overit263

I had to come back for a visit after being gone a while. I divorced my AH - he didn't show for court - I haven't allowed voice calls, only texts allowed from him. He even drove down 11 hours to watch me for a weekend a month or so after the divorce- sending texts at 4am saying I look happier than he's seen me in a while. This obviously let me know he was here watching me. I didn't go to the door, didn't even try to talk to him or see him. He owes me money according to the divorce decree, and I'm tied to a loan that he pays late every time I ask him via text to try and remove me from the loan. He sent me a text within the past couple of months saying he doesn't want to see me with another man (total manipulation). I haven't even dated yet because I've been busy working my ass off for a business I started over a year ago and frankly I don't ever want to make the same mistake again of being with an addict/alcoholic or anyone that's not trustworthy. He started going MIA again: being non responsive, saying his phone was on the fritz, and he's been lying about where he's living. Found out from someone else that he's got a girlfriend and moved again. Needless to say, even for as strong as I've been, this still hurts my feelings and I still worry about him. I know that more than likely he is using, but the disappointment in the lying never seems to end. Let me be clear, I do not want to be with him ever again, I love that I no longer need to worry about finding him dead with a needle, and I love that I no longer have to worry about my belongings being pawned etc. etc. I think I'm just very sad and disappointed that he hasn't stopped lying and still acts like I'm the enemy- I think it also makes me a little sad that it would have been our anniversary month. . Thanks for letting me vent. This place always makes me feel better.

Falseclaimsact

I'm sorry you are hurting!

I too find it very hard to recognize addictive behavior but at the same time feel emotions because of it. Like, if he's sick and spewing manipulative nonsense at me, I shouldn't take it personally but it still affects me emotionally. It's all tangled up.

overit263

Thank you - I know that this too shall pass, and I really like what another poster commented on someone else's story: something about the addict moving on to someone else is them protecting you from their addiction. I just hoped for some reason that with all of this time that has passed, that he would do the right thing by working the steps, maybe a real apology, but I know better than to have expectations like that - but this is my cue to really let go and stop worrying about what will happen to him. I have a successful business doing what I love. That's more than I could have ever hoped for coming out of all of this trauma and craziness. This situation just made me throw a bit of a pity party for myself, and I know that I just have to feel sad, let go, and move on to making myself happy. This situation just made me feel beat up and let down.

Ann

Overit, through adversity comes strangely wrapped gifts, for you perhaps it is the knowledge to go forward a stronger and wiser person and use these skills to make your business grow.

Whatever gifts this brings you, I hope the days ahead are filled with happiness and light.

Hugs

overit263

Thanks Ann! I think this hit at a weak moment for me. I'm exhausted from so much business that I haven't had time to stop and do something nice for myself. I'm working so hard to pay off all of the debt from the marriage, just for this kind of situation when I know he will try to ruin my credit by not paying the loan and not getting my name off of it. Rational me thinks - thank goodness you don't have to deal with all of the craziness anymore, but here I am still dealing with some of it...which is still better than dealing with ALL of it.

zoso77

Anyone who tries to hold him accountable for his behavior is the enemy. The new girl will learn this, too.

I get the whole anniversary thing, though. We invest our time and heart with people, and we remember how things were when they were good. That's a double-edged sword, though. Sit through what you're feeling as best you can...

overit263

Thanks Zoso - I'm getting through it and it's getting better, just not as quickly as I would like. I'm forcing myself to have dinner out tomorrow night even though I really don't feel like being sociable. Working non stop has let me avoid some of these feelings for a little too long I think.

And I do realize that the next gal will have to deal with much of the same, but it makes me feel better to have you reinforce that truth. Thanks guys!

overit263

So the week got better. I had to sit and think about all of the things I've seen and been through because of the AXH and talked it out with a friend that is in recovery. I thought about the mental institution drop offs, the things I've seen that I would have never imagined, a halfway house visit on my birthday years ago, rehabs, etc. etc. and it snapped me back to reality. I thought about not having to fear all of my belongings being gone again when I get home from a long day. I thought about not having to deal with all of the lies, catching him in lies, worrying about coming home to a dead husband...and how much all of those things can weigh on a person. Sometimes it just helps to have someone on the outside tell you "I'm sorry and you didn't deserve all of that". It just reminds you that when they move on to the next person, you should have compassion for the next person that will more than likely have to experience some of the things you did because of your ex's addiction.