Fate2012

Hi everyone,

I haven't written for a while but I visit often to read posts and realize how I am not alone and how helpful you all are.
I officially divorced my AEH 6 months ago. I tried so hard to make it work even after all the lies, stealing, trouble with the law and infidelity.
So our young children live with me and their father has only seen them twice in 5 months. Not long after our divorce he found another victim, moved in with her (5 hours away) and she provides for him...work and money.
I am glad he was out of the picture b/c I don't want our children around him when he continually relapses and thinks it's ok to drink since that wasn't his DOC. He even pops rx pills that are benzos.
Anyhow, I found out today that we are going back to court to decide on child support and visitation and my AEXH picked our wedding anniversary date for this all to happen.
I gave reconciliation 2 attempts but as we know it takes more than one person to try. I just don't understand why he wants to continue to hurt me over and over again when he was the one that caused the majority of the damage.
Ugh...ready for a glass of wine tonight.

tomsteve

i dont know of anyone being able to chose their court date.

zoso77

Well, you don't understand it because you're trying to view his behavior through a rational prism And that doesn't work.

Instead, you have to view his behavior through the prism of addiction and narcissism. When you do, you'll observe that from the addict's perspective, their lot in life is always someone else's fault, and they're always in the right. And when it suits them, they'll target someone and try to make them feel the same chaos and desolation that they feel. That's simply how it is.

What he's doing isn't about you, so don't personalize it so much. Just roll with this as best you can, and do your best to protect yourself and your children.

JOIE12

The court date is set by the court and it's a random thing. Go in there with your head held high and no tears there. I went so often that I lost count but I was always happy to go there dressed well, hair and makeup looking good while being proud and professional when he expected me to sit cowering in a corner. Also, getting there early will earn you the seat of your choice whereas he must sit somewhere else. It was a small thing to some but brought me satisfaction at the time. I felt so abused by the system and one judge in particular - that I needed to have that !

I wish you well, please keep us updated - sending prayers and hugs your way
You are not alone. Joie

ShootingStar1

Just call the court and tell them that you can't make that date and get the date rescheduled. Or, if you have a lawyer, which you probably should anyway, have them reschedule it.

No need to go on a day you don't want to go.

ShootingStar1

Fate2012

The attorneys gave us open court dates from Oct- Dec. My ex and his attorney chose that date ( wedding anniversary) before I could pick a date that would work for me. My attorney even confirmed this.

teatreeoil007

What you are describing is likely the manifestation of passive-aggressiveness.

What leads a person to be that way? They feel powerless [and maybe fearful] to be direct about the hurt/anger still residing within their self toward you. So if he cannot be direct, he will be indirect...and it still hurts either way.