Hiii

My boyfriend has almost two weeks clean, and it's been super hard. Last night he just started getting really nasty with me. We were just messing around and being silly which we do alot and all a sudden he took and threw he phone into the wall so now he phone is ruined and we have a hole in the wall and he wants nothing to do with me at all. I tried talking today and it's no better he said if I don't stop trying to talk to him he's going to leave. He doesn't even have a car or money. It's just really hard becaue there's nothing I can do and it hurts that he won't even look and me and when he does just looks like he hates me. We've been together for almost 5 years and we just moved to a place I know no one and it's a 4 hour plane ride back home. I'm lost and don't know what to do anymore I'm mentally drained from dealing with everything and I keep having panic attacks. Sometimes I feel crazier than him from dealing with all the lying stealing and everything else and now him just being nasty.

MissUs2015

He smashed your phone into the wall, damaging both. You have nothing to feel bad about. He said quit talking or I'll leave? My addict did that too. Invite him to leave then.
Go to a naranon/alanon meeting. Alanon is easier to find. You'll get guidance on how to build you as a person back up so that 1) you're OK with yourself, and 2) OK either with or without your addict, whichever you choose.

CarmenLove

Hiii,

I think some more experienced people will be along to advise you soon, and to me this raises alarm bells. If he turned nasty and threw the phone against the wall then your own safety needs to be your first priority.

Do you still have access to a working phone?

I think you need a plan B in case you need to leave quickly. And perhaps call DV line and ask for some advice (because of the phone incident). That is first and for most, and then...

What support can you get? Who can you talk to? I know how it feels to feel crazier than the addict and not have any support, I was in a similar situation to yours with my ex.

If there are Al Anon meetings near you I would go to them.

FeelingGreat

Hiii, it sounds like he's having a lot of trouble with being clean and is taking the stress out on you. No matter how bad he's feeling, he has no right to abuse your, frighten you or destroy your property.
You don't have to live with this, and getting out is the wisest course of action. It's disturbing that he's still angry the next day when he's had a chance to calm down and behave like a human being. Is there anywhere you can go?
I suggest you immediately stop paying for anything while he's acting this way.

chicory

Welcome Hiii, and I am glad you posted. It does sound very stressful for you, and its wise to reach out, and let others know . Do you have a close friend or relative who knows what is going on?

I am sorry you are under such a strain, and having anxiety . We never deserve to be frightened, or verbally abused, or even the mental abuse of someone taking out their frustrations on us.

One thing.. since he has done this, it will be easier for him to do such things again. Please know that you cannot control his feelings, or anger , by anything you do or say. Its all up to him, to recover and get well mentally and physically from his addiction.

Perhaps some time apart will help, if you think the relationship has promise. Time for him to work on recovery. Its not easy to give up drugs, and deal with things , and sounds like he needs help. Is he in any programs at all? He needs to be, most definitely. Good boundaries in place will let him know what you expect, but he may breach them anyway. Boundaries are for us, for our own quality of living to be what we want it to be.

Please be safe. I would suggest a face to face group... al-anon, nar-anon or such, as it will give you much comfort to share and learn from others in your situation..for you are not alone.

I am glad you shared..