DustyDreams

I'm new here and hoping that someone can offer a little insight into my situation. I have been with a pretty amazing man for almost 5 years. Over those years he has struggled with prescription drug addiction. I have done absolutely everything I can to help overcome it. As he has said time and time again he wants to. During the past five months he has went back on benzos for anxiety related chest pains. I struggle with anxiety myself but due to his issues with it I refuse to take the ones my dr suggests. Anyhow, he has not taken them as directed since he got them. (As in a bottle of 90 klonopin in 2.5 days) Many nights have I watched him literally fall asleep standing up and bounce his head off the countertop. Many times have I had to stay up all night and days at a time watching him to make sure he doesn't stop breathing or choke. We talked about how I was not ok with having them in the house anymore and if he really felt he needed them he was going to need to go elsewhere to do them. Skip ahead to tonight. He filled the prescription for them and didn't tell me. I noticed he was taking them and asked them. Then come the lies. All the lies. He asked me to put them up and help him. So I took them out of the house. (I can get them back)Now I hear how I'm a horrible person cause I "don't care if he goes around feeling like having a heart attack or even having a heart attack." I'm the one lying to him. I am over reacting. His use of them doesn't even effect me. How I throw ultimatums at him. I am 100% in love with this man. But I feel so betrayed. I don't know that he could survive without me. He lost his job in mid September. Am I over reacting? Is it not my business?

CodeJob

Good morning Dusty Dreams.

you sound like you are overly wrapped up in your partner's addiction. The technical term is enabling. Please read Codependent No More.

What is he doing to get another job? What is he doing to quit his addiction? Not what you are doing - Mr. Amazing.

Welcome to SR! I am glad you posted!

BunnyNest

I found that I loved the person I thought he was, not who he was showing me over and over. He showed me that being addicted was most important.

I finally realized I didn't really love this person who was ok with lying to me over and over and putting me last. I was really just addicted to them, just as they were addicted to their substances.

Codependent No More was so eye opening to me. I had been raised to be codependent. It was my normal. It sounds like that may be the case for you too. I just had no idea there was another way to live and it is so much better! Al-Anon and ACOA have saved my life.

I'm sorry for what has brought you here. This is a good place. Stick around, read the stickies and know that it may take a while for it all to click. But when it does, it is like a light comes on.

Take care of yourself!

overit263

Listen to BunnyNest! So true, we love the person we thought they were, not the person that keeps hurting you and themselves over and over!

JimC60

DustyDreams,
Welcome to the forums, you will find a lot of good information and support here.

Bunny nest spoke with much truth and wisdom - Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or CoDA are for you - you might get the best response from Nar-Anon simply because you will meet people who have been through exactly the same addiction as you.

Nar-Anon & Al-Anon are both 12 step programs: Nar-Anon's Step # 1: We admitted we were powerless over the addict - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Nar-Anon's 3 C's - "You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it."

"Is it not my business?" A wise speaker I once heard said she was going to show us exactly how to tell what was our business and what belonged to the addict in our lives. She reached underneath of the podium and pulled out a Hula Hoop; she dropped the Hula Hoop over her head and let it fall to the floor - "What is inside of the hoop is my business, anything which is outside is someone elses!"

Keep coming back,
Jim

AnvilheadII

I don't know that he could survive without me. He lost his job in mid September.

that is a mindset that will keep you hooked, thinking that you are responsible for him and that he could not manage without you. he has certainly managed to keep feeding his addiction over the years....because THAT is his priority. now you stand between him and his pills and that puts you in a dangerous place.

love him or not, its time to take a step back and look at your situation objectively.....is this really any way to live?

DustyDreams

Thank you for replying. I had bought the book Codependent No More a couple of years back but I only read part of it. Things improved with him, and so it has just sat on the shelf gathering dust. I am reading it again now.
He's put in a handful of applications so far. As for quitting his addiction, he's not addicted in his opinion. It sickens me to hear him say he's only looking out for his health by taking them.

maia1234

DD-
You are expecting a normal relationship from an addict. Nothing about loving an addict is normal. He wants you to help when it is convenient for him. He is an addict and there is nothing you can do for him or say to him to get him sober. What you can do is educate yourself about addiction. You are not the best person you can be, because you are being "controlled" by an addict.

Do your homework and realize that you are enabling him to keep being a junkie. You give him a home, support, food and anything else he needs. Life wouldn't be so perfect for him if you shut the door on him. Do your homework and see what you can do for yourself. You will be ok, hugs my friend!! Keep coming back!!