So this is normal..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 50
So this is normal..
Hi guys,
Just a little update. My AH has been in jail for a little over 3 weeks now (he didn't end up getting bail because of an immigration hold, which I am actually thankful for and believe him sitting there for a while has been/will be for the better..)
Aside from bouts of loneliness and occasional stress over managing life, I'm doing really good.. There's something about coming out of the fog of living with addiction for a year that makes you realize what was "normal" isn't, at all. I actually have peace. Im enjoying the little things like having our blinds open, & not having to worry about who is knocking at the door and if his probation officer is going to come by today to check on him. I'm enjoying having conversations with people without them nodding off constantly. I'm enjoying not having to play detective or go through his phone or being late everywhere because he has to shoot up first. There's this immense burden off of my shoulders, a secret life gone. Thinking back on everything that I allowed, & the things I excused or justified or forgave over and over. It's just really insane. We really do get addicted to our addicts.
I am of course sad that my sons dad now can't be around, and won't see him grow up or take his first steps of have his first birthday. As much as I can handle the distance, my son deserves a dad and that's not something I can replace and that part effing sucks because I would give anything for his happiness and well being. But I have to learn to let that go and accept that that's not on me. I didn't cause this. I can only do my part in giving him love and care every day. And perhaps this temporary separation will be what needs to happen for AH to be clean and around permanently in the future.. I still haven't lost hope in that.
But yea, that's where everything's at for me right now. Thanks for reading.
Just a little update. My AH has been in jail for a little over 3 weeks now (he didn't end up getting bail because of an immigration hold, which I am actually thankful for and believe him sitting there for a while has been/will be for the better..)
Aside from bouts of loneliness and occasional stress over managing life, I'm doing really good.. There's something about coming out of the fog of living with addiction for a year that makes you realize what was "normal" isn't, at all. I actually have peace. Im enjoying the little things like having our blinds open, & not having to worry about who is knocking at the door and if his probation officer is going to come by today to check on him. I'm enjoying having conversations with people without them nodding off constantly. I'm enjoying not having to play detective or go through his phone or being late everywhere because he has to shoot up first. There's this immense burden off of my shoulders, a secret life gone. Thinking back on everything that I allowed, & the things I excused or justified or forgave over and over. It's just really insane. We really do get addicted to our addicts.
I am of course sad that my sons dad now can't be around, and won't see him grow up or take his first steps of have his first birthday. As much as I can handle the distance, my son deserves a dad and that's not something I can replace and that part effing sucks because I would give anything for his happiness and well being. But I have to learn to let that go and accept that that's not on me. I didn't cause this. I can only do my part in giving him love and care every day. And perhaps this temporary separation will be what needs to happen for AH to be clean and around permanently in the future.. I still haven't lost hope in that.
But yea, that's where everything's at for me right now. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Hi Periwinkle,
So glad you have found some peace and are enjoying some normal stuff :-)
One thing, re your son and you wishing he had a Dad around. I understand that, however having an addict Dad around is MUCH WORSE than not having a Dad around in my opinion.
If he was around and still using, your son would be growing up thinking that all of what you described is normal behaviour.
Mum playing detective, being late so Dad can shoot up, his Dad nodding off when he is talking to him, the lies, manipulation, hiding from knocks on the door....
He grows up thinking that is normal. What do you think he will re-create in his life?
Perhaps in some ways it sucks not having a Dad - I don't know. I grew up without a Dad, I didn't know any different.
I think it's better for him to have one healthy, clean parent who can be focused on him because she is not worried about the addict.
You can be there for him more fully.
So glad you have found some peace and are enjoying some normal stuff :-)
One thing, re your son and you wishing he had a Dad around. I understand that, however having an addict Dad around is MUCH WORSE than not having a Dad around in my opinion.
If he was around and still using, your son would be growing up thinking that all of what you described is normal behaviour.
Mum playing detective, being late so Dad can shoot up, his Dad nodding off when he is talking to him, the lies, manipulation, hiding from knocks on the door....
He grows up thinking that is normal. What do you think he will re-create in his life?
Perhaps in some ways it sucks not having a Dad - I don't know. I grew up without a Dad, I didn't know any different.
I think it's better for him to have one healthy, clean parent who can be focused on him because she is not worried about the addict.
You can be there for him more fully.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
It does feel different when we do not have all that chaos in our lives. Our minds are free to take care of the things that really matter, our children and our lives, instead of wasting all that emotionally energy on the addict.
My life is also normal now and I have to say at times, down right quiet and boring, but I will take it over all the chaos any day!
Slowing down feels good, taking it easy feels good, going all day without my mind creating scenarios feels good. I was here before and I have to say I took it for granted, never again will I give away my peace and serenity.
My life is also normal now and I have to say at times, down right quiet and boring, but I will take it over all the chaos any day!
Slowing down feels good, taking it easy feels good, going all day without my mind creating scenarios feels good. I was here before and I have to say I took it for granted, never again will I give away my peace and serenity.
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