
to even discuss "us" until you are good and ready.
After rehab, and a good period of sobriety, you may know better what you want.
Frankly, it sounds like you could use some distance and peace to figure out in your own mind
what is in the best interest of your children and yourself.
I would seriously consider not letting him come home after rehab but go into a sober living situation.
Recovering addicts are fragile and pretty darn selfish--sometimes from recovery,
and sometimes just because that's who they are using or sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Prayers for your and your family, SorroW22. After H leaves in a few days, you may have time to sort through everything, to focus on you and the kids. In years past, when my son was at a treatment facility for about six weeks, husband and I had a chance to have a break from the drama, to have some peace of mind, to settle, rest, and regroup. I hope you will as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 89
Thank you but I'm just wondering if I will start feeling guilty for not letting myself think about him? Which in turn will MAKE myself think about him. I know that sounds rediculous but I know me!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,432
Have you read "Codependent No More" yet Sorro?
That book was very helpful to me in understanding why I felt guilty when
the addict abused me, or faced any consequences for their actions.
I also did some therapy sessions with an alcohol family specialist--this was
extremely helpful.
Could you arrange to do something like that to help you sort your feelings
into what's healthy, and what's hurting you?
That book was very helpful to me in understanding why I felt guilty when
the addict abused me, or faced any consequences for their actions.
I also did some therapy sessions with an alcohol family specialist--this was
extremely helpful.
Could you arrange to do something like that to help you sort your feelings
into what's healthy, and what's hurting you?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,432
I'm really glad to hear it--you've been through a lot.
Bring some tissues--I found that my emotions really bubbled up
in the safe space of therapy.
You are really working hard to move through this Sorro--I truly admire your spirit
Bring some tissues--I found that my emotions really bubbled up
in the safe space of therapy.
You are really working hard to move through this Sorro--I truly admire your spirit
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Originally Posted by SorroW22 
Thank you but I'm just wondering if I will start feeling guilty for not letting myself think about him? Which in turn will MAKE myself think about him. I know that sounds rediculous but I know me!
Hawkeye's response sums it up and brings good points to consider.
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